DiscoBiscuit
Meat Tornado
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2009
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I've found that insults only work if they are honest and you REALLY mean them.
For me at least, the only way for compliments to really work is if I REALLY mean them.
I've found that insults only work if they are honest and you REALLY mean them.
But I'd rather hear it, and be stronger for it, than live on in the delusion that I'm more awesome than I am.
It seems to me that giving a character compliment, i.e. "You're a generous person," tends to strike gold more often than "I like your shoes" but when you give a character compliment that contradicts someone's concept of self, you backfire horribly.
I can't bare the thought of saying something nice about someone (even if it's about their shoes, hair, or kid), if I don't really mean it. It's like vomit in my mouth.
I have to feel it from within. Otherwise, it's like committing a sin to myself.
yep....it's awful too. i can't even say something nice about someone's kid if i don't mean it.
i do the polite thing and say nothing at all.
I do think you need to be careful what you compliment (or even put down) because people value different things. Until you know what they value it's hard to make a worthwhile comment about them.
Thisi s why I am so bad at giving compliments. I always second guess: 'What will they think if I say they act cute? Or that they have very pretty eyes? I know I'm just saying what I see, but that isn't my 'norm' and people might notice that and think I have some ulterior motive!' Sometimes I wish it were easier to just up and DO it. ExxPs got it good
Well the OP isn't really about the sincerity of compliments, there are plenty of threads around about that.
Honestly, people that are generally suspicious of being given a compliment I tend to connect that to trust and self-security issues.
Sometimes you just wonder if certain words are code for something else. I've had people call me reserved before, which, as an introvert, and particularly in social situations that I'd rather not be in, I am. But I hear it as "boring."
"Dependable" is another one like that. You're like, "That's the best compliment you can come up with?"
Sometimes you have to cut people slack, though, because their intentions are good, and maybe that wasn't the exact word they wanted, anyway. A lot of people aren't hung up on word precision, anyway.
Sometimes you just wonder if certain words are code for something else. I've had people call me reserved before, which, as an introvert, and particularly in social situations that I'd rather not be in, I am. But I hear it as "boring."
Well, you might not value that in a person very much, or in yourself, but I can tell you, after years of being at the mercy of flaky types, an ounce of dependability in a person is worth its weight in gold to me, and if I said it of someone it'd be a very sincere compliment.