I'm glad that you guys are doing this. So here's a start: Where do common areas of conflict come up between you and other types?
When I sense that they aren't extending themselves for the greater good. Selfishness really makes me mad. On the flip side of that, I'm very self-contained and perhaps that to is a form of selfishness.
When I sense that they are taxing others' patience by taking advantage of their good manners. Rudeness is arrogance and a clear signal that someone thinks too highly of themselves.
When I see that someone is acting out (even when it's subtle) or enshrining their feelings. I will not wade through that morass. Grow up.
I can't explain just how I know someone is being disingenuous. I just know. And I have found myself alone because I'm intolerant of it.
Secondly, in what ways are your actions/behaviours sometimes not understood or misconstrued?
That my kindess or personable approach to people is just a show.
Finally, what are any leftover things you have to add to the mix that may or may not be ENFJ issues?
I'm moody, and it's usually because I haven't had a chance to process through things. I despair of the "process". I'm CONSTANTLY processing, and I can't control it. NOTHING rolls off of me. I see a toxic person coming my way, and my first instinct is to run for it or hit them over the nead with a board just to avoid having to detoxify myself from absorbing their garbage. It's like being Rogue from the X-Men only without the spandex outfit and cool powers.
I do know that while ENFJs are both genuine and personable, many people don't really get to know them. They will even steer conversation away from themselves. I'm guessing it has something to do with not being sure if 1) The other person is really that interested 2) They can handle their intensity 3) They are used to taking that role with other people so it feels unnatural or selfish to talk about their own problems 4) Only a very select core group of people know who they really are and it takes time to build up that kind of trust. Don't know though
I rope myself off from people. It's a kneejerk response. My ENFP twin has the ability to see me as clearly as anyone can see me because she grew up with me and I can't put on a facade. The facade is there to protect ME and guarantee the best outcome. If someone hurts my facade, it doesn't get to me so easily. They're like turtle shells.
Recently, when I had to sell some of our jewelry to make ends meet, I was a little nervous about being in a pawnshop - I had never been in one before and wasn't sure of the process. I got dolled up because people respond better to you when you look nice. My mother parked the car and let me go in by myself because I "work" better solo, and she knows that. When I have to "work" a situation or person, no one who knows me can be present because they might consider my behavior exaggerated. I have to pour on whatever charm I know will benefit me in that moment -whether it's subtle and mirroring my host, or it's very warm and casual.
In this case, I was warm and casual. I leaned on the glass case on my elbows like I didn't have a care in the world. I explained each piece of jewelry to my host with funny stories which he responded well to. I have to get them (whoever THEM is) on my side when there's something important at stake.
I feel weird explaining that just now because I know it's just going to reconfirm the negative stigmas people have about ENFJs being chameleons and body snatchers.
I don't do this to my friends. My warmness to strangers isn't fake either. My warmth to the pawn shop guy wasn't fake - after a minute, I knew that he was a really nice person.
Yes. Getting to see the real me is a nightmare sometimes, but trust me when I say that what you see in me is real and very much me. I'm not being nice to you because I'm trying to manipulate you. If I don't like you, you'll get the frosty claws.
I've noticed the use of personas in a lot of NFJs. We need a lot of time to ourselves.