sleuthiness
jump
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2008
- Messages
- 1,858
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 54
- Instinctual Variant
- so/sp
I find that the "typical nice guy" often equals passive jerk, and they usually possess thinly veiled misogynist views. Doing stuff like becoming a girl's friend to weasel your way into her heart (or bed) is manipulative. Pouring strong emotions onto an unsuspecting woman is overwhelming. That doesn't make you nice. Being reserved and easily embarrassed doesn't make you nice. I just wish these guys would drop the "nice" moniker and realize that their real problem is passiveness and poor social skills. Women don't like jerks, they like guys who aren't clingy and whiny.
My advice is to take more action and initiative, don't over fantasize and over-think it, get to know the person without the pressure of some love confession, put dating in perspective (it's not a judgment on your soul if you get rejected), don't be a downer, and view and talk to women as people (not goddesses on a pedestal or objects or goals).
Heartless Bitches International - Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS
Heartless Bitches International - 'NiceGuy', 'Asshole' - Different Sides of the Same Coin
Often? Really? I feel badly for you!
Personally, I'm super terrified of emotions (both mine and others), so I stick to communicating as intuitively as possible. If either side can see through the clear eggshell, great. If not, I know I probably won't be comfortable with her in the long run. I am so automatically removed from my thoughts/feelings that I can imagine how someone would be completely dis/interested. Doesn't really concern me either way, really. If something clicks with a woman, it'll happen instinctively; if I feel it, I WILL know immediately and will take swift action. I work with kids, so I love people on the whole. Just spend time with them for the information mostly (and maybe a bi-monthly standaround).