[SJ] How to make a SJ stop nagging?

[Shadow]

In the past i thought being an ISTJ is insensitive & cold blooded person ...but now I feel better,because I am what i am ,,,and its all about the art to communicate to others around me.(my sister ENFJ,my mom INFP & my daughter ENTP),so being around N people sometimes a bit frustrating ,they accused me of nag & impation,,,,

Don't think like that. You know that you're not insensitive or cold-blooded, which is what matters. It is frustrating that if you don't openly show much emotion people assume that you don't feel anything. It's not very nice that your family have been labelling you like that, but you're part of their family so I'm sure they know deep down that you're not insensitive. Sometimes others are too quick to express their emotions, and perhaps they were too rash in stating those opinions without thinking how it might hurt you. I get it with my family too, so I understand the grief.
ISTJs show their appreciation of people in ways that others might not understand, like helping them to get stuff done or encouraging people in subtle ways. We're just private people who prefer to let our emotions out when we are alone. Nothing wrong with that!

 

[Unique]

Well what I meant was... obviously nagging is warranted if the task is urgent why would you want them to stop nagging if there is MOULD on the flipping plates...ew

I guess I was talking about when nagging isn't warranted some SJs still do it IE. my garage cleaning example

So my question to the OP really is.... why do you want a way to stop SJs nagging if the task is urgent, assigned to you and needs to be done?

I mean the SJs that have posted here thus far seem to think they only nag when the task is urgent which I personally think is fair

To be honest I'm slightly confused "about the trivial things they consider important?" that the OP originally stated... Yet the SJs have said they only nag about things that are important

When I brought up my more "trivial" example they said that they would not nag in this situation

So I can only assume that either 2-3 SJs are right over the OP

Though I know from real life experience that some SJs will continue their nagging through to the more trivial things so the OP isn't completely wrong but sounds to me like this is more of an unhealthy developed trait of some SJs but not all.

I've said this once before but you are more likely to bump into an unhealthy SJ than any other type as they make up 50% of the population

 

[milly86]

Im an ESTJ - I nag because people either do things wrong or too slowly. Actually the nagging part comes after I've asked someone nicely to do something and they havent, so the 2nd and further communications about the issue are my nags.

What would make me stop nagging is for you to:
1. acknowledge me (most important - I cannot stand passivity, its disrespectful)
2. just do it to save you from all my future naggings
3. at least give a reasonably explanation for why you havent done it ('not everyone does things like you' is not a valid argument - I know not everyone does it my way but my way is the most efficient and correct way and you know it you are just being stubborn)

I dont know if other ESTJs are the same but to me its important to feel like people value what I have to say and treat me with respect. I guess its about acceptance maybe?

 

[Costrin]

Im an ESTJ - I nag because people either do things wrong or too slowly. Actually the nagging part comes after I've asked someone nicely to do something and they havent, so the 2nd and further communications about the issue are my nags.

What would make me stop nagging is for you to:
1. acknowledge me (most important - I cannot stand passivity, its disrespectful)
2. just do it to save you from all my future naggings
3. at least give a reasonably explanation for why you havent done it ('not everyone does things like you' is not a valid argument - I know not everyone does it my way but my way is the most efficient and correct way and you know it you are just being stubborn)

I dont know if other ESTJs are the same but to me its important to feel like people value what I have to say and treat me with respect. I guess its about acceptance maybe?

Or maybe you only think your way is the most efficient and correct. Of course, I do agree that "not everyone does things like you" isn't a valid argument.

 

[Glycerine]

Im an ESTJ - I nag because people either do things wrong or too slowly. Actually the nagging part comes after I've asked someone nicely to do something and they havent, so the 2nd and further communications about the issue are my nags.

What would make me stop nagging is for you to:
1. acknowledge me (most important - I cannot stand passivity, its disrespectful)
2. just do it to save you from all my future naggings
3. at least give a reasonably explanation for why you havent done it ('not everyone does things like you' is not a valid argument - I know not everyone does it my way but my way is the most efficient and correct way and you know it you are just being stubborn)

I dont know if other ESTJs are the same but to me its important to feel like people value what I have to say and treat me with respect. I guess its about acceptance maybe?

No wonder why i always seem to feel on edge around you guys.

 

[MacGuffin]

What's really fun is to mess with people's schedules and to-do lists.

Nothing more entertaining than an SJ meltdown!

 

[Unique]

No wonder why i always seem to feel on edge around you guys.

Indeed!

 

[Unique]

On another note I am beginning to see why the OP started this thread in the first place. On 2 occasions today ESTJs asked (and I use that word loosely) me to do some completely trivial things that had no urgency in a very nagging manner.

Simply an unhealthy SJ? or is there something the SJs in this thread aren't letting on...? The current claim is that you only nag when its urgent and important, is that true and I'm dealing with an unhealthy SJ? or is it false and I need to know more to stop the nagging?

 

[Shadow]

On another note I am beginning to see why the OP started this thread in the first place. On 2 occasions today ESTJs asked (and I use that word loosely) me to do some completely trivial things that had no urgency in a very nagging manner.

Simply an unhealthy SJ? or is there something the SJs in this thread aren't letting on...? The current claim is that you only nag when its urgent and important, is that true and I'm dealing with an unhealthy SJ? or is it false and I need to know more to stop the nagging?

To be fair, you've mostly received the opinion of ISTJs. Maybe ESTJs are, shall we say, a bit more 'vocal'. I cringe inside when my ESTJ housemate suddenly has a little rant about how unorganised and generally impossible everyone is being, but I actually find it hilarious when she does that so I just laugh and do it. I'll get on with whatever she asks, usually about cleaning up after myself better. It's usually not directed at me though, so it's funnier.
I can't recall her ever nagging about anything stupid though. What was the nagging about in your case?

If they do have a little indirect rant at you the best thing to do is apologise and look hurt and say you'll do it but maybe not at this moment because you're doing something else. The result seems to be mild embarrassment and apologies from them (although maybe this is only if you're tried and tested.)

 

[Unique]

To be fair, you've mostly received the opinion of ISTJs. Maybe ESTJs are, shall we say, a bit more 'vocal'. I cringe inside when my ESTJ housemate suddenly has a little rant about how unorganised and generally impossible everyone is being, but I actually find it hilarious when she does that so I just laugh and do it. I'll get on with whatever she asks, usually about cleaning up after myself better. It's usually not directed at me though, so it's funnier.
I can't recall her ever nagging about anything stupid though. What was the nagging about in your case?

If they do have a little indirect rant at you the best thing to do is apologise and look hurt and say you'll do it but maybe not at this moment because you're doing something else. The result seems to be mild embarrassment and apologies from them (although maybe this is only if you're tried and tested.)

Was about some random general clutter/mess. Completely the last thing on my mind, I have better and more important things to do.

At a whopping 10%+ of the population though ESTJs are going to widely vary with their opinions. Some may nag about trivial s**t and others will only care about the important things.

I also see your point about ISTJs, they prefer to keep to themselves mostly as long as no one disrupts the way they do things the generally leave people to do things their own way (unless in a natural position of power of course like boss>employee etc)

 

[T-Guy]

Lukepd, was the nagging about general clutter/mess around the house? Because if that is the case, you bet an ESTJ or any other organized person will nag you about it.

 

[professor goodstain]

get'em drunk. Until you've gott'em drunk so many times that they no longer nag because they've broke contact with you permanently.

 

[Unique]

Lukepd, was the nagging about general clutter/mess around the house? Because if that is the case, you bet an ESTJ or any other organized person will nag you about it.

It was in the one spot so I guess I should of said condensed mess? haha

He admits to being 'anal'

I don't really mind either way I got around to doing it just cause I'm nice like that and stuff

 

[MacGuffin]

On another note I am beginning to see why the OP started this thread in the first place. On 2 occasions today ESTJs asked (and I use that word loosely) me to do some completely trivial things that had no urgency in a very nagging manner.

Simply an unhealthy SJ?

Actually pretty normal. Like an NT that gets distracted by some interesting idea than the work at hand.

 

[563 740]

Allow me to quote noted relationship advisor, Cannibal Corpse:

Hatchet...
To the...
Head!!!
Hatchet to the head!
Hatchet to the head!!
HATCHET!!!

 

[CJ99]

Im an ESTJ - I nag because people either do things wrong or too slowly. Actually the nagging part comes after I've asked someone nicely to do something and they havent, so the 2nd and further communications about the issue are my nags.

What would make me stop nagging is for you to:
1. acknowledge me (most important - I cannot stand passivity, its disrespectful)
2. just do it to save you from all my future naggings
3. at least give a reasonably explanation for why you havent done it ('not everyone does things like you' is not a valid argument - I know not everyone does it my way but my way is the most efficient and correct way and you know it you are just being stubborn)

I dont know if other ESTJs are the same but to me its important to feel like people value what I have to say and treat me with respect. I guess its about acceptance maybe?

Thats the thing about ESTJ in general! They have the natural arrogance of an NT and none brains!

 

[CJ99]

Yeah, but let's say you are responsible for taking out the garbage that will be picked up tomorrow morning. When you just sit around doing nothing, I have good reasons to tell you to do your job. So there shouldn't be a need for smooth talking or asking nicely or giving you a reason because you are not doing what you are suppose to do.

What you guys don't realise is that "responsabilities" really mean very little most alot of people.

 

[CJ99]

If you want an SJ to stop nagging you, listen to him or her. It's frustrating for both parties. They'll probably nag you when you aren't fulfilling your responsibilities. So be responsible to their standards.

But what has there responsabilities got to do with you?
My dad always nags me to do things that aren't anything to do with him and if it wasn't for the fact i'm a stick insect he would be permanantly black and blue by now!

 

[T-Guy]

What you guys don't realise is that "responsabilities" really mean very little most alot of people.

You won't get anywhere with that kind of mentality

 

[Unique]

CJ99 I wouldn't insult other peoples intelligence when you don't even know the difference between "there" and "THEIR responsibilities" which was also spelt incorrectly.