[MBTI General] ISTJ-ENFP Relationship Starter (Help!)

[d@v3]

Well, I know this may seem far-fetched, but I havn't always been an ISTJ. In fact, I think I may have been an ENFP (or at least Exxx) at one time. Now before anyone starts poking fun of that statement (beat!) let me explain!

Yes, I used to be a risk taker, a real livewire. Then, due to a series of misfortunate events, I changed into an ISTJ, I vowed I would never be like the people who caused the misfortune on my family- the type of people who would take advantage of others just to make more money. The thin red line between right and wrong got etched into my mind. So THAT is why I am so attracted to the ENFP? They remind me of what I once was? I am always surrounded by Exxx's my whole family even extended family are Exxx and of course, all of my friends are Exxx.

However, none of my family are ENFP type, which intensifies my curiosity for said type. My best friend is the only ENFP in my "inner circle" that I know of, and we get along great! We keep eachother from getting down on ourselves. How much harder is it to get along with the ENFP female version? ENFP's truly bring the best out in me whenever I meet them, and I don't know why. (It must have something to do with their whimsical attitudes?) It's really strange, but I like it. That's the best I can explain it.

Anyways, what about the idea of the mutual friend?

 

[Lady_X]

my honest opinion is that...on that friend level...the types get on great. the trouble comes in when you mix your lives together in that serious relationship way and have to deal with each others cleaning habits and financial priorities...but if you can keep that separate or be tolerant then i think it can work....the thing is that people assume the enfp grows up and behaves like "most" people and it's just not true...haha

 

[RiderOnTheStorm]

my honest opinion is that...on that friend level...the types get on great. the trouble comes in when you mix your lives together in that serious relationship way and have to deal with each others cleaning habits and financial priorities...but if you can keep that separate or be tolerant then i think it can work....the thing is that people assume the enfp grows up and behaves like "most" people and it's just not true...haha

Amen...

 

[d@v3]

Well, I grew up with my best friend, and I know there are things that will never change. Naturally, I became tolerant of those things. (I'm not a control freak like some ISTJ's can be.) We could never stay angry at eachother, and we never have. (A couple days later we would look back and laugh.) But I tend to get along with just about anyone. And honestly, I wouldn't want the ENFP to grow up, because that's what makes them an ENFP!

So can anyone tell me the difference in personality between the ENFP male and ENFP female? Is there any? I'm sure the female is more outward with her emotions? and would it be wise to pursue the "mutual friend" idea?

 

[WithoutaFace]

Seriously, if she is always coming up with an excuse for it not to work, she probably doesn't see you as a potential. She could even be playing games with you, who knows. Stay objective and move on to other people, the sooner you can move past this, the sooner you can start to function normally again. Learn to trust your instincts; if they tell you something is wrong (like her being flaky, non-commital), perhaps it is. Even if your instincts are wrong, trust them, through experience your instincts will be refined.

That's my fifty cents, I hope I'm wrong and everything works out for you.

 

[Anja]

I think erinavery had sound advice that she gave me a little while back:

A lot of times there is a strong initial attraction with ENFP/ISTJ but in the long run there are going to be some significant hurdles in communication and understanding. I haven't been in a romatic relationship with an ENFP but I have a good female friend that's ENFP and I can see how this could be...

This is true.

If you're in it for the long haul both of you will have to have patience to spare.

 

[d@v3]

Yeah, your right. But do you think she could be oblivious to my intentions? Something bothered me about what Wild said earlier... an ENFP could go on a date without realizing it? lol! I tried to make it obvious, but without giving myself away or sounding like I was interested in only one thing... (because I'm not!) OR she could be a wierdo who just likes to friend people randomly, talk to them for a few days, then stop cold in the middle of a conversation and move on to the next victim? All completely innocent and have no idea.... I guess we shall wait and see!

 

[luminous beam]

i think you should tell her you'd like to go out and catch up sometime in real life...and ask her if she's interested any time soon. ask her questions where her response would be more definitive so that you better know where you stand on the matter.

 

[Lady_X]

well we do randomly friend people yeah...and we/i don't always trust our intuition...out of modesty or something...like she may think you like her...but doesn't want to assume....because that would feel arrogant...or something.

but...i also think...and not to hurt your feelings...but it's possible she just wants to be your friend...because i've always found the time to spend with someone if i wanted to...but...like you said she really might just be busy...so ask her straight out....or tell her straight out that you like her.

 

[WithoutaFace]

I knew a girl like this once. We would always seem to connect and have deep insight into each other. She would always overwhelmingly circumvent me with complements. It was specious, and it seemed like a good sign. However, after a few assertive attempts to elevate the situation, she was resistant like your case.

Basically: Things always seem attractive and auspicious at first, however it all boils down to facts. If latest events suggest to back off, do so. If you persist overwhelmingly, you might even scare off the potential for mutual friendship.

 

[WithoutaFace]

well we do randomly friend people yeah...and we/i don't always trust our intuition...out of modesty or something...like she may think you like her...but doesn't want to assume....because that would feel arrogant...or something.

but...i also think...and not to hurt your feelings...but it's possible she just wants to be your friend...because i've always found the time to spend with someone if i wanted to...but...like you said she really might just be busy...so ask her straight out....or tell her straight out that you like her.

And I think she's right.

 

[Jack Flak]

Wait, so ENFP's don't like to commit just to a simple date? like going to movies or going to dinner? Maybe that's why she keeps coming up with excuses? How do I NOT get disheartened about that? Your message is telling me that I will virtually never get her to go out with me because she doesn't like to commit to a time or date!

Hmmm...The following post is only relevant if you think she might be ENFJ.

So far I've asked two ENFJs on dates, and the adamant caution-in-action both displayed was extraordinary.

Regarding the second request, you can't convince me she hadn't nearly or actually fallen in love with me (and I'm a terrible pessimist, so I wouldn't think that if there weren't compelling verbal and non-verbal cues), but still she insisted on hanging out more first. Maybe we just have different Ideas of what a date is, because I thought it was hanging out!

Nevertheless, it doesn't matter, because in first case I learned that attempting to illustrate that it may be, from my perspective, an unnecessarily delaying stance, will fail.

 

[d@v3]

I knew a girl like this once. We would always seem to connect and have deep insight into each other. She would always overwhelmingly circumvent me with complements. It was specious, and it seemed like a good sign. However, after a few assertive attempts to elevate the situation, she was resistant like your case.

Basically: Things always seem attractive and auspicious at first, however it all boils down to facts. If latest events suggest to back off, do so. If you persist overwhelmingly, you might even scare off the potential for mutual friendship.

I think that's where I'm at right now. I don't know if sending her a friendly text message would annoy her, or if it would entice her to feel more comfortable with the friendship idea.

And to me, a date would be going out for dinner or going to a movie. Is that adequate?

 

[Lady_X]

it's good...fine yeah...i would think she would know you were on a date then...haha...but...i've gone out to eat and to the movies with guy friends before and it wasn't a date...so...hmm...make it clear i guess.

 

[d@v3]

it's good...fine yeah...i would think she would know you were on a date then...haha...but...i've gone out to eat and to the movies with guy friends before and it wasn't a date...so...hmm...make it clear i guess.

If I were to make it clear to her, it would be odd because I'm not exactly good at saying things at the right time. I would end up saying something stupid on the way to the movie like "hey, you know this is a date right?" Then I would realize what I just said, and probably feel like kicking myself for being an idiot.

 

[Lady_X]

but you can be that way with an enfp...cuz were that way too...awkward is okay...and sometimes pretty cute.

or you can say...so...i'd like to ask you out on a date now...big smile... wanna go see a movie or get somethin to eat?

 

[d@v3]

but you can be that way with an enfp...cuz were that way too...awkward is okay...and sometimes pretty cute.

or you can say...so...i'd like to ask you out on a date now...big smile... wanna go see a movie or get somethin to eat?

oh no! really?! I wish I knew that in the beginning! I always thought that everyone hated when the SJ's were blunt with them! I was trying very hard to make sure our conversations ran smoothly instead of just abruptly asking her out. Now I bet she thinks I am REALLY suspicious and I bet she is wondering about what my true intentions are. This is a bigger mess than I thought. Now I really don't know what to do.

 

[Lady_X]

it's okay...haha
we're blunt...we like blunt just fine...just be lighthearted so she feels she can answer honestly without hurting your feelings...so she can say..yeah! that sounds like fun! or...how bout we go as friends instead.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Aren't you very low on T ?

If our local relationship professionals are to help you I think that they should now this if this is true.

Good luck.

 

[Lady_X]

^ talking to op guy? and why does that matter in this situation?