Intelligent men and air-heads

[Rohsiph]

I want to be challenged by women. I admit an odd appeal to "flighty" types, but my interest dies very quickly whenever such flightiness is less indicative of a strong imagination than of actual "mental blankness."

I am inspired by women who are more intelligent than me. Too bad (for me) all of the ones I know are married/engaged.

Submissiveness turns me off.

Note: I've never dated. eh . . .

 

[runvardh]

Sorry girls but we're all too few and far between. I have to live with it so I guess you ladies have to as well.

 

[heart]

Maybe an opinion? Don't be belligerant, c'mon.

If you took my response as belligerent, you are projecting. For your own sake, if that is your measure of hostility, never venture onto a AOL message board, for your own sake.

 

[artie]

why smart men settle for dumb women.

I think part of the problem is that most men choose "down", while most women choose "up" when it comes to socio-economic status and other status in partners.

Most, if not all, men know this instinctively, so if a woman is of equal or greater intelligence to them they are likely to assume she will think they are trash. And statistically they are probably right.

I read somewhere most single women are successful while most single men are economic under-achievers. This fits the theory, the men are looking for women even less sucessful than them while the women are competing over a tiny number of men above them. If the single women are angry about being single they need to take at least half the blame themselves.

So a very intelligent woman may be overpoweringly facinating and attractive, but I would not hope for much.

(But it's not universal so there's always hope).

 

[FDG]

If you took my response as belligerent, you are projecting.

And this, again, sounds belligerant to me. Sorry.

There's also possibly a social influence part, although males may have personal preferences in intelligence terms, on the outside the idea is that scoring with a hot chick is the thing to do, not scoring with the highly skilled chemist (or business person, economist, etc.). These sorts of expectations probably seep into people's minds and have influence that way, or have more direct influence in terms of people feeling successful.

If that's the motivation, it's pretty shitty. I think it's more lilkely that the highly skilled chemist/business woman doesn't have time for them.

 

[Zergling]

If that's the motivation, it's pretty shitty. I think it's more lilkely that the highly skilled chemist/business woman doesn't have time for them.

Amount of time goes both ways, so if this were the only influence, successful men at jobs or other areas would also have trouble finding females to date/get married to them. There are also a number of effects that will add up to a person's choice, one of which is likely social influences/pressures.

 

[Mycroft]

This suggests that Robin Williams and Jim Carrey are total morons. Do you really think this is so?

Uhm...

 

[Mercurial]

Attraction drops to zero if I can't see them as potentially equal in that capacity. Being low-maintenance isn't enough to balance what they lack in the long-term.

Typically, the intelligent ones I've met that aren't ()#*$&*()#$ing lunatics are either married, or lesbians.

There's been a few, but the circumstances were a rolling disaster. Timing is something very important that bites a lot of people on the ass even if the relationship has been going over a year.

 

[FemMecha]

Amount of time goes both ways, so if this were the only influence, successful men at jobs or other areas would also have trouble finding females to date/get married to them. There are also a number of effects that will add up to a person's choice, one of which is likely social influences/pressures.

And that's the stereotype isn't it? Men typically prioritize their time at work and career over relationships. Women have traditionally been conditioned to accept this as a 'male' trait. What if women rejected men who refused to stay at home to care for the family rather than developing a career?

I know from experience and peers that intelligent women who actively develop intellectual pursuits can very much want a relationship and get turned down based on the stereotypes attributed to intellectually successful women. There have been few things i felt less in control of than interactions with men. It amazes me that men think women are in control. Such women aren't in control of relationships unless they are around men who surpass them intellectually. It sounds ironic, but it somehow turns out to be true at least some of the time.

 

[Economica]

I know from experience and peers that intelligent women who actively develop intellectual pursuits can very much want a relationship and get turned down based on the stereotypes attributed to intellectually successful women.

(Disclaimer: The following paragraph is associative in nature. I do not believe that what I write necessarily applies to you, toonia, or your peers.)

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For all their intelligence, some intellectually successful women never seem to grasp that their physical femininity is a non-negligible part of their overall attractiveness and so they gain weight, eschew makeup, mangle their hair, overlook their body language, dress like one of the guys... These women should not jump to the conclusion that what is keeping them from becoming the object of men's desire is the force of their intellect. (I do understand where they are coming from - I thank my lucky stars that I learned this lesson early.)

---

Irrespective of looks, it is true that some men are turned off by an intellectual personality, however, others are definitely attracted to it. Have you tried ENTPs, toonia?

 

[artie]

Toonia, Some INFJs function best being single, Mother Tersea, me , Beethoven (although it's possible he drank himself to death). Others have profound and deep relationships (Billy Crystal). I'm just saying you may be working yourself into a frenzy over something you're better off without, or at least able to be perfectly happy without.

Anyway things are probably better for intelligent women than they've been at any time in history or prehistory. Womans liberation is still very new. A very short time ago most men would have thought a woman on top in bed signaled the end of civilisation (sorry it's the only example I could think of) now many prefer it. The way things are going it wont be long before it's the same with women being on top intellectually or career-wise.(Especially if America leads by example with a female President who has an unemployed husband).

 

[FemMecha]

I should clarify that i'm not available. I'm quite taken. I still enjoy the issue because i lived through many a stereotype being a smart cookie, and if you need to know, pretty darn cute.

No frenzy here, mostly playful jesting. :hi:

edit: i will add that even though things have improved for women, that doesn't mean all is as it should be. You mentioned Beethoven. Did you know that Mozart had a sister many considered equally talented? Or that Chopin's older sister showed more promise than he did musically? Or that some of Fanny Mendelssohn's music was published under Felix's name. Or that Liszt's daughter, Cosima Wagner, was berated by her husband Richard Wagner for attempting to be a professional composer? Well their voices were essentially lost to history, and their contributions could well have been as profound as their male counterparts. The dismissal of female intellect is not a source of strength to society. Going half-way implies that women are not intellectual equals, but justifies the belief by attempting to give them something.

 

[heart]

(Disclaimer: The following paragraph is associative in nature. I do not believe that what I write necessarily applies to you, toonia, or your peers.)

---

For all their intelligence, some intellectually successful women never seem to grasp that their physical femininity is a non-negligible part of their overall attractiveness and so they gain weight, eschew makeup, mangle their hair, overlook their body language, dress like one of the guys... These women should not jump to the conclusion that what is keeping them from becoming the object of men's desire is the force of their intellect. (I do understand where they are coming from - I thank my lucky stars that I learned this lesson early.)

---

I agree and also I think introversion combined with a more scholarly bent, like scoring high on the Intellect part of those five factor tests, may make a woman seem to be uninterested in dating and romance or sex. Doesn't even have to be "intellectually sucessful" just give the image of being distant and aloof.

 

[xtremegeek]

Maybe we could turn the table on this discussion a bit...
Does it bother any of you intelligent men when women seem to go for the chiselled body man? Why do so many women lust after men with such well defined bodies?

I notice chisel bodied men probably more frequently, but for a LTR, I do prefer the slightly chubby, braniac...as long as he's taller than me.

As a female, I use biases to rule out certain male companions, just like men use biases to rule out certain female companions. I don't know, maybe it's just all natural selection...

 

[runvardh]

I still stand by the fact that the two who would make each other happiest are always too few and too far between. It's like you're expecting all the smart guys to show up from all corners of the globe to grovel before you. Sorry, us smart guys know all you smart ladies aren't going to do that for us so we've learned to settle for "less". Once things stablize you will all understand.

 

[Lateralus]

A man has to have serious balls or a deep sense of denial to date a woman more intelligent than himself.

I'm in this position right now. I really like it. Maybe it's because I'm an NF. Maybe it's because I am very secure in my assessment of my own intelligence. Maybe it's because I'm not a very serious person. Maybe it's something else. I can't say for sure. I do know that I find most women dreadfully boring (and annoying). There's just nothing underneath so I get bored and toss them aside. I want intellectual challenges in my life.

 

[nottaprettygal]

I notice chisel bodied men probably more frequently, but for a LTR, I do prefer the slightly chubby, braniac...as long as he's taller than me.

Heh. This made me laugh. I'd date an orange, slimey, smelly, fat monster. . . as long as he's taller than me. It's as if women can overcome every physical flaw a man has, except height.

 

[Wolf]

Heh. This made me laugh. I'd date an orange, slimey, smelly, fat monster. . . as long as he's taller than me. It's as if women can overcome every physical flaw a man has, except height.

It's a fact of life, though. Women can't accept a male that is even an inch shorter than them.

 

[runvardh]

It's a fact of life, though. Women can't accept a male that is even an inch shorter than them.

So that's why my mother left my father...

 

[FDG]

I notice chisel bodied men probably more frequently, but for a LTR, I do prefer the slightly chubby, braniac...as long as he's taller than me.

Why would this be, if I may ask? You believe that there must unquestionably be a tradeoff between body composition and intellect/intelligence/smartness/mental quickness?