What's your "armor"?

[???]

Dual-wield giant door shields.

 

[cascadeco]

Oh, I suppose actively deploying non-desire-to -engage body language and tone and strictly-business, formal, is what I use most when out and about, or not interested in chatting with customers. Which equates to putting up a wall and firm boundaries, and keeping convos from starting. Works remarkably well. Of course the price is being viewed negatively, probably, which I was less ok with when younger.

Generally, if I feel 'unsafe' with someone, the armor will be similar - withdrawal and lack of engagement.

Apathy or 'meh nothing will be changing' is an armor against a feeling of futility or loneliness or insanity/ludicrousness of people.

I guess judging is also armor - covers up any feeling of helplessness or pain. Hurt or anger is replaced with judgment.

Also: I will be super candid here for a moment - all of this is because I *am* probably super vulnerable and have the capacity to be really giving and too self sacrificing (self obliterating might be more accurate) so it's all self protection from being taken advantage of (plus I think a lot of people suck so I don't want to play into their world anyway), so few see any of this. So I end up appearing the opposite to most.

 

[Yuurei]

Yes, as in RPGs armor is also limiting. One must weigh the limitations against the benefits, in the situation at hand. Likewise, not tipping people off to your armor balances the virtues of stealth with deterrence. The latter, after all, requires armor to be readily apparent and effective-looking. All depends on the type of encounter one is expecting, and the other resources at one's disposal (see below).

This is why I prefer not to wear armor. It can't always be relied on in every situation. It can slow me down, it will break.

The interesting thing about people, is that seeing their 'armor' or strength can also show their weakness. This tactic of mine no doubt comes from a distrust that any safety net-be it person or object, cannot be relied on and will inevitably let me down.
No doubt this is not a strength rather some sort of complex. None the less, I'm still standing while I watch nearly everyone I know fall around me. So It could be worse. Could be one of them.

Your example about cold politeness is a good one, but I would say more like a weapon. I have a coworker who is especially troublesome because he weaponizes courtesy. People don't realize how slimy/sleazy his behavior is, because it appears unfailingly polite and even friendly. Meanwhile, he is undermining you behind your back. My old supervisor was on to him; the new one is completely taken in.

*Shudder* I've known people like this. One of them has been stalking me ( we're talking recordings, identity theft, normal theft, impersonation ect) to me the act was blatent and I never understand ow no one else could see through the disgusting and pitifully transparent behavior.

I'm sorry that you were unable to get rid of him. Must be infuriating.

 

[Osiris]

I'm aloof and accidentally an asshole. I'm working even harder to fix that now that my life has changed though.

 

[StrawberryBoots]

I guess my armor is seclusion.

 

[Meowcat]

Everyone has a metaphorical suit of armor. Our "armor" shields us from a real or perceived threat. It can be literally anything that makes us feel safe, whether external or internal (behavioral). For example, fashion, makeup, hairstyles, accessories (like carrying a cigarette, cup of coffee, or an instrument everywhere as a security object), and even forms of nonverbal communication such as facial expressions/gestures would be categorized as external. There are also behavioral tactics we employ, on an often subconscious level, that make us feel safe and secure. This, too, is armor - which you can't see until interacting. The aloof coworker everyone calls a bitch. The neighbor across the hall who can't do more than small talk.

So, what's your armor?

To not be fucked with in bad situations - logic, judging, defensive/offensive aggression, with the latter used less, but yes, this cat can fight pretty well preferably fight by logical rules though. The logic is also used for emotional protection.

Lately discovering how there is sometimes a deeper mental war being fought against gaslighting, or so to speak, brainwashing tactics by others and especially against selfishness masquerading as niceness, where the selfish purposes may motivate the gaslighting-brainwashing tactics and similar at the same time. When people try to impose on you their view of reality and value system regarding the situation or regarding your person so that their selfish purpose is achieved/maintained. So a new added armour for me would be, better psychological awareness of what other people's beliefs and intentions are along with detection skills for these mental and emotional patterns.

Oh, I suppose actively deploying non-desire-to -engage body language and tone and strictly-business, formal, is what I use most when out and about, or not interested in chatting with customers. Which equates to putting up a wall and firm boundaries, and keeping convos from starting. Works remarkably well. Of course the price is being viewed negatively, probably, which I was less ok with when younger.

I am curious if you don't mind. Do you mean this armour of aloofness causes others to view you negatively because others wish to automatically socially connect with everyone?

 

[The Cat]

A grin.

 

[cascadeco]

I am curious if you don't mind. Do you mean this armour of aloofness causes others to view you negatively because others wish to automatically socially connect with everyone?

Yes, you'd be surprised at the number of people who can have that expectation/desire.

However I work in an industry where the ever-cheerful chatty barista can be an expectation from the customers. I feel I often 'disappoint' people via my not doing that / being that way. Some of the extreme extroverted customers, or customers who have a chip up their butt because they are unhappy and expect everyone else to be happy for them, or are conversely happy and don't understand why everyone else isn't, will give passive aggressive comments/hints at that at times.

Also I think there can be a double standard with women/men. It's more socially acceptable for a man to be aloof, but not so much for a woman.

 

[Coriolis]

However I work in an industry where the ever-cheerful chatty barista can be an expectation from the customers.

Not this customer. I have no patience with baristas, waitstaff, cashiers, etc. who are chatty beyond normal courtesy. Just give me my items, take my payment, and let me be on my way.

Also I think there can be a double standard with women/men. It's more socially acceptable for a man to be aloof, but not so much for a woman.

I have heard of that, but have never felt those expectations directly, and would pay them little heed even if I did.

 

[cascadeco]

Not this customer. I have no patience with baristas, waitstaff, cashiers, etc. who are chatty beyond normal courtesy. Just give me my items, take my payment, and let me be on my way.

Fortunately the vast majority of customers aren't this way; however prior to working in this sort of job, I wouldn't have anticipated the % who DO act this way to be quite as high. Though I will say that I think part of it is sbux's own corporate fault / due to their own 'culture' that they want to extend and portray - as a company they project this out to everyone and so the expectation from the customer becomes more cemented. Compare to a more independent coffee shop where baristas can get away with more/ the same sort of expectation hasn't been established or projected as much.

I have heard of that, but have never felt those expectations directly, and would pay them little heed even if I did.

I hadn't experienced it as an issue prior to working in the service industry. In theory I don't pay it a huge amount of heed, but in practice it can grow tiresome / wear on you - for the select % of customers where you get this sort of vibe. Or even from upper management who prefer their baristas / the 'culture' to gradually become more ExFx or something. Every company ofc has its prerogative but when you don't quite fit that mold and those who do get more affirmation, it becomes tiresome.

Edit: Actually no, scratch the not having experienced prior to service. In terms of jobs, it's true I've really only felt it in the service industry. But in terms of social 'expectations'/norms, I've always felt very self conscious throughout life being the quiet more serious girl, and envied the fact that a dude could sit around a campfire and just not say much of anything really and that's cool. With a guy it's viewed as more ok, with a girl, not as much. fwiw I think there's a difference here between your being Te and my being Fe - so it therefore bothers/affects me more.

 

[Firebird 8118]

My anger is my armor... and my sword. It kills people (metaphorically speaking, of course).

These days when I'm feeling the greatest emotional pain, I can turn ice cold towards people as well and walk away. It throws them off. I've now gained a reputation as the Heartbreaker/"Blue Fire" (whatever that means)...

 

[The Cat]

My anger is my armor... and my sword. It kills people (metaphorically speaking, of course).

These days when I'm feeling the greatest emotional pain, I can turn ice cold towards people as well and walk away. It throws them off. I've now gained a reputation as the Heartbreaker/"Blue Fire" (whatever that means)...

Urban Dictionary: BlueFire
I dont think it means what you think it means.

 

[Firebird 8118]

Urban Dictionary: BlueFire
I dont think it means what you think it means.

Lol thanks, that cheered me up

Nah someone called me that one day - he was like, "You're like blue fire, in one moment you make people feel warm and happy but then you turn around and snatch it back from them like ice." I was called other names as well...

 

[The Cat]

Lol thanks, that cheered me up

Nah someone called me that one day - he was like, "You're like blue fire, in one moment you make people feel warm and happy but then you turn around and snatch it back from them like ice." I was called other names as well...

Ive been called names too. I learned to incorporate them into the motley.

 

[Firebird 8118]

Ive been called names too. I learned to incorporate them into the motley.

Heh, I like that sounds way better than psychologically tearing myself apart over the words... thanks.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Probably something between "I've seen it all", "I know more stuff than most" and "I am good at suggesting others what to do".

 

[SurrealisticSlumbers]

It's more socially acceptable for a man to be aloof, but not so much for a woman.

You better believe it!

 

[Mind Maverick]

 

[Morpeko]

Metal music was my very first armor. As an adolescent, I felt powerful whenever I listened to it. I perceived myself to be somehow stronger with loud guitars, heavy drums, and harsh vocals blasting into my eardrums with a hood up. On the plus side, it drowned out the noises of my peers. I still like this genre a lot but I don't think it works as armor anymore.

At that age, I also used dark clothes as armor. Black hoodies and dark skinny jeans. Band shirts from Hot Topic. I also dabbled into purple and black lipstick and nail polish. Now it feels like I was trying way too hard.

For a long while and up until now, I definitely use aloofness. I try to reject everyone before they can reject me. Obviously it has some downsides, but it still works decently as armor. I wonder how much of my "edgy" personality traits have been developed over time to be used as armor, and if I would be this way if I've lived under different circumstances.

I've also gotten into Krav Maga as an armor as well. Started taking it last year because I thought I was way too weak, vulnerable, and defenseless and needed to learn some form of self-defense. It's helped quite a bit. I really wish I had gotten into it earlier.