I feel "Californian". I am obviously American, but I have never identified strongly with my nationality, not being a nationalistic person. I was born and raised in California and was not immune to my environment, so I am pretty much Californian. Whether I travel out of the country or just to a different part of the United States, I am pretty readily identified as a Californian. It is pretty interesting when I am in another country that they distinguish between, say, a midwestern American (who seems to be the stereotypical American, along with Southerners; odd to me given that most people reside in cities, if I am not mistaken) and a Californian. I get called a "California girl" a lot.
Growing up, I always felt a bit alien, but I suspect I'd feel that anywhere. People around me also think I am a bit odd (not overtly avant garde like I am challenging social norms, but more of the creepily, subtly strange demeanor thing), but again, I think I'd get that anywhere. So it is pretty amusing how I have to leave my home to be identified with it and to identify with it myself

. It seems like immigrants often identify more strongly with their ethnic/cultural backgrounds than natives do, and I suppose I understand why now. You don't fully realize how much it has shaped you until you are not immersed in it, and then there is some desire to retain "yourself" in a new environment.
So now for the long part...
As far as my family history, like many Americans, I am a euro-mutt. I have German immigrant grandparents on my dad's side and my mom's family came from Spain to the USA in the mid-late 1800s (due to political upheavals in Spain). I have some Italian in there too and probably Jewish via the Spanish side. I have a great aunt who was a librarian and a great uncle who both did genealogy for the Spanish side of the family, so we know our history very far back.
Given that a big chunk of my heritage is Spanish, my social identify has become confusing. Growing up, it was not. There was no question that Spaniards are Europeans in my home, and my family saw themselves as both white/caucasian and "Latin". Ultimately, we are/were just working class American people, eating meatloaf and whatever for dinner. But then the whole "Hispanic" thing started to get popular, increasingly so as I became a teen, and that was confusing. Living in California, it was especially awkward because many people here that are from a Spanish speaking culture are not white or are a mix (often euro + indigenous americans). Thus, many people use Hispanic to mean "non-white" as if it is a "brown race". To make it worse, I don't speak Spanish and my grandparents speak a different dialect from Mexicans (the most common Hispanics in California). They also were raised in the Southwest USA and adopted Southwest culture, which is very "Hispanic" in many ways. So I have found myself in the precarious position of explaining what I "am" to people, particularly because I look weird to people. When I say Spanish, people often think I am being snobby (even racist) and denying any indigenous heritage, and they think that is why I don't say "Mexican". To them, it is some code for saying, "I am totally white, not mixed like YOU". But no one in my family has ever lived in Mexico nor immigrated from there; we simply don't have that culture or heritage. Yet, it gets more confusing because as noted, I am Californian, and that very much has Mexican influence! So I feel on eggshells when answering the "what are you" question, and I feel like people want to take away my family history and give me a Mexican identity because it is more convenient for them. I have talked to other people in California with a "Hispanic" (UGH, I really hate that word) heritage other than Mexican who have felt this way too. We can be made to feel like we are politically incorrect for having a specific heritage...
In actuality, I mostly look Spanish, although a lot of my features are from my German dad. But people don't seem to know what Spanish people look like, although arguably they just look like Southern Europeans. So people often guess I have an Italian or French heritage, but some think I am more, er, exotic and guess part Asian (often 1/4 Korean...but just 1/4....funnily enough, I went to Korea and Koreans think I look totally "American"). It's just the way I came together though; my features give an illusion at times. Some people can tell I am "Hispanic", but they don't grasp that this is European and that some Latin Americans are pretty much white; or maybe they feel Southern Europeans like Spaniards, Italians and Portuguese are not white, IDK. Other times, people think I am just generic "white". Things were worse for my mom, given she had a Spanish maiden name and grew up in California as a pale, freckled redhead who spoke no Spanish.
I definitely go through life as a white woman. Even my grandparents, with their Spanish names and accents, went through life as white people (and with all the advantages that come with it; and even a "double advantage" of "crossing cultures" due to being bilingual & white among "Hispanics"), and so I guess when people want to identify us with a "minority race" it doesn't feel right. Especially given the history of Spaniards and how brown hispanics may experience discrimination, it really feels "off" for people to call me Hispanic when I know they mean "non-white". Being a racial minority is not only NOT my identity, but it is also not my experience.
So there is my heritage and the confusion it creates in my life

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