Why are Americans so FAKE?

[Coriolis]

Is also a social ritual. "How are you?" "I'm good, thanks. How are you?" "Good, thank you." It's a little dance you do when you meet someone, a familiar routine that everyone knows, and it's what you fall back on when strangers come together. Silence is rude, but they don't know each other, so they do the little dance. The good intentions are genuine, even if they have nothing to say to each other.

It is an invitation for the other person to be revealing, if they want to. Maybe you asked it to just do the customary social steps, but people will surprise you. I worked retail for 12 years. That's 12 years of doing this with the general public, thousands of total strangers. Many times, I asked the question to just go through the motions because it is polite and important to acknowledge the people around you, and many times I was pleasantly surprised when people gave me a genuine answer and allowed me to see a little piece of who they were as a person before we parted ways.

But see - I don't want to "do a little dance" with every stranger I meet. I don't want them to see those pieces of me, and to be honest, I don't care to see the corresponding pieces of them. I interact with people for various reasons. I want to take care of whatever that reason is and move on. If the reason for interacting is friendship and socializing, then I will have much more to say to someone than those superficial pleasantries. So, they are never really needed at all.

 

[free electron]

Why are Americans so fake? Fake Smiles, fake greetings, etc? "How are you" without meaning that shit, small talk is bullshit and a way to either wast time. They think they're being courteous with one another when in reality they are RUDE AS FUCK. People should be honest with another, and instead of pretending to care, show what is within themselves. why is such a small percentage real? Don't say because it's herd mentality and a fucking problem with self, e.g Russia is nothing like this. With Russians it's rude to be friendly with others because you don't know them giving them a perception of self preservation so they won't have to stab the person at a later date, no one asks "how are you" unless they know you, and it isn't a joke question but something to be taken seriously. This attitude creates a people that are loyal to one another.

Well well well, seems like someone has had a bad experience with an american and is now blaming the whole country for that. More seriously though, I think what you are talking about exists (not for all, of course but for many) and that is simply a cultural thing. You see them as fakely warm, they may see you as bluntly cold. What looks like a flaw to you might look like a quality for others, some poeple actually enjoy walking down the street with others smiling at them and greeting them even if they don't know each other. May be interpreted like good manners

 

[Sinmara]

But see - I don't want to "do a little dance" with every stranger I meet. I don't want them to see those pieces of me, and to be honest, I don't care to see the corresponding pieces of them. I interact with people for various reasons. I want to take care of whatever that reason is and move on. If the reason for interacting is friendship and socializing, then I will have much more to say to someone than those superficial pleasantries. So, they are never really needed at all.

And that's fine. You don't have to. They may see you as rude, but if it's a brief encounter, you're unlikely to see them again, and you're not being cruel about it, it doesn't really matter in the longrun. Just understand that the small talk isn't an empty or useless exchange and that it does have meaning for a lot of people. :3

 

[Coriolis]

And that's fine. You don't have to. They may see you as rude, but if it's a brief encounter, you're unlikely to see them again, and you're not being cruel about it, it doesn't really matter in the longrun. Just understand that the small talk isn't an empty or useless exchange and that it does have meaning for a lot of people. :3

That is indeed unfortunate, as I tend to be more courteous and even helpful than most people I see around me.

 

[1487610420]

data is never rude

 

[Coriolis]

data is never rude

Exactly. I recall his being rather helpful, too. But does he make smalltalk?

 

[Mole]

Formally Informal

Have you been to the South?

One of our poets of Oz, Max Harris, visited the American South and felt comfortable with Southern manners.

Strangely enough we are similar in manners to the American South because we both have formal manners.

Interestingly, our manners in Oz are formally informal, and the manners of the American South are also formally informal in order to provide social comfort and solidarity.

 

[Mole]

small talk isn't an empty or useless exchange and that it does have meaning for a lot of people.

And strangely enough the meaning of small talk is concealed from a surprising number people, because small talk has emotional meaning, but not intellectual meaning.

So those constitutionally out of touch with their own feelings, are incurious about the immediate emotional state of anyone else.

So rather than facing the rather frightening emotional fact of being out of touch with their own immediate feelings and the immediate feelings of others, they say they hate small talk, which means they emotionally hate those who practise small talk. And naturally they diminish those who practise the art of small talk.

 

[Evo]

Why are Americans so fake? Fake Smiles, fake greetings, etc? "How are you" without meaning that shit, small talk is bullshit and a way to either wast time. They think they're being courteous with one another when in reality they are RUDE AS FUCK. People should be honest with another, and instead of pretending to care, show what is within themselves. why is such a small percentage real? Don't say because it's herd mentality and a fucking problem with self, e.g Russia is nothing like this. With Russians it's rude to be friendly with others because you don't know them giving them a perception of self preservation so they won't have to stab the person at a later date, no one asks "how are you" unless they know you, and it isn't a joke question but something to be taken seriously. This attitude creates a people that are loyal to one another.

This is why I didn't acknowledge anyone that spoke to me in highschool, unless I knew them and trusted them. Which was like 3 people.

Then I had to grow up and get a job. And get paid to say "Hello, how are you" to everyone that walked through the door. It kind of grew on me, I suppose.

No, they don't actually care how you are. If you were to start telling them how your day actually had been, or how your life actually is going, past a sufficient "good" or "great" ... it seems like some people get uncomfortable.

Greetings in general are very robotic for me sometimes irl, because of this.

I think one of the reasons people do it, is to gauge each other? I'm not really sure though.

 

[Poki]

Exactly. I recall his being rather helpful, too. But does he make smalltalk?

Yes, but the average person isnt interested because its not....fake

 

[Bush]

When someone I barely know -- e.g. a cashier at some store I frequent -- asks me, say, how my family's doing, etc. it solidifies the amount of distance there is between us. We know that the question doesn't actually communicate "I want to know how your family is doing," and we know that my response doesn't actually convey how my family is doing. It reinforces our particular dynamic.

It's not the biggest deal in the world, but that's somehow more uncomfortable than a simple "hi." I don't need our dynamic reinforced! We can be chhery and friendly people because we often are cheery and friendly people but we can leave it at "hi" and you can ring up my groceries, thanks

 

[entropie]

Americans... dont get me started Thats like masturbation with yourself. Or you know what I mean that doesnt make much sense, I Know, wait: i MEAN phew, I am watching you !

 

[Mole]

The Japanese culture has formalised fakery.

They call daily, social, compulsory fakery, tatemae.

The Japanese make Americans look open, genuine, friendly and sincere. The Japanese make Americans likeable.

 

[Coriolis]

When someone I barely know -- e.g. a cashier at some store I frequent -- asks me, say, how my family's doing, etc. it solidifies the amount of distance there is between us. We know that the question doesn't actually communicate "I want to know how your family is doing," and we know that my response doesn't actually convey how my family is doing. It reinforces our particular dynamic.

I consider such questions to be nosy when coming from someone I do not know well. It is none of their business, and of no interest to me. I rarely give the expected response in such situations. Here I might say, "With all the people who come through here, I'm surprised you can keep track of any of your customers' families." That usually gets them prattering on about themselves and their great memory (or lack thereof), which I can ignore as I complete our transaction.

 

[ceecee]

I consider such questions to be nosy when coming from someone I do not know well. It is none of their business, and of no interest to me. I rarely give the expected response in such situations. Here I might say, "With all the people who come through here, I'm surprised you can keep track of any of your customers' families." That usually gets them prattering on about themselves and their great memory (or lack thereof), which I can ignore as I complete our transaction.

I just want my items scanned and bagged in some sort of timely fashion. I do not care about the conversation and I know those stupid wheel of confusion bagging systems were partially invented to increase proximity and chit chat. Scan, bag, swipe my cc, goodbye.

 

[GIjade]

I've noticed that most of the people in this thread who posted that they are not in favor of small talk pleasantries, are INTJ.

 

[Mole]

During the Korean war the North Koreans were surprised to discover they didn't have to torture their American prisoners to get them to change their beliefs.

By contrast other prisoners had to be tortured to get them to change their beliefs.

It appears that Americans are trained from birth to be open minded, and to consider rationally all beliefs.

Of course being a prisoner of war of the North Koreans is an extreme example. But on a day to day basis Americans cling onto their beliefs by the thin string of rationality. This gives their beliefs little resonance and little ballast. And so we see Americans here proud of their nihilism and take narcissism for granted.

And so believing nothing at any depth, Americans will believe anything, whether it is astrology, or mbti, or as prisoners of the North Koreans, international marxism.

 

[Coriolis]

During the Korean war the North Koreans were surprised to discover they didn't have to torture their American prisoners to get them to change their beliefs.

By contrast other prisoners had to be tortured to get them to change their beliefs.

It appears that Americans are trained from birth to be open minded, and to consider rationally all beliefs.

Of course being a prisoner of war of the North Koreans is an extreme example. But on a day to day basis Americans cling onto their beliefs by the thin string of rationality. This gives their beliefs little resonance and little ballast. And so we see Americans here proud of their nihilism and take narcissism for granted.

And so believing nothing at any depth, Americans will believe anything, whether it is astrology, or mbti, or as prisoners of the North Koreans, international marxism.

Really? I would like to know the North Koreans' secret then. I find it very hard to disabuse the average American I meet of their beliefs, however internally contradictory or nonsensical.

 

[Norrsken]

I am an American, born and raised in the North-East. I'd say if anything, the people in my life are very cold and unemotional compared to the other states in my home country that I have not yet ventured to. If the OP wants a "totally real" experience, maybe you should give New York a try; I was born there and lived there for the first 11 years of my life. I'm weird since I always was and still am a pretty nice person overall, but New Yorkers are definitely a distant bunch who wants to hurry everything up and would give you a mean look if you ask them how are they doing, especially if you are a stranger to them. I've also lived in New Jersey and Pennsylvania. New Jersey is definitely fake nice, and can tip to dangerously hostile to social outcasts; Pennsylvanian folks are more direct in that, they take one good look at you at first, and immediately decide if they hate you or not. They'll even tell you this to your face.

I think the fake nice phenomenon is something that happens in the Southwestern states as well as the deep south. Never been to those places, but my dad has visited Texas once and the people there are super duper nice. Moreover, Americans in general are Christian Protestants and we were all taught to be respectful to others, though I'm sure some of us have taken it too far and it just comes across as awkward. I'd say it is even more awkward for me to greet someone casually and get a mouthful about being a phony. I'm sure even Holden Caulfield can take a greeting as just that: a non-threatening opener.

OP, it is truly not that deep. Nobody is trying to stab you in the back just because they want to know how you are doing. Not every conversation has to be 2deep4u in order for friendships to develop. Real relationships take time to flourish, and it often starts with a casual greeting and light moments here and there before everything deepens. It is, of course, a strange thing for me to learn as well, since I am a basket case by American standards, in that I really do love deep conversations with perfect strangers and find small talk to be particularly boring. But, I've learned that we have to start off small in order to create a life lasting relationship. Nothing wrong with that!

 

[Lark]

FFS.