[ENFP] ENFP's: Good or Bad Listeners?

[SillySapienne]

So, to any ENFPs out there, which do you think you are?


And, for all of you that know or have known any ENFPs, have they been, or are they generally good or bad listeners.


I know that we are extroverted, and like to talk and all that jazz, but I've been, what I would confidently classify as an "excellent active listener", my whole life.

I enjoy getting to know people, and as such, have reveled in finding out about other people's most inner lives and selves by and through hearing about their pasts, their thoughts, their feelings, their theories...

Love to *hear* your thoughts on this too!

 

[nomadic]

someone on my friendster wrote me this testimonial years ago...

" He usually has a hazy far away look in his eyes, but when he listens, he really understands what you are saying... like he totally gets you "

lol

 

[alcea rosea]

I'm baaaad listener. Very bad.
It's because I have so many thoughts that I have to share to people that I almost don't have time to listen.

I have learned to be a bit better listener during past few years because I have learned to focus my attention to the person talking to me, not to my own thoughts. The same time that I listen, the same time I'm trying to figure out the other person. Multitasking is something that I really need to do most of time, so I do that while listening to a other person. That is how I can concentrate because I have pretty poor concentration skills unless I'm very interested about something. And people are mostly very interesting as "study subjects" and their thoughts are also mostly interesting (when they talk about people issues, lol).

 

[Xander]

Lovely as ENFPs are to talk to, I'd have to say they're bad listeners. They become distracted too easily, they can be judgemental if it cuts close to their values and they almost always advise you to do something because that's what they would do and not necessarily because it will suit you or the nuances you are trying to address.

 

[alcea rosea]

Lovely as ENFPs are to talk to, I'd have to say they're bad listeners. They become distracted too easily, they can be judgemental if it cuts close to their values and they almost always advise you to do something because that's what they would do and not necessarily because it will suit you or the nuances you are trying to address.

Very good post. I think the distractions is the other thing that makes me a bad listener in addition to my own thoughts that keep running around like wild horses.

 

[nomadic]

they almost always advise you to do something because that's what they would do and not necessarily because it will suit you or the nuances you are trying to address.

dood. that is so true! (for me)

 

[SillySapienne]

Perhaps I am an atypical ENFP.



Nobody that I know would describe me as a bad listener, however, my best friend and ex, (the two people who know me the best) would definitely say, that when I am arguing, I become temporarily deaf, lol, well that's because they become temporarily deaf too so i have to resort to repeating myself.

 

[alcea rosea]

Perhaps I am an atypical ENFP.



Nobody that I know would describe me as a bad listener, however, my best friend and ex, (the two people who know me the best) would definitely say, that when I am arguing, I become temporarily deaf, lol, well that's because they become temporarily deaf too so i have to resort to repeating myself.

If you are not as strong extrovert as I am then you might be much better listener! I think really strong extroverts are usually very bad listeners...?

 

[SillySapienne]

and they almost always advise you to do something because that's what they would do

I am guilty of this, but if you come to me with a problem, and I confidently know what the best working solution would be, you bet your ass that I am going to share that with you, isn't that why we talk to each other in the first place? To help each other out.

My ex learned to just tell me, flat out, "I don't want any of your input, just let me fling my poop for fifteen minutes".

It's hard for me to listen to someone I care about do or think something that is detrimental.

Gah, yeah, it is difficult for me to be a *passive* listener.

Interesting stuff....

*ponders*

 

[SillySapienne]

If you are not as strong extrovert as I am then you might be much better listener! I think really strong extroverts are usually very bad listeners...?

Hmm, I would say that I am pretty extroverted, and highly excitable though not necessarily easily distractable, lol. If I find someone or something boring, I'll just peace out, either physically or mentally, rather than feigning or attempting to engage them/it.

I know when I am listening and when I am not, sometimes someone will say something that will make me think of something else for too long and too intently that I will get temporarily lost and have to stop the conversation and "let" myself back in, but usually when someone is talking to me, I am actively imagining/putting together everything they're saying. I dunno, it's as if their words come alive or something.

 

[Uytuun]

Well, one thing I've noted is that they draw stuff out of me, but don't say a lot about themselves. I don't generally talk about myself that much, so it's kind of scary.

 

[Little Linguist]

My ability to listen is based upon a number of factors:

a) emotional attachment/interest;

b) number of tangents running around my head/concentration level;

c) rested/tired;

d) involvement in work/projects;

e) objective/subjective interest in the subject matter;

f) intensity of above interest.

I can go into more detail later if you are interested. However, my husband and friends usually say that I am pretty extreme in this matter. Either I am a fantastic, brilliant listener who remembers detailed specifics and people's feelings and act accordingly or a GOD-AWFUL one, in which I do not care a damn what the other person has to say, and they just need to BE QUIET depending on the circumstances mentioned.

 

[CzeCze]

Actually, I second Captain's self-assessment. When it comes to people with problems or when I'm engaged and enjoying getting to know someone I'm an excellent listener and even counselor type listener. I enjoy listening to people and connecting with them.

When it comes to people venting, upset, or sharing problems or drama -- I withold judgement and am very politic and careful to tailor my advice to make it accessible and appealing to the person receiving it. I don't lie, I just word it in a way that isn't as painful for them to hear, b/c otherwise, what's the point of giving advice that nobody takes? I generally interject empathizers or ask questions but keep it to a minimum until they're done.

I've been like this since mid-adolescence and I was a peer counselor in highschool. I also wanted very badly to be a psychologist when I was younger so I think that may shed some light on why this ENFP can listen like an...INFX? LOL

Listening is a wonderful way to connect with someone deeply and really show them that you care and are trustworthy. I think when I was younger I discovered that and that's why I put energy into being a good listener. I was sooooo flippin' frenetic and off the wall and considered VERY eccentric and odd by my peers, so I had to make a more concerted effort to listen and get down to a human/accessible level in other peoples' eyes.

Also, I think this is reflective of type, but I craved intimacy and value that kind of closeness still and deep listening is a great avenue to it!

Uh-oh...I just took some cough medicine and it's hitting me. I lost my train of thought, I'll continue this later...if I remember.

I will say though that in everday conversations, you couldn't tell if I were any better or worse than the next person as a listener. I'm VERY VERY chatty, and people think you can only be a good lisener or talk a lot. I disagree and I take exception to that.

Just because you're quiet doesn't mean you're paying attention to other people who are speaking (INTPs, this mean you! LOL) and just because I talk a lot doesn't mean all my neurons are reserved for 'speaking only/no listening'.

Can't I be multi-talented??? Can't I???

 

[strawberryfields]

I hope I'm a good listener. People naturally seem to tell me stuff, even strangers, to the point of slight oddness! I mean just on long bus journeys in the past year or two I've had a girl sitting beside me start crying when telling me her boyfriend recently broke up with her, a woman tell me she'd just found out she was infertile, and this lady telling me about her husband and how he'd died just before their 50th wedding anniversary on Valentine's Day (that was sad). A lot of friends confide in me about things and quite frequently I'm the first person someone calls when they're upset, and people often tell me they value being able to talk to me. I'm really fortunate though because I don't find listening a chore; I can listen to someone for hours on end without getting bored. I'm borderline for introvert/extrovert though, which perhaps makes a difference. I think a lot of good listeners are I's; I did a counselling course this year and there was only one other extrovert in the class.

In terms of other ENFP's I know, I can only think of two - one is a wonderful listener and makes me feel secure when I'm talking to her, and is always willing to provide a gentle but honest perspective. The other is awful and almost always makes me feel minimised when I've spoken to him about something and I always get the impression he has better things to do. I would imagine ENFP's have a tendency to offer advice, which when it's perceptive and insightful can be valuable, but it can also give the impression 'This is so simple to solve, you're just too stupid to think of it yourself'. I probably do that sometimes, although it's something I've worked on.

 

[Angry Ayrab]

When its just time to shit around and yap, like at work in the nurses station, I am Mr. motor mouth, trash talker extraordinare, comic at large etc.... etc.... Sometimes I notice this, and would be like oh snap, I need to shut up, and so I will say: Well Ms. Hot nurse who I will never get a shot with, what do you think about blah blah blah.

When someone really needs to talk though, I shut up... and really listen. I do interject and finish sentances and so forth and give advice, but damnit, I am really listening.

When I am totally absorbed in you, I give you superficial information about myself that seems like I am totally being so open with and really give off an air of sincere openess and then delve into the raw personal questions and thoughts of the person. I can usually get anyone to spill their guts.

Then I have these just being polite with the old people in the hospital conversations, where they literally talk for 30 minutes while I nod appeasingly yet am probably halfway accross the world. It never hurts since all they wanna do is just share their thoughts, and they always think I am such a great young man that will be an excellent doc someday. Its all just being polite, and you gotta figure out what people want.

I can read anyone in about 1-2 minutes of interrogation, and then chamilion mode turns on, not to be rude, but I like to engage people on their level, and I enjoy it too, so its not like it hurts anyone.

 

[IEE623]

Well, one thing I've noted is that they draw stuff out of me, but don't say a lot about themselves. I don't generally talk about myself that much, so it's kind of scary.

My ability to listen is based upon a number of factors:

a) emotional attachment/interest;

b) number of tangents running around my head/concentration level;

c) rested/tired;

d) involvement in work/projects;

e) objective/subjective interest in the subject matter;

f) intensity of above interest.

I think I'm a good listener as well, but mostly based on those factors Little Linguist mentioned above. I also can elaborate almost any conversation about anything. However, I do have a problem talking about myself *_* Does any ENFP have the same problem?

.

 

[Angry Ayrab]

However, I do have a problem talking about myself *_* Does any ENFP have the same problem?

.

Ditto, no braggin from this side of the river about myself, unless its anonymous like on here... yay.

 

[Venom]

i am a good listener. i love helping people with their problems. it makes me warm and fuzzy when people confide in me...
however...due to how silly and unfocused i can be in daily life, people rarely consider me as someone they would confide in ...




my quiet, caring and serious side, is rarely shared to the outside world... im either silent with 0 emotion showing, or im bouncing off the walls....

 

[cn1234567890]

i'm very much like babylon candle...

 

[phoenix13]

I didn't read any responses, but...
I'm fantastic if I care. Otherwise, it won't matter how many times you tell me, I will reject it. That also means I won't ask you about it, so at least you don't have to repeat yourself.