That sounds a lot like what I experienced.
I put up with it, and put up with it, til I had nothing left to give.
Then, and only then, after having put up with more than you can believe, did I leave.
/ enneagram 6
I've never been dumped because I was high maintenance or difficult.
In fact I have only been rejected once. Im usually the one to leave relationships.
My biggest problem is that I'm excruciatingly independent.
My break-up with my long-term boyfriend was mutual. We both cried, and we had nothing but respect for each other and talked about how much we had helped each other right before he left. The reason we broke up, in short, is that he wants kids and I don't, and that is only the beginning of our long list of pragmatic differences and things that just won't work.
He has dated a few other people since then (we broke up March 2011) and he still cites me as the most stable, up-front, honest and "low maintenance" girlfriend he has had. (I heard this from a friend. She told me how he has nothing but respect for me and found me easy to get along with, etc. He's a social 9w8 so he really values stability.)
That being said, it took work for me to get there. We both put work into the relationship, and I put tons of work into myself before the relationship. I was 29 when we started dating, and had done a TON of thinking and self improving prior to meeting him. I knew he was special and I did everything I could to be good to him, while still being true to myself, and balance things. In my early 20s as I mentioned before, I was more volatile like your typical sx4 description, but I did not drag anyone else into my problems; I simply told men I would not commit, and I could not, because it would be unfair to them.
The worst complaint I would possibly receive from a long-term boyfriend who I'm truly committed to, is that I'm distant/ doing my own thing (writing, music etc, not with other people). If they can't tolerate my sexy promo shots, my unconventional political views and will to speak out about them on occasion, my chronic illness, my desire to express ALL of my feelings in art and music and writing, my male alter-ego, and my dark taste in music, they wouldn't be dating me in the first place. That is the first part of me that anyone meets. If they make it past that stage, the hardest thing for them to accept would be that I get lost in my fantasy world and I'm not quite "there" sometimes, and that I don't like social gatherings and keep to myself alot, and need to take long walks in solitude etc.
Well, regardless, [MENTION=17911]Animal[/MENTION]... sexual fours are extremely idealistic when it comes to relationships. Also, I doubt anyone would ever call them 'easy' or 'low-maintenance', as I have been called. That would be because 1. I'm not quite as idealistic when it comes to relationships (I still am, but not as much). 2. I keep my frustrations for the most part internalized.
I am extremely idealistic. I've been working very hard on accepting a more realistic view. ^ see above Re: low maintenance - although I am high maintenance *internally* which is why I need tons of time to myself. In its own rite, this can be high maintenance because I'm very protective of my time and my chance to process things. If I cannot process, if I am needed in the real world too much or there are too many demands on me, I can be feisty and curt. I hiss.
Oh, my family, friends and boyfriends call me "it" lol.. (ie, "Is it hungry? How is it feeling?") because I literally respond to things I don't want to do by hissing. Among other animal-like habits.
But if someone doesnt' get the hint from that, there will be words.
However I DO NOT want someone thinking they should take care of my emotions. Not happening - those are mine. If somenoe wants to KNOW them, to NAVIGATE them, I secretly yearn for this but I would welcome it on my own time.. I don't want intrusions.
I guess that's kind of difficult and annoying yes.. but not "high-maintenance" in the usual way that it is used. In that sense, I'm very low maintenance. I don't want tons of attention, lots of money spent on me, a shit ton of 'quality time' etc. I am very physical with boyfriends and love touching and being touched, but my sensual and sexual appetite has always been a plus rather than a minus, meaning it's "sexy" but not "clingy." I don't have problems in the physical department, for whatever thats worth.
Fours are very hard on themselves like ones, and with the line to one there is a focus on improvement. I think the one fix will make a four more rigid, like you look at them and there's almost a SJ quality, kind of something fussy or proper. Conversely, an eight fix is just more solid, I think, with an element of 'don't fuck wit me.' - Not in a reactive six way, but in a more nonverbal way.
yeah I kind of agree. I would have to go with 8 fix for myself, I think. I think the lines are more important than the fixes, in a way, and that's why people sometimes see "1 fix" in me, because of the line. People also see 2 in me. But I'm not rigid in that sense. I have met 4s like that so I know what you mean.
I'm thinking I likely have an 8 fix actually, if I must have one. Yeah, I'm volatile but more like when I feel the need to stand up for myself or for others, less about my feelings. I think I just get this sullen or grumpy look on my face. And then I'm asked if I'm ok and my immediate reaction is 'yeah, I'm fine, leave me alone.' If I admit to being moody I'll just immediately say that I'll deal with it or I'll downplay it to deflect attention away from myself.
Yeah.. makes sense. I relate to this somewhat, although I really want to be alone when I'm moody, rather than sit there being grumpy. When I lived with my ex in a one-room studio, I would just go for walks or to the gym to 'let out my anger' so he wouldn't have to deal with it. When I was sad or grumpy and couldn't leave, I went into my own world. But to be fair I was so happy with him and he was so gorgeous and sweet that one look at him, and i couldn't be that sad anymore. This is why I hold out for the "right" guy rather than compromise. I know my ideals exist to some degree, but what I'm working on, is when I have to let go of some of them.
I considered adding more content relative to what you you were conjecturing about, but I'm a tad bit reticent to do so.
I'd be curious what you have to say, since I'm also a 478 ENFP and probably Sx/So, so I'm curious in what ways I would relate.
The thing is that an ENFP will need time to develop Fi to actually figure out *what* and in *what way* they need something to work for them in order to actually get shit done (Te). And the world generally has very little patience with that, causing quite a few rebellious episodes in an otherwise so rational looking enfp. So if you've got someone who is being triggered but doesn't realise it, and doing the push and pull thing, chances are that they haven't figured out yet what it is they're supposed to want and in what way to make it work for them.
). Many however do improve seriously in this respect due to being told that this is important (and it is.), but its not without its cost and effort.
