[ENFP] How do ENFPs behave when attracted to someone?

[RandomNF]

When they like someone. When they are in love. And so on.

(I happen to have an ENFP friend who has been behaving very oddly in my vicinity.
Blushing, shyness, occasional muteness, embarrassment, constant staring at me, nervous laughters... Not the kind of behaviour this person usually exhibits.

But I'm not sure.

I actually doubt it... I've heard that ENFPs can behave like they were interested without actually being interested at all.

In fact, I almost never think that anyone would be interested in me (which has resulted in some shocking surprise "I luv u" statements directed to me), but this person is behaving just too uncommonly.

Help me )

 

[BookLady]

yes, that is how I would act...esp the staring

I don't know how old you are...but it sounds like me!

When they like someone. When they are in love. And so on.

(I happen to have an ENFP friend who has been behaving very oddly in my vicinity.
Blushing, shyness, occasional muteness, embarrassment, constant staring at me, nervous laughters... Not the kind of behaviour this person usually exhibits.

But I'm not sure.

I actually doubt it... I've heard that ENFPs can behave like they were interested without actually being interested at all.

In fact, I almost never think that anyone would be interested in me (which has resulted in some shocking surprise "I luv u" statements directed to me), but this person is behaving just too uncommonly.

Help me )

 

[wedekit]

I have no idea how close this is to a typical ENFPs way of behaving, but my best friend is one and I see a distinct pattern to how she acts around people she likes. She basically mentally panics around them and gets surprisingly introverted at first, doubting that the relationship will ever happen or work out so that she doesn't get her hopes up. Then, when it does happen, she slowly warms up and gets comfortable around that person. Ultimately she gets so comfortable that she likes to be jokingly mean to them; calling them names, etc. Her current INTJ boyfriend (another good friend of mine) seems to never really know how to properly react to these remarks because he sometimes can't tell if she is joking or not. Now I will describe her relationship with her current boyfriend:

She likes to try and get involved in some of the things that he does for fun, like video games, which is sometimes an invasion to his independence since they live together. She can't stand being alone, and he can't stand not being alone. Her getting involved usually means watching him play for five minutes (give or take), announcing that his video game is boring, and then asks him to play a different one that she likes when he would much rather play the other one. The games she likes are the kind with instant gratification, usually involving a point/score system. He prefers games with more depth and strategy, typically being RPGs.

She likes to turn everything into a compromise, which ticks him off since her suggested "compromises" are usually heavily biased in her favor. In the heat of the fight she often uses her emotions to formulate not-so-sound logic, and her boyfriend spots it instantly, but when he calls her out on it she accuses him of calling her emotions stupid. She usually uses her feelings to dismiss his opinions, labeling them as insensitive. However, he somehow is able to get past all of that since he loves her. They are very cute.

I think it's funny because they fight so often, yet she is typically not the type of person that picks out arguments or fights with anyone.

 

[arcticangel02]

When they like someone. When they are in love. And so on.

(I happen to have an ENFP friend who has been behaving very oddly in my vicinity.
Blushing, shyness, occasional muteness, embarrassment, constant staring at me, nervous laughters... Not the kind of behaviour this person usually exhibits.

But I'm not sure.

I actually doubt it... I've heard that ENFPs can behave like they were interested without actually being interested at all.

In fact, I almost never think that anyone would be interested in me (which has resulted in some shocking surprise "I luv u" statements directed to me), but this person is behaving just too uncommonly.

Help me )

Yeah, that sounds like your ENFP might indeed like you.

What they're talking about when they say that ENFPs can behave like they're interested, when in fact they're not, is our intense interest in the subject at hand - we can seem quite absorbed in the person we're talking to, even though to us it may just be a friend or even an acquaintance. But we do this around everyone - I'm sure you've noticed your ENFP friend behaving like this?

It's when our behaviour changes (and often get shy/awkward) that usually indicates feelings on our behalf.

 

[Clentizene]

You're toast

 

[arcticangel02]

Haha, Clentizene!

 

[RandomNF]

Thanks for the answers. So I probably haven't been paranoid.

What they're talking about when they say that ENFPs can behave like they're interested, when in fact they're not, is our intense interest in the subject at hand - we can seem quite absorbed in the person we're talking to, even though to us it may just be a friend or even an acquaintance. But we do this around everyone - I'm sure you've noticed your ENFP friend behaving like this?

Oh yes, my friend concentrates 110 % when talking to just anyone... sometimes I feel rather suffocated because of this deep level of absorption in the situation. (I blame my Introversion.)

 

[DynamicG]

I certainly do the shy thing when I'm romantically into someone. It's especially an issue of eye contact, as I tend to always make eye contact with people.

 

[SillyGoose]

Oh RandomNF I agree, you're toast

When I am interested in someone I behave very similar as your friend does. As I've matured, I've been able to grow out of it a bit more and not show it to my romantic interest, but on the inside...yep, that crazy, nervous, don't know what to say or act feelings are ALL there.

And yes, if I have no interest whatsoever romantically, sometimes my enthuiasm for the person as a friend is taken as romantic interest.

 

[CzeCze]

From the question, I thought you meant by "attraction" when you were just interested in someone? If so --

If I'm attracted to someone it's obvious because I make my intentions known.

I'm pretty impulsive and I like what I like. I thought ENFPs were like that.

If I start developing feelings for someone and I don't want them to know (?) I could act shy I guess...because hiding your feelings could seem like being shy?

Maybe I'm just older and wiser and free-er now (thank you all things holy) but I don't see the need to hide my feelings or attraction anymore. It is what it is and rejection ain't no thang.

On the flip, yeah, people can VERY EASILY misread ENFP behavior for romantic interest or flirting. That too, is what it is.

Alright, I'm distracted when I'm writing this so it's probably garbled. Maybe I'm just so shocked that the site is actually WORKING!

 

[DynamicG]

I think it may be an issue of the perceived feelings of the target.

If I know someone is into me, then I'm usually very forward with my intentions and my affection. I let them know I am interested in them.

However, in the cases where I'm not 100% sure, I'm usually pretty shy and hyper cautious about what signals I put out. Which leads me to appear quiet, which is pretty much the opposite of how I act in real life.

I don't want to speak for all ENFP's , (yet here I go) but I think this is an issue of being hyper aware of the perceived symbolic meanings behind words and actions. If you really value someone and see them as a possible mate, but don't know where or how they feel about you, then you will most likely play it safe and be reserved.

 

[VanillaCat]

Well, for me when I'm NOT attracted to someone and they are attracted to me, I tell them straight out that I don't like them... But I suppose you can say I lead them on for a bit before I tell them. It's quite the ego-boost, but don't expect most people to be honest like I'm being right now, haha!

But when I do like someone, I don't think I act different around them. I just watch what I say and focus more of my attention on them.

 

[alcea rosea]

How do ENFPs behave when attracted to someone?
When they like someone.

I withdraw.

 

[Angry Ayrab]

When I am interested in someone I go from a confident James Bond shaken not stirred type of guy into a total super shy 14 year old freshman girl who has a secret crush on the senior star quarterback in highschool.

 

[CzeCze]

Noooooo! Nooooo!

Stop being wusses you pansy ENFPs!!!!

How will anyone (*love interest cough cough*) take us seriously if you guys act so unsmooth!

Geez guys, it's like you never read 'The Rules' or watched 'Swingers' or anything.

 

[Angry Ayrab]

Noooooo! Nooooo!

Stop being wusses you pansy ENFPs!!!!

How will anyone (*love interest cough cough*) take us seriously if you guys act so unsmooth!

Geez guys, it's like you never read 'The Rules' or watched 'Swingers' or anything.

Oh I know the rules very well, its just.... Well I don't know what happens, its like trying to act normal makes you look like a lunatic. Think of the person high off his ass trying to think of how they would act normally when they are not high, and end looking so obviously high. I try to figure out how to act instead of be myself and then I try to figure out how to be myself etc... and then go into a crazy loop and end up looking like a total nervouse wreck freshman. Thankfully that look seems to be in with some women.

 

[cn1234567890]

Gosh it really depends...my issue is I don't like being pursued first..I like casual friendship/acquaintance that allows me to see if my uniqueness I guess will be appreciated and tolerated by the person and if we have fun together. it's difficult for me to do this when the guy makes moves when I don't really know him. I then get caught between wanting to please him and knowing I can't be myself. If I'm attracted to someone I can be shy.. but if the relationship is actually going to last I need to have fun and then you will just be able to tell. We'll be comfortable together and have fun.

 

[SillySapienne]

I'm a big blusher, when I like someone, thoughts of them, things they say, they themselves, make me blush, big time.

When I am initially attracted to someone I become painfully awkward, all of my social skills become temporarily lost, and forgotten, direct eye contact is avoided (due to the blushing problem), stuttering and strange moments of silence or bursts of nervous nonsensical jibber-jabber ensue.

When I find myself intensely attracted to someone I am almost paralyzed by the felt intensity, stupefied by it, or should I say stupidified.

But yeah, I a whole lot when I like you.

 

[chris1207]

You know, being shy around people you like is also an ENFJ thing. I've done it my whole life. In fact, now that I think about it, I've never had a girl like me for who I am. It sucks balls!

For me, I'm horribly afraid of rejection. I just shut up and wait for the wittiest comments to come to mind (girls love a guy that can make them laugh, right?) Fact is, though, that that comment never comes and I end up looking like some silent stalker. I hate it! I just want to be myself! If I open my mouth I come off as an asshole. I feel uncomfortable and I end up projecting that onto others by criticizing them. Ugh....

What's funny is when I do get rejected there aren't any bad feelings associated with it. The best way to describe the feeling is "relieved". It's all over! It's all in the anticipation of rejection. It's so suspenseful!

I know I'm not an ENFP but I hope this helps...

 

[Little Linguist]

Strange. Really strange. But then, I'm strange anyway.