tl;dr
I wouldn't consider myself ''feminine,'' I guess. As a Navy Brat, I grew up moving around often, and my best friend was my ENFP brother. I'd often just hang out with him, and his friends. I had one female ESFP friend when I moved up to New England, the area I've lived the longest. She tried with all her might to get me into 'girly' things- makeover, the works. It was an epic tale of hilarious fail. I just couldn't relate to her on those overtly effeminate dimensions.
I was never one for getting ''dolled up,'' so to speak.. in fact, dressing up formally is terribly uncomfortable for me. Skipped prom & spent much of the evening roaming a creepy little neighboring town, exploring a notoriously ''haunted'' cemetary with my handful of close [male] friends. [they were not brave, at all, hah]
I asked my ISFJ mother if I could just sport a tailored tuxedo & top hat for her 3rd wedding a couple yrs ago. She cringed, stuffing me into a puffy, bright red bridesmaid dress with a large bow in the back..
I try to imagine I'm in some kind of play or movie scene, and any event I need to dress like that for requires costume on set... it doesn't work, really- when people directly interact with me. I never was particularly good at improv. I typically find some excuse to leave early, making a polite escape.
I guess I just never personally grasped the whole concept of ''doing something to look/feel pretty.'' That said, I've got some deeply ingrained body image issues/pathological mental noise-- creating default biases that would stop me from even thinking to seek out that kind of feeling on some subconscious levels. The concept kinda resonates with the crass phrase Will Darnell mutters in Stephen King's
Christine-
''Ya can't polish a turd.'' I take neurotically good care of my skin, but that's more to keep things from getting any worse-damage control- not to ''treat'' myself, or make myself more attractive. Even my sparse use of makeup is more for sun protection, and damage ctrl. It doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to people when I attempt to explain it. My mind's kind of a mess, I suppose.
I think that default self-bias influenced what/how my general interests were developed.. Never being a shopaholic, Cosmo reading fashionista, falling in love with all the things associated with glamour/''romance''.. or rather, all the things that females are taught to associate themselves with.. Diamonds look like chunks of glass glued to a loop of metal, to me. I don't get the fuss, there. It's rocks... you're just wearing a bunch of rocks. When it comes to allotropes of carbon, I see more use in graphite over diamond. At least I can make pencils or conduct electricity with graphite.
Sure, people use jewelry as a token of love or commitment, but, I value sincerity & consistency in words/behaviors over any gift. I kind of feel like flowers, jewels and junk are conveniently thoughtless items to appear generically thoughtful to your s/o on Socially Mandated Gift-Giving Holdidays.. fuck those days. Fuck Hallmark. Just share your brain with me, explore the world with me. [please bear in mind, I'm only sharing personal pov, 'm not speaking in absolutes or looking down on those who value what I do not. Emotional languages are all expressed differently. Some I can relate to and subjectively value more readily than others, that's all]
..All that said.. most young female bonding activities seemed to revolve around talking about boys or preening at salons/spas, or dressing up to go out together.. so needless to say the majority of my own friends are male. I tend to think part of it's that I never properly socialized myself with females, so I never even indirectly picked up externally female-associated behaviors. I lack that squeaky sound some women can make when they're excessively happy/excited over something.. Giggling is lost on me. I don't understand the weird physical things women do, when trying to be ''flirtatious,'' -- I couldn't behave overtly provocative if my life depended on it-- nor do I have any drive to. The batting eyes, sultry gaze, that certain gait/walk. Just isn't part of my natural mode of interacting with the world.
Then again, these things are typically done to attract or pursue mates. My own bias probably comes into play here, as well, like why would I try to act a certain way when I knew not to expect anyone to be interested, by default. It wasn't anything I felt bad about; it was just part of my sense of reality. I'm ok with my awkwardly out-of-step..ness, in some ways.
I've mentioned in other threads my completely nonexistent maternal drive.. I don't go out of my way to make physical contact with anyone. I'm not a touchy-feely person, at all-- though I am deeply caring & empathetic (as well as endlessly intrigued by the vast, internal universe of the brain), which drives me to try to help people to help themselves. Typically I do this by discussing thoughts around the emotional reactions, asking questions, listening. Just giving hugs and saying things like, ''there there, it's okay.'' doesn't feel.. right. Not coming from me, at least.
Aaanyway, I'm probably not the most ideal sample of INFJ for this particular kind of question, since the aforementioned mental baggage likely compromises my response, at least in how
I see myself.
As for how others see me, when I first joined Vent here, a fair amount of members had mistaken me for an INTP male, which I found pretty amusing, if not oddly flattering. Friends IRL have told me I have a kind of masculine way of thinking/expressing my ideas, but physically appear intrinsically quite feminine in my own way.. awkwardly bashing into things, dropping stuff, beaten up sneakers covering holy mismatched socks, home-cut short hair and all. I'm aware of how others view me, but my brain can't see it beyond the rational understanding of a concept. I'm just not there in some ways, perhaps.
..wow this has gotten too long.. *enters subject title*