[MBTI General] ISTP IN TROUBLE WITH AN ENFJ FEMALE.

[babbygirlk]

Ok I have some issues dealing with an ENFJ women who is younger then me by 5 years and works at a pool hall I frequent. Let's start from the beginning I kinda liked this ENFJ women and I expressed my self through a text because we all know a very strong ISTP does not share feelings well (well I know I don't that well). Well I was rejected instantly. I told myself that that was okay. So I have been going there for about four months after that and I also play on a team there. Ever so slowly her affections have grown a little each time I see her. Well at first it started out as hey how ya doing, then to give me a hug. Then from give me a hug to give me a kiss on the cheek (or what she likes to say give me some love). Then just lately its been kisses on the forehead, cheek, and a slap on the ass. Then just a few days ago she was walking away as I was leaving and she said it pretty loud I love you and I said me too. She did not like that at all. She wanted me to say it back and I just couldn't. So I don't know what's next or how to deal with a person that is so expressive when I'm not.

 

[Poki]

Learn how to be expressive

 

[jixmixfix]

hmm lesbo love?

 

[tayto]

She can't expect you to say I love you after such a short time. That would be a lie and you should be proud that you aren't a liar.

It doesn't usually end well when an istp and enfj get together so my advice would be to let it go. If you think she's demanding now, you have to ask yourself what things will be like when she claims ownership of you.

 

[Thalassa]

Just explain that you're an ISTP and you don't say things like that easily or lightly.

Show her MBTI.

She will cry a lot less, and there will be a lot less drama for you to deal with.

 

[babbygirlk]

Well I have a new nick name and my friends have come up with Honest Abe. I have never lied to her nor will I. I will lay it on the table next time I see her. @tayto I have herd a lot of people say let it go but I cant it's like I can't help it. I cant seem to pull myself away. Once she takes hold she doesn't let it go. I tried not talking to her when I go there but she finds me anyway and starts talking about anything . @jixmixfix really does it matter if it was straight or "lesbo".

 

[jixmixfix]

@jixmixfix really does it matter if it was straight or "lesbo".

haha, no I was just being a curious perv.

 

[babbygirlk]

@jixmixfix Well it's complicated but you could say something like that. So what would you do in my shoes?

 

[Grungemouse]

How are you sure her expressions are genuine, or if she is merely doing it for the ego boost?

I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, it just seems odd for someone's words to contradict their actions, especially with the initial rejection. Perhaps to clarify this, you could try texting her again?

 

[gromit]

My ENFJ friend is very overtly flirty with a lot of people. Very warm, and demands physical and verbal affection but in a coy way, so it sort of comes off as cute, but it's also still sort of a demand. She actually uses that same phrase "give me some love" and points at her cheek. She says it to men and women both.

I have never lied to her nor will I.

I think this is honorable. Wish I had some better advice or anything.

 

[tayto]

Well I have a new nick name and my friends have come up with Honest Abe. I have never lied to her nor will I. I will lay it on the table next time I see her. @tayto I have herd a lot of people say let it go but I cant it's like I can't help it. I cant seem to pull myself away. Once she takes hold she doesn't let it go. I tried not talking to her when I go there but she finds me anyway and starts talking about anything . @jixmixfix really does it matter if it was straight or "lesbo".

What do you mean by "she starts talking about anything" ?

It really doesn't matter if you're gay or straight and in this day and age, anyone who did have a problem with it will get a wallup from me for being back in the 70's with their retarded views on morality. I get the feeling mixfix is definately pro lesbo though.

 

[Bamboo]

My impression of all this (based on what you presented) is that she is being somewhat demanding about your behavior when you two aren't even in a close relationship (as far as I can tell).

What do you mean when you say "she did not like that at all?" What changed, what did she do?

 

[jixmixfix]

@jixmixfix Well it's complicated but you could say something like that. So what would you do in my shoes?

Well I won't express my feelings or emotions to the other person, I rather go for the kill and make the first move like a kiss on the lips. Saying that I mean you should wait for the opportunity when you guys are close together and alone then make the move. If she backs away then just move on you know she doesn't have the same feelings you have towards her.

 

[tayto]

You know, if she's the right person for you she will recognise you're difficulty in expressing yourself and she will accept you for the emotionally unexpressive soul that you are. If you end up in a relationship with her and you find that she can't accept your lack of emotionality, what will you do then? Would you be forever trying to be expressive for her sake? Would you ever live up to her expectations? Would trying to mean you weren't living true to yourself?

 

[tayto]

My impression of all this (based on what you presented) is that she is being somewhat demanding about your behavior when you two aren't even in a close relationship (as far as I can tell).

What do you mean when you say "she did not like that at all?" What changed, what did she do?

Yeah, I'm curious about that too.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

The first question I have is do you know if she's into women?

I've flirted with my fair share of women who flirt with me when I bartended. Not to mention it is very flattering but I didn't seriously entertain them. I was working after all.

 

[babbygirlk]

Well when I say she starts talking about anything she makes excuses to talk to me on days I have league in a different section of the pool hall. So naturally I'm not really sure if shes just playing me or shes really trying to get "close". What I meant was she didn't like it all when I didn't say that I loved her back out loud. She tried to make me say that I loved her out loud . I don't honestly know if shes really into women, she shows off like she does and her Facebook has men and women listed. Another thing is I try to be close or hangout but something always happens where I'm stuck at work or she has her daughter or she took an extra shift (I guess thats fate for ya). It never fails that she has time off when I don't and vice versa. I don't verbally express my self well so I just text her but if my texts becomes to long or wordy its like she always says shes busy at work and didn't have time to read them. So I'm kind of stuck but when I see her Tuesday I'll she if she has changed and if not then I guess I'll just leave it be but I still kind of don't want too. It's like I'm drawn to her for some reason maybe she put a spell on me or something .

 

[Orangey]

Well when I say she starts talking about anything she makes excuses to talk to me on days I have league in a different section of the pool hall. So naturally I'm not really sure if shes just playing me or shes really trying to get "close". What I meant was she didn't like it all when I didn't say that I loved her back out loud. She tried to make me say that I loved her out loud . I don't honestly know if shes really into women, she shows off like she does and her Facebook has men and women listed. Another thing is I try to be close or hangout but something always happens where I'm stuck at work or she has her daughter or she took an extra shift (I guess thats fate for ya). It never fails that she has time off when I don't and vice versa. I don't verbally express my self well so I just text her but if my texts becomes to long or wordy its like she always says shes busy at work and didn't have time to read them. So I'm kind of stuck but when I see her Tuesday I'll she if she has changed and if not then I guess I'll just leave it be but I still kind of don't want too. It's like I'm drawn to her for some reason maybe she put a spell on me or something .

She sounds annoying. I'd leave that be.

 

[A window to the soul]

Respectfully, babby I think she may be toying with you. She may have honest intentions of being friends, but nothing more. This probably goes without saying, but guard your heart. The ENFJ's I know are very outgoing, have a lot of friends, know what they want, and are rarely without a significant other. (My older sister is ENFJ.)

If your ENFJ friend is interested, I'm guessing she'll be more proactive in her efforts to connect with you, then just slapping your ass. Examples of proactive ENFJ effort: frequently calling you, frequently asking you to call her, frequently wanting to go out, including you in her 'elite' social network, digging deeper into your personal life via conversations with you (and if necessary, conversations behind your back with your mutual friends), etc. You will have no doubts.

EDIT:

Well when I say she starts talking about anything she makes excuses to talk to me on days I have league in a different section of the pool hall. So naturally I'm not really sure if shes just playing me or shes really trying to get "close".

^That sounds like she enjoys your company and she's trying to be your friend. I don't see any clear indication that she's wanting more than that though. If you value her friendship, then meet her in the middle; otherwise, she'll get frustrated and eventually write you off. ENFJ's don't seem to have much patience or forgiveness for what they perceive as 'unfriendly' or 'socially rude' behavior.

 

[Domino]

Yeaaaaah, don't let her jerk you around. Sounds like she's trying to get your attention when you won't give it to her, and then taking advantage of it when she *does* get it. I don't jerk people around like that - perhaps since she's listed both men and women, it means less that she's bi-sexual, and more than she doesn't want to limit the attention she can get. *shrugs* I wish I could give you better advice.