[INFJ] Common INFJ issues

[Alchemilla]

This isn't related to anything but, fidelia, I love your picture

 

[FemMecha]

This might be something to which INFJs and other types can relate. I'm in mind of it because break is coming to an end. I can tell sometimes when people lash out, especially if it is somewhat out of the blue, that they do it to test people. By sensing the underlying motive I can often be non-reactive. Sometimes it works and is constructive, but i also get tired of it. It is a big reason I don't care to deal with people all the time. It's easier to give emotional reassurance for sadness than it is for anger, but more people choose anger because it feels stronger. It's not just type-related, but people who invest time observing and analyzing people and emotions can come to spot these emotional tests and know how to react constructively. I have to say I'm not entirely neutral about it because I do get tired of it and withdraw when there is too much of it. I understand from a distanced perspective that it is based on their experience and is reactionary to negative people they have encountered which I can empathize with as being unfortunate. But, even though I know how to deal with it professionally, it frustrates me that so many people have this need and express it in this way. It also frustrates me the times it has rattled me. It is only people, not monsters, who have committed all the types of harm in the world, mostly justified in the person's mind through negative emotion, and so I tend to take it as potentially serious. It can happen in any environment, except one where a person gets to be alone or with a trusted friend.

edit: I realize this post is dark in tone, but not necessarily incorrect. Perhaps I just need a little fruity wine and Fraggles.

 

[skylights]

quick question... INFJs, what do you think of Vicky Jo?

 

[Fidelia]

She rubs me the wrong way. The only useful thing I found on her site was the stuff about directive vs prescriptive people. I don't know her personally though, so it may be different if I did. I just wouldn't want people to assume all INFJs were like her.

Then again, I've been on a couple of INFJ boards before and while I initially found it interesting, that much INFJ all in one place was...terrible. I like it much better here where you get to see them interact with other people and can see who is alike and who is different etc.

Why do you ask?

 

[skylights]

cause she rubs me the wrong way too, lol. both some of the things she says and the way she generally behaves in videos make me a bit uncomfortable. i feel like she might be more pleasant to interact with IRL though.

mostly i just don't feel like she's very much like the other people i know to be INFJ in my life. i don't doubt her typing, but i feel like she's a bit of an outlier in some ways. i was curious if other INFJs resonated with her or not.

i agree though... too much ENFP in one place is terrible too.

 

[Fidelia]

It's almost like she's trying too hard to be kind of down to earth and folksy. Comes off as fake. And I don't like the dolphin wallpaper at all. She just doesn't seem to communicate in a way that seems typical of most of the INFJs I know.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

^I agree with Fid's 'INFJ boards' and 'too much' and 'terrible' sentiment above.

The only thing I've watched with Vicky Jo was the youtube video someone posted in the Dear Fe thread (I think that's the thread it was in), about distinguishing the difference between INFJ and INFP. As I said in the other thread, a lot of her description sounded more like instinct variant differences than Fi/Fe differences. Plus I just found her annoying. It might be because her description of the type didn't jive with what I've learned other INFJs and I have in common, or with what I've read about mbti- yet she presented it (seems to me) as if there were no doubt in its accuracy. If the information had jived, I probably wouldn't even have noticed the presentation style. I guess I'm wondering how she's arrived at the conclusions she's made, because it doesn't match up with what I know. I'm not saying I know the 'INFJ' structure I've built thus far is right, but I'd have a hard time believing I was wrong about the amount of information I'd have to be wrong about in order for her to be right. If that made any sense.

edit: also I agree about the dolphin wallpaper sucking.

 

[Fidelia]

E-zackly!

 

[FakePlasticAlice]

quick question... INFJs, what do you think of Vicky Jo?

I've only watched a few vids. and read a few things...but i find her to be annoying, which i tried not to let get in the way of what she was saying. She seems to be the kind of person if i were to see in real life i would turn and go in the opposite direction.:/

 

[FakePlasticAlice]

oh yes...and the dolphin wallpaper is ridiculous.

 

[skylights]

thank you guys for your responses. i agree, the dolphins are pretty awful... i feel like they kind of undermine any legitimacy her website was going for...

As I said in the other thread, a lot of her description sounded more like instinct variant differences than Fi/Fe differences.

huh, that's really interesting. i'm going to go read that with your thoughts in mind.

 

[Corny Carson]

Pretty much all of them fit me to a tee, with the exception of the last few. I'm a hungry learner, so while I do ask for help/advice about things I don't know much about technologically, I am eager to figure it out. I have a harder time keeping my opinion/problem bottled up than I do expressing it, with people close to me. And I try not to overpromise because I feel pressure acutely. I hate disappointing people. Everything else is scarily accurate.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

skylights- the instinct variant comment applies to this video (the only one of hers I've seen):

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7165456003151024181#docid=-8026923601827072974


I've been to her site. I've very much someone who gets worn out reading walls of text if the 'meat' is prefaced with a bunch of stuff that doesn't seem particularly relevant, or if the relevance isn't clear to me. I have this problem if I'm talking to someone in person too- if someone just goes on and on about something, I have a really hard time picking out the relevant pieces. It's like going to a restaurant and filling up on bread- by the time the main course is there, I no longer want it or care what it is. That's the effect this woman has on me, so I'm really not sure how much I agree with her usual points.

 

[Forever_Jung]

She is the Sarah Palin of INFJs.

 

[Random Ness]

I remember reading on her site an article (written by someone else, but still on her site), that it's stupid to think that INFJs are 1.5% of the population and not any more. Why is it so hard to believe that some types are genetically/survivally valued over others? It's not like nature was like, "OK, I'm going to take the MBTI theory and evenly distribute all 16 types throughout the population."

 

[Chloe]

Question to INFJs;
Do you have hard time admitting [to yourself and others] you stopped caring so much for someone you were very close to? You care too much to keep them even though you dont care anymore enough.

How are you like when in love? Intense? Slow in beginning but then nuts? Nuts in the beginning but then more controled/less expressive/enthusiastic but still hot on the inside?

You, you.. So confusing creatures!

 

[Fidelia]

Hmm, those are hard questions. For me, anytime I've cared about someone I probably would look cautious externally (although I would make myself very available to be in their company), and while I have an interest or care at the beginning, it gets increasingly intense as time goes on. If I have decided to let someone in to the inner chambers of my heart and later they prove themselves untrustworthy, I often have a hard time believing it at first and responding appropriately. It really shakes me up and makes me question my own judgement and I don't let just anyone in there so it is a big loss. It takes me a long time to get over someone that I have cared about, particularly if there are unanswered questions. I like to extract whatever I can of use out of the time we were together and even out of the breakup before I am ready to close the chapter on it. I like to have all the questions resolved and have a hard time just resolving them within myself somehow (NFPs are much more adept at this! I'm jealous of them). I don't think once that's taken care of though that I have a hard time letting things go. I would never start dating someone else within a month or two though if the person I had been with mattered to me (and I wouldn't date them unless I felt strongly about them).

 

[violaine]

Question to INFJs;
Do you have hard time admitting [to yourself and others] you stopped caring so much for someone you were very close to? You care too much to keep them even though you dont care anymore enough.

Hmm, I guess you are asking in order to assess someone's feelings towards you, yes? I may not be the best person to answer because I'm different now than how I used to be.

The constant is that it takes me a long time to truly stop caring. Even if someone does something heinous. In the area of romantic relationships, it doesn't mean I love them anymore in a way that I could be in a relationship with them. I won't lead someone on in that way. I think the fact I still care and am nice can make a person think there is still a chance when there is not. But I would never, never commit to being in a relationship with someone if I don't think it would work out between us, even if I have love for them. EDIT: And there is a big difference in the way I show I care as well. i.e. I'm a friend, I'm never open to anything flirtatious or romantic from the person ever again.

How are you like when in love? Intense? Slow in beginning but then nuts? Nuts in the beginning but then more controled/less expressive/enthusiastic but still hot on the inside? You, you.. So confusing creatures!

Ugh, I hate to admit it but I'm intense. I don't know how others might perceive me from the outside but I always feel really intensely inside. I am pretty sure I don't show it though and it used to be the case that if I really liked someone and was uncomfortable (EDIT: because I didn't want them to know how I felt) I would kind of ignore them. Lol. I also prefer not to physically rush into anything and rarely have even though I might be feeling very intensely for someone.

 

[violaine]

Hmm, those are hard questions. For me, anytime I've cared about someone I probably would look cautious externally (although I would make myself very available to be in their company), and while I have an interest or care at the beginning, it gets increasingly intense as time goes on. If I have decided to let someone in to the inner chambers of my heart and later they prove themselves untrustworthy, I often have a hard time believing it at first and responding appropriately. It really shakes me up and makes me question my own judgement and I don't let just anyone in there so it is a big loss. It takes me a long time to get over someone that I have cared about, particularly if there are unanswered questions. I like to extract whatever I can of use out of the time we were together and even out of the breakup before I am ready to close the chapter on it. I like to have all the questions resolved and have a hard time just resolving them within myself somehow (NFPs are much more adept at this! I'm jealous of them). I don't think once that's taken care of though that I have a hard time letting things go. I would never start dating someone else within a month or two though if the person I had been with mattered to me (and I wouldn't date them unless I felt strongly about them).

+1 to all.

And a big yes to the bolded. It never really occurred to me that that might be confusing for others. Someone once told me that INFJs show they care by being "aggressively available". Yup.

 

[Phantonym]

^^Yup, I can agree with pretty much everything fidelia and violaine said.