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[ISTP] How do you get an ISTP to fall for you?

lecky

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2007
Messages
148
MBTI Type
INFP
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6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Is it even possible? Right when I feel like he's getting close he backs away...I give up.
 

Shaula

Te > Fi > Ni
Joined
Nov 27, 2008
Messages
608
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
Is it even possible? Right when I feel like he's getting close he backs away...I give up.
That's because he saw the rope you're trying to trip him up with. :D
 

Ulaes

loopy
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Messages
850
MBTI Type
crak
Enneagram
sax
umm, give it time? i back away too alot of the time
start expressing interest in someone else and let jealousy take hold of him?
 

Costrin

rawr
Joined
Nov 1, 2008
Messages
2,320
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
Show that you're interested in him. While for an INTP that would be by engaging them in their intellectual interests, for ISTP, it'd be more about their physical interests. Like they might enjoy biking or dancing or playing vidja games, or whatever. Show interest in it, and participate every so often.

imo
 

lecky

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2007
Messages
148
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6
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sx/sp
It makes no sense, we share a similar sense of humor we are mad attracted to each other...he spills his guts when he is drunk and then there is no follow through. My poor INFP heart can't take it but at the same time I can't stop thinking about this guy. I need a new crush.
 

lecky

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2007
Messages
148
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Show that you're interested in him. While for an INTP that would be by engaging them in their intellectual interests, for ISTP, it'd be more about their physical interests. Like they might enjoy biking or dancing or playing vidja games, or whatever. Show interest in it, and participate every so often.

imo

This is the thing, I have...or in my head I think I have showed interest, but he says that it doesn't seem like I like him (meanwhile I think the same about him) but I'm not going to show him my heart if he does nothing in return...it's like I am the man in the "relationship"...and I am the one who needs to be courted damnit!

Thanks for all the advice though...ya'll are fast!
 

Azseroffs

New member
Joined
Feb 23, 2009
Messages
417
MBTI Type
ENTj
Enneagram
5w4
Show that you're interested in him. While for an INTP that would be by engaging them in their intellectual interests, for ISTP, it'd be more about their physical interests. Like they might enjoy biking or dancing or playing vidja games, or whatever. Show interest in it, and participate every so often.

imo

I'll vouch for this.
My ISTP friend could go on forever about anything he likes to do. If he found a cute girl interested in video games. He'd be on top of her in no time. He's pretty shallow though. If you're hot that always helps.
 

maliafee

Active member
Joined
Feb 10, 2009
Messages
1,127
Is it even possible? Right when I feel like he's getting close he backs away...I give up.

Oh my gosh. I wish I'd known... back when I was 17 and madly in love with one (for two years... or more).

Oh well. :D
 

Doppleganger

New member
Joined
Sep 29, 2008
Messages
161
MBTI Type
IxtP
Enneagram
5w4
It doesn't really matter to me if you like what I'm interested in. Just don't get on my ass for doing it. :D
 

ColonelGadaafi

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2008
Messages
773
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Enneagram
Si
Catch genuine intresets in his hobbies. Challenge him and appeal to his Ti. You'll eventually get him in the right position. Reassure his inferior Fe.
 

"?"

New member
Joined
May 2, 2007
Messages
1,167
MBTI Type
TiSe
Maybe this will help.
ISTPs can be very intense and exciting individuals. Their strong Thinking preference makes them seem rather aloof and "hard to get". Their Sensing and Perceiving preferences make them sensual, earthy individuals. These attributes frequently make them attractive to the opposite sex. ISTPs live entirely in the current moment, which makes them especially interested in new sensations and experiences. They strongly dislike routine and strict schedules, and resist being controlled by others. They are fiercely independent and need their own space within a relationship. When involved in relationships which provide for their basic needs and which present them with new experiences, the ISTP will be happy to do what's necessary to keep the relationship alive and well. If a relationship becomes boring or oppressive to the ISTP, they will try to fix it, or move on. ISTPs take their commitments on a day-by-day basis. Even if they say "I do", it usually means "I do for now". They do not like to make lifelong commitments, although they may very well be involved in lifelong relationships which they have taken one day at a time.

Sexually, the ISTP approaches intimacy as a physical act rather than an expression of love and affection. They are earthy and sensual beings who enthusiastically experience sex with all five senses. They bring spontaneity, creativity, and enthusiasm into the bedroom, and enjoy new experiences. Since aesthetic beauty has such strong appeal to them, they appreciate the "setting", i.e. bedding, lingerie, cologne, etc.

ISTPs love to fix things, and may create problems in their personal relationships, just so that they can have the fun of fixing them.

They have a tendency to hold back their own views on things. They like to listen to other people's views, but are generally non-commital about expressing their own opinions. ISTPs have a habit of evading answering questions by asking more questions. This can be frustrating at times to their mates, if they are after a direct answer. The ISTP's decision making process is entirely internal, so they don't feel much need to share their opinions with others. When they are interacting with others, they are in "information gathering" mode, so they tend to ask questions rather than share views. The ISTP just doesn't feel the need to expose themselves fully to others. When it comes to intimate relationships, the ISTP has the further motivation of protecting themselves. Most ISTPs are afraid of having to deal with their deeper feelings. Since their Thinking preference dominates their personality, their Feeling side is their least developed (inferior) function. Consequently, ISTPs are usually quite vulnerable and perhaps weak when dealing with their feelings. Their habit of keeping part of themselves hidden may also serve the purpose of keeping a protective wall around their hearts.

Although the ISTP does not usually have a well-developed Feeling side, they frequently do have intense feelings for people. They can feel overpowering love for their mates, although they are likely not to express their emotions, or to express them inadequately or inappropriately if they do venture towards expression. However, unlike many of the other personality types, ISTPs feel strong affections one day at a time. One day, they may feel completely, intensely in love with their mate, and the next day they may be totally disinterested, or perhaps even ready to move on. This "live for the moment" type of approach is different from how most other types experience their feelings, and is difficult for many to understand. Consequently, the ISTP may be called "fickle" or "cold". In fact, they are not really fickle, and certainly not cold. They simply experience their lives on a moment by moment basis, and go along with it's natural flow. However, since most people need more commitment than can be offered when taking things day-by-day, the ISTP who wants to remain in a relationship will have to resolve themself towards being involved in a more traditional commitment. For most ISTPs, making a commitment to an intimate relationship will require an effort to stretch themselves outside of their comfort zones. However, those who do so will realize that they can enjoy the benefits of a strong, committed relationship and still live their lives in the present tense.
 

lecky

New member
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Dec 2, 2007
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148
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INFP
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sx/sp
Thanks guys! ISTP's seem to be my ultimate challenge they are the complete opposite of me according to our cognitive processes...it's weird though because we are alike in some ways and we see the world sort of the same. Who knows!
 

phoenity

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Messages
472
It's a commitment thing. Emotional commitment. It requires commitment to feeling, and sharing feelings with another. It's not a place that's natural for us, and when we're young or inexperienced it's likely an area in which we're afraid to venture. The inexperience and uncertainty makes us feel vulnerable. I've spent my whole life keeping my heart suppressed because rationality is so much more comfortable and predictable to deal with. But as I've grown older, I've realized I can't have fulfilling intimate relationships with people, platonic or otherwise, by being that way. Opening up and stepping into the light is incredibly difficult, but so rewarding in the end as it makes life so much richer.

The only advice I could give, if it's something you really want, you have to leave yourself completely open and make this visible. It will take time, perhaps a long time, for his own boundaries to come down and meet you in the middle with openness. Know at the same time this will leave you vulnerable as well, but I don't see it happening any other way. If he's mature, he will see this vulnerability and respond mutually. If he's immature, he may take advantage of it and hurt you. It's a big risk, but only you know whether it's worth it.
 

King sns

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I started dating an ISTP about 6 years ago. We were on and off for four years, and finally off. But now I can't get rid of him! He keeps trying to date other people but won't get over me. I think its common for the ISTP to be pretty slow to attach but once he's found someone he really likes he will be completely commited. I don't know what I did to get such a strong response. He said its because i'm the only girl he's dated who is smart, but I have trouble believing that.
So, yea, like someone else said. Give it time. If he's going to fall, he will. If not, try someone else.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
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Jun 12, 2008
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9,661
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iSFj
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2
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sx/so
So, yea, like someone else said. Give it time. If he's going to fall, he will. If not, try someone else.

Agreed. And this should be applied to any type really. I think it's reasonable to give it a little bit more time with introverted thinkers though. They are worth it. :wubbie:
 

King sns

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Agreed. And this should be applied to any type really.

Yea, But also I think that istp's and istj's may need more time than the norm. They need time to adjust to having feelings for someone. If the partner is too overzelous it is easy to push them away. They need some time and space to process.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
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Yea, But also I think that istp's and istj's may need more time than the norm. They need time to adjust to having feelings for someone. If the partner is too overzelous it is easy to push them away. They need some time and space to process.

Great minds think alike, sweetness. I just edited/added to my post seconds before you made this one.
 

King sns

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Great minds think alike, sweetness. I just edited/added to my post seconds before you made this one.

Aha! High five to that.
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
6,898
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ESTP
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7w8
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sx/so
The only advice I could give, if it's something you really want, you have to leave yourself completely open and make this visible. It will take time, perhaps a long time, for his own boundaries to come down and meet you in the middle with openness. Know at the same time this will leave you vulnerable as well, but I don't see it happening any other way. If he's mature, he will see this vulnerability and respond mutually. If he's immature, he may take advantage of it and hurt you. It's a big risk, but only you know whether it's worth it.

A lesson I too have learned, and boy is it an all or nothing situation. Open up and let someone in, they either light up your life or tear your guts out. Time is the key though. People reveal their true intentions over time.
 
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