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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010

    Default Help for ISFJ Daughter

    Hi everyone! I've never been on a 'type' forum before, but I have a question about how to help my lovely 15 year old 6w7/ISFJ daughter when I'm a 9w8/INFJ mom.

    I'm also a counselor (Holistic Life Coach) so I help a lot of other people (S's and N's) as well as my other family members, that all happen to be N's of different varieties.

    My daughter is the only S in the house! We have a close relationship, but she needs some help processing some issues from the past (childhood stuff/fears), and has asked me to help her work through some of these emotionally charged issues, because she seems to just back down reactively from anything difficult and this frustrates her.

    My style is more of a depth approach of course, intuitively going right into the issues to see what they're made of, evaluating them both mentally and emotionally, gaining fresh insight and releasing if desired. I am really good at this, but, it doesn't work well for my daughter. She just gets stuck and I can't seem to help her 'un-freeze' so she can work through these issues. I'm perplexed and am hoping someone here has some insight into to her type as I am very good at adapting my style to help people once I can grasp what they need. I just can't find the key!

    I would so appreciate any insight you all may have into my situation :-)

    Thank you ~ INFJ9w8mom

  2. #2
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009


    Hi .. Sorry to hear your daughter is going through a tough time and i think it's sweet that 1- she wants help/assistance and 2 - you seem to have a beautiful bond that she can talk to you.

    I may be totally off the mark here but by you intuitively going right to the issue, could it possibly be that your daughter freezes because to her this is a process and wants to go down the road at a steady pace. To gradually open up instead of going in head strong.

    I've found on occasions that i don't want people to jump to conclusions but to listen to me, really listen and i know when they are not, lol .. I know you're a counsellor and this is your job so i would expect you are good at what you do .. But the attachment to your daughter and wanting to be helpful/supportive may require a different approach to what you are usually accustomed too.

    Good luck though .. I think it is incredibly brave of your daughter to ask for help and also you have a skill that can truly benefit and change your daughters life
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

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