Hey Dudes,
I'm new to this forum but I wanted some advice on my situation so here it goes.
So basically me (INFP) and this ENFP lady started hanging out about 6 months ago and we got pretty good chemistry going.
We hang out once or even twice a week at times.
She being ENFP would argue that she has good chemistry with every other person ( which I think is fair enough to say )
So it came to a point where I started liking her and I considered dating her after some time.
So I decided to buy her flowers, take her out for dinner and get my act together.
Told her she was kinda like sunshine and I pretty much liked her quirkiness and shared common interests. We are both in our 30s by the way.
Now, here comes the tricky part. So I found out she liked another dude, probably with a TJ temperament. ( He isn't a concern or competition for me )
So I told her, hey lets cool off and take some time to slowly think about it.
So 3 weeks passed on and I text her and she responded like this.
She said she found herself not thinking of me and not considering me made her really upset.
She said I deserve someone better than her ( which I read either as a polite way of declining me or she has some issues about her own self image )
I kinda actually got pissed by that remark really..
Then she repeats herself again that she doesn't want to consider 'us" as this made her very upset that she isn't considering me.
So after her response I said, hey can we like meet up to talk or chat? Help me understand why you're feeling this frustration and being upset about yourself.
Unfortunately she went ballistic with my text and told me I was making her even more upset by doing that. ( which i am totally puzzled now? )
Like how does the above make sense to you guys?
So basically she's frustrated for not liking me and it upsets her, and my attempt for a clarification upsets her further? hokay?
So I am contemplating using a more INTP approach to sort things out but she is just so emotional at the moment.
I would like to have a face to face conversation but I don't really know if she's up to it at the moment really.
I would think INFPs are less confrontational but it really got to a point of frustration when she's acting like this
Something tells me she is pretty conflicted and emotional about her response and that makes me feel uncertain about turning me down.
ENFP ladies and INFP dudes, any suggestions as to what I should do? I'm really getting mixed signals about this though we have really good relationship.
We've been friends for about 3 years prior to us hanging out this much recently.
So while I don't think there is one better approach? Should I actually pursue a conversation or just be a nice INFP and wait it out till she comes talking to me.
Anyway, I'm not sure if she is already in the escape mode. But perhaps some TJ perspective would help chill things a little.
We do meet monthly at some common gatherings but that's all. She's pretty much ignored me during our cool off time for I don't know whatever reason and that's kinda drove me nuts
Like Sheesh, I just gave her flowers and asked her to date and she thinks we're getting married with her infinite flow of ideas. Did she seriously get cold feet?
So, i kinda would like to bring things back down to earth since it went ballistic to the stratosphere now.
Well, i mean I like her, and I think we should pull back a little coz she is just freaking out right now.
Cheers,
Zane
I'm new to this forum but I wanted some advice on my situation so here it goes.
So basically me (INFP) and this ENFP lady started hanging out about 6 months ago and we got pretty good chemistry going.
We hang out once or even twice a week at times.
She being ENFP would argue that she has good chemistry with every other person ( which I think is fair enough to say )
So it came to a point where I started liking her and I considered dating her after some time.
So I decided to buy her flowers, take her out for dinner and get my act together.
Told her she was kinda like sunshine and I pretty much liked her quirkiness and shared common interests. We are both in our 30s by the way.
Now, here comes the tricky part. So I found out she liked another dude, probably with a TJ temperament. ( He isn't a concern or competition for me )
So I told her, hey lets cool off and take some time to slowly think about it.
So 3 weeks passed on and I text her and she responded like this.
She said she found herself not thinking of me and not considering me made her really upset.
She said I deserve someone better than her ( which I read either as a polite way of declining me or she has some issues about her own self image )
I kinda actually got pissed by that remark really..
Then she repeats herself again that she doesn't want to consider 'us" as this made her very upset that she isn't considering me.
So after her response I said, hey can we like meet up to talk or chat? Help me understand why you're feeling this frustration and being upset about yourself.
Unfortunately she went ballistic with my text and told me I was making her even more upset by doing that. ( which i am totally puzzled now? )
Like how does the above make sense to you guys?
So basically she's frustrated for not liking me and it upsets her, and my attempt for a clarification upsets her further? hokay?
So I am contemplating using a more INTP approach to sort things out but she is just so emotional at the moment.
I would like to have a face to face conversation but I don't really know if she's up to it at the moment really.
I would think INFPs are less confrontational but it really got to a point of frustration when she's acting like this
Something tells me she is pretty conflicted and emotional about her response and that makes me feel uncertain about turning me down.
ENFP ladies and INFP dudes, any suggestions as to what I should do? I'm really getting mixed signals about this though we have really good relationship.
We've been friends for about 3 years prior to us hanging out this much recently.
So while I don't think there is one better approach? Should I actually pursue a conversation or just be a nice INFP and wait it out till she comes talking to me.
Anyway, I'm not sure if she is already in the escape mode. But perhaps some TJ perspective would help chill things a little.
We do meet monthly at some common gatherings but that's all. She's pretty much ignored me during our cool off time for I don't know whatever reason and that's kinda drove me nuts
Like Sheesh, I just gave her flowers and asked her to date and she thinks we're getting married with her infinite flow of ideas. Did she seriously get cold feet?
So, i kinda would like to bring things back down to earth since it went ballistic to the stratosphere now.
Well, i mean I like her, and I think we should pull back a little coz she is just freaking out right now.
Cheers,
Zane