Hmmm thanks, that gives me just a little more insight.
But I actually just watched an enfp intj relationship video on youtube where the enfp complained about the intj and how he shares his feelings. She said she "feels" like he's "thinking his feelings" for her, not sharing true feelings.
I keep wondering what the hell would an intj sharing his feelings look like?
To be honest, in my youth I was with an enfp and she got me to share tons of feelings and she was the only girl I told that I loved her, even though there were several more after her. But it never seems like an enfp can get enough of "feelings". It's really beyond me what they really SEE as feelings.
Is it possible for a thinker and a feeler to say the exact same sentence, but it's interpreted as more feeling or thinking by people simply by tone of voice or facial expressions?
Do I have to act like a Disney character for an enfp to finally see emotion in me?
I know this is long, but incredibly worth the read.
But I actually just watched an enfp intj relationship video on youtube where the enfp complained about the intj and how he shares his feelings. She said she "feels" like he's "thinking his feelings" for her, not sharing true feelings.
Try to think of it this way. Most people that you answer "how are you feeling" with your little white lie just skip over the fact that you're telling one. They don't really know you are, or care to know that you are. (Which you've interpreted on your own really well as you've described.)
Well...ENFPs already know what you're feeling without "knowing" what you're feeling. We can sense (Ne) that there is something dishonest amiss but are looking for validation from the person telling the white lie, that it's a white lie. If you continue to tell the white lie, this triggers our Fi. Hence the NF loop that continues into a death spiral. Extroverted intuition requires validation externally. And because our Te is weak, we can't articulate this experience very much the way that INTJs have a hard time expressing their ideas/thoughts/feelings due to Fi. So it looks like ENFP complaining, using all the wrong words, or inadequate ones, to describe this experience. We want INTJ to talk to us from Fi, not Te. But you guys don't live there.
Conversely, when an ENFP is evolving, and begins to trust their intuition rather than seeking that validation from others - which is the case with most underdeveloped types - WATCH OUT! That evolving ENFP is a powerful force to be reckoned with. NO ONE CAN HIDE! YOUR SECRETS ARE NOT SAFE! They'll cut through the armor of any INTJ in a relatively short time. So intimidating, but intriguing for the INTJ to experience. And the right ENFP will be responsible with this vulnerability, and appreciate its existence.
Now...how the INTJ continues in this scenario will determine the fate of the relationship.
I keep wondering what the hell would an intj sharing his feelings look like?
Probably what you looked like when you were sharing with your original ENFP. It looks different but means the same. That's why other people don't "get" INTJs the way that ENFP's do. ENFP's are more trusting of our intuition and can pick up on the subtleties of an INTJ emoting. Most people can't do that. It's really the Ne, Fi relationship that thwarts Te and exposes Fi, surging it to the surface. I've seen INTJ's experience emotions they didn't even know were percolating in the presence of an ENFP.
To be honest, in my youth I was with an enfp and she got me to share tons of feelings and she was the only girl I told that I loved her, even though there were several more after her. But it never seems like an enfp can get enough of "feelings". It's really beyond me what they really SEE as feelings.
Welcome to the lovely and colorful world of NeFi my friend. How did she get you to open up? What types of conversations did you have with her?
ENFPs love
connecting. Tee hee! Pay attention to that word when dealing with ENFP.
You know the way that NTJs take peoples ideas, and answers to questions, and create a generalized view of the type of person they're dealing with? Well...ENFPs do that too. Only difference, we use how others feel to determine our view of them.
Here's the deal IMO...it's our Ne vs. your Ni. We are constantly picking up on little vibes, body language cues, facial expressions, actions, and expressions that others emote to extrapolate the "true self" the other person is trying to hide/cover up/protect. So in the way that NTJ's ask probing questions to get to the mushy core of people, and some of those questions are intimate, deeply rooted, painful experiences they ask about, NTJs are getting to know the real person, not the facade.
ENFPs are just as gifted because we
intuitively understand that NTJs are less adept with their emotional selves than their Te selves. So if we can get you to function from Fi, we'll get to know the real you more quickly - we like efficiency too - and get to the good stuff that we really like and appreciate (i.e. connection). We're not huge fans of small talk either, but understand the value.
So the trick with any ENFP/INTJ relationship is maintaining that connection. So, riddle me this... If an INTJ can figure out how to maintain that connection with/to me, I'd pounce, he can have all of me, putty in his hands, I'll marry him, be faithful to him, give him the most amazing sexual experience I can physically muster, and never stray. That's what I truly crave to have with another human being on this planet.
Is it possible for a thinker and a feeler to say the exact same sentence, but it's interpreted as more feeling or thinking by people simply by tone of voice or facial expressions?
No. It's not. But it is possible for them to mean the same things using different sentences. NTJ's use Te as their main channel for communicating and connecting. A very effective tool for articulation. NFPs use Ne - not feelings. We just use "feelings" words because there really aren't words for intuitive language. Not a very effective tool with INTJ. There is a lot of verbal misunderstanding. The only language this couple can effectively speak is trust. (Good luck INTJ, good luck)
These are not the same "sentence" or words, but the greater concept could be a parallel artery between the two. If an ENFP can trust their intuition and develop their Ni instead of defaulting to Ne, and an INTJ can develop their Fi instead of defaulting to Te, it can be a more fulfilling relationship for them both.
I believe this is why Keirsey considers this an "ideal" combination. Both people have to stretch, work, develop, and grow within the relationship in order for the full potential of the relationship and the individuals within it to truly bond deeply with one another, reaching their full potential.
Do I have to act like a Disney character for an enfp to finally see emotion in me?
Not a Disney character. No. But you do have to be totally, completely, genuinely, openly, deeply, honest (welcome to the INTJ nightmare) with one or you'll constantly trigger their NF loop. Even a little white lie is devastating to an ENFP.
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