hazelsees
Member
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2013
- Messages
- 124
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
I read this thread the other day--I never thought so much about shame. I'm not sure I know what it means now.
1. (I'm already distracted with another thread of thought--what was #1 gonna be???
Oh yeah.
When others make fun of me in an un-fun manner because I do not fit with them in some way, shape, or form. I feel like they are shaming me. The embarrassing kind of shame. For instance, even here at the forum, I do not know what y'all are talking about half the time. My intelligence level isn't equal nor is my knowledge of the subject equal. Y'all could shame me (thankfully you don't) by saying mean things about my lack of knowledge and intelligence or ability to write a sentence that makes sense. I'm usually able to fake "belonging" in real life enough to get me by...or through a social event, etc., but sometimes I can't. As I've gotten older, this type of shaming doesn't bother me much anymore.
2. I've felt "a"shamed by things I've said to others. Not often because I'm usually extremely careful with how I treat others, but once or twice I've said something on purpose to shame them, and I was the one who lost sleep over it. I carried guilt and shame over one incident for years. Ran into this person about a year ago and apologized with what I had said to her. She didn't even remember it.
3. This is the tricky one--the one that's hard to explain. We all have our deep beliefs about wrong and right--our moral codes. I hold pretty tight to mine. Twice I've acted against them. These actions were harmful to other people--and my shame was so overwhelming that I would not look it straight. And when confronted, I bucked it and fought it and denied it and manipulated and twisted my actions to make it look like the other person's fault. All because I can't tolerate that deep shame--it crushes me and I felt like it would destroy me. I'm still not sure I could openly admit to my wrongness in these situations (in real life). It would cause me to feel vulnerable--like the other people would have some sort of power to start stripping away my layers. I feel icky just writing about it here...
Also, after thinking on this a bit, I realized that this could be the "thing" that people hate about INFJs, although, healthy INFJs wouldn't have this sort of behavior every day or even every year. This a rare thing...but maybe that makes it more devastating (to others). When we do it, we do it big.
Hope this all makes sense and is helpful and is on topic.
1. (I'm already distracted with another thread of thought--what was #1 gonna be???
Oh yeah.
When others make fun of me in an un-fun manner because I do not fit with them in some way, shape, or form. I feel like they are shaming me. The embarrassing kind of shame. For instance, even here at the forum, I do not know what y'all are talking about half the time. My intelligence level isn't equal nor is my knowledge of the subject equal. Y'all could shame me (thankfully you don't) by saying mean things about my lack of knowledge and intelligence or ability to write a sentence that makes sense. I'm usually able to fake "belonging" in real life enough to get me by...or through a social event, etc., but sometimes I can't. As I've gotten older, this type of shaming doesn't bother me much anymore.
2. I've felt "a"shamed by things I've said to others. Not often because I'm usually extremely careful with how I treat others, but once or twice I've said something on purpose to shame them, and I was the one who lost sleep over it. I carried guilt and shame over one incident for years. Ran into this person about a year ago and apologized with what I had said to her. She didn't even remember it.
3. This is the tricky one--the one that's hard to explain. We all have our deep beliefs about wrong and right--our moral codes. I hold pretty tight to mine. Twice I've acted against them. These actions were harmful to other people--and my shame was so overwhelming that I would not look it straight. And when confronted, I bucked it and fought it and denied it and manipulated and twisted my actions to make it look like the other person's fault. All because I can't tolerate that deep shame--it crushes me and I felt like it would destroy me. I'm still not sure I could openly admit to my wrongness in these situations (in real life). It would cause me to feel vulnerable--like the other people would have some sort of power to start stripping away my layers. I feel icky just writing about it here...
Also, after thinking on this a bit, I realized that this could be the "thing" that people hate about INFJs, although, healthy INFJs wouldn't have this sort of behavior every day or even every year. This a rare thing...but maybe that makes it more devastating (to others). When we do it, we do it big.
Hope this all makes sense and is helpful and is on topic.