I am really, extremely emotionally raw and open now. It actually PAINS me to keep my mouth shut, and 95% of the time I CANT keep my mouth shut. THis is especially true for anyone in my inner circle or anytime I see something unfair going on.
For a long time though, I wasn't able to always come off so confrontational. Especially with friends. Always having that fear that If I showed my true colors I might be rejected, lose the friendship, or they'd see how "sensitive" I am and use it against me to hype up how its all just me and not them. These are classic e4 fears, and very undertandeable actually.
I don't know about other Fi users, especially FI doms.. but my experience in life, even as a child, has always reinforced the differences in me and other people. Not in me and everyone, but me in the majority. THis isn't just subjective mumbo-jumbo.. there ARE differences. The world can be a cold and callous fucking place, especially here in the US. Things like strength, repressing emotions, image, taking care of #1, acheiving, acheiving at the expense of others even, all highly valued. And these things always seemed to conflict with my inner compass. As a child I quickly realized that I would get really worked up over things, moral conflicts, that other people could just turn a blind eye to. Even adults that were intellectually capeable of understanding the magnitude of certain actions. Water off a ducks back. And I could never understand it (I was a kid) but it sure as hell reinforced difference.
By the time I was a teenager I had pretty much come to accept that most people didn't see things the way I did, feel as strongly about some of the things I would feel, so I started masking. Self preservation if you will. And this is what alot of INFP's (especially) begin to learn. You can't reveal this sensitivity or you will get eaten alive. You'll get bullied, laughed at, picked on, teased, so you better learn how to mask or you aint gonna make it. And you'd think this behavior would go away as people learned more, developed, become adults, but it doesn't! The same shit still flys, it's just more complex and socially clever. So ya, with all this in mind I turned to hiding, reatreating in the face of conflict, dropping people because they hit a soft spot too many times. I became a master of behavioral observation.. thoroughly enjoying those select few that I could let through the net.
However, this behavior proved to be self-defating (for me personally). since I've gotten a little older and lived a little more, I've realized a couple things. First, retreating and cutting people off is a sure fire way to find yourself alone, alot. While being alone sometimes is good, being alone alot isn't. (imo). Quick way to feel disconnected, thus depressed. I can't just door slam evertime my feelers get hurt, and even creating an elite group of other feelrs is kinda like putting all your eggs in one basket. Whatcha gonna do when one of those eggs breaks, moves, has other stuff going on, etc. SO.. the best thing to do is to figure out a way to brige the gap between your senstiive self, and the cold, callous world. This is what I've been working on for years now.
I do this by forcing myself to be emotionally honest as much as possible. Even if that reveals the prickly bastard I am. I realized that being sensitive is NOT something to be ashamed or humiliated of. This is what alot of our society seems to believe, but society is diseased in many regards. Having a strong moral compass isn't a defect, and neither is getting your feelings hurt. The other thing I realized is that the majority isn't quite as bad as I initially thought. Many of them are just rather dim, emotionally. I also can't expect people to be psychics and just *know* when they've crossed the line. My INTP brother expects me to be a psychic all the time, it's bullshit. We think differently. Alot of moral behaviors will seem obvious to the fi user, but it isn't to others. Which is why the best strategy is to always explain yourself. Explain, explain, explain. Break through those communication barriers. Be true to yourself, by understanding that your feelings or thoughts are just as valid as anyone elses.. and have the balls to defend that. If you find yourself "rejected" don't fall into that trap of beleiving its entirely you. Because it's not. When you do these things your going to quickly find yourself surrounded by more people who understand or respect you, and less assholes. Your also being a humanitarian, in the sense that you are giving your fellow man an opportunity to embrace ideas that don't naturally come to them. I would be fairly upset if an NT door-slammed me because I couldn't sit there discussing the logical fallacies in postmodernism. I'd want the opportunity to learn and understand that.. so I give that same opportunity to others when it comes to me, my subjective moral compass.