OrangeAppled
Sugar Hiccup
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2009
- Messages
- 7,626
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
A couple of other thoughts
- INFPs tend not to meet the mainstream definitions of success in life. I don't mean we don't have dreams of being successful, but we do tend to be less materialistic about it. Hence there are times when I look at my former classmates and see how successful they are, and feel like I'm a failure.
Definitely....it reminds me of a point on personalitypage.com that its important for INFPs to observe people without making comparisons. Observe to get perspective, to learn, and to get a grasp of reality, but don't judge yourself based on it. I think INFPs may have "different" goals that don't always result in material success, but then when we observe other people, we come up short in comparison because we're only seeing what is on the surface - their material success. However, our priorities may leave us feeling compromised if we took the route they took to get there....
There is also the whole thing about being praised and being the centre of attention. I like it when other people notice what I've said/done and tell me so, but at the same time I'm not comfortable pushing myself out there. It's a real conundrum, this craving for validation yet not wanting to ask for it for fear of being inauthentic. I guess it's because we don't do things that are important to us in half-measures. When we put ourselves on the line for something (like commenting in a thread), we go all in so anything we perceive as an 'attack', no matter how minor, will hurt like hell.
My issue with praise was not downplaying someone else's compliment. I've learned to just say "thank you" gracefully and not attempt to qualify their statement. Part of this is embarrassment - I like compliments, but they also put the spotlight on you, and I hate the spotlight.
And yeah, when I've put myself out there & put my heart into something just to have it/myself criticized or rejected, that is a hard blow. When you have a couple of those in a row, you can start to doubt yourself and your capabilities.
Oh, I thought of something else : self-deprecating humor. I think sometimes this does not register with people and they think you are serious .