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[ENFJ] ENFJs I have figured you out.

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
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So you're all very charismatic, bubbly people-persons. You out pour support and kindness like no other.

But then you influence all these romantic feelings, which wasn't your intention or maybe it was, but now that you got it you don't want it. So in an attempt to neutralize the situation you do a silent withdrawn 180 hoping the other person will just simmer down/back off and you won't need to hurt their feelings by addressing the situation.

This cycle tends to repeat because you guys just can't help yourselves. It's almost a reflex for you to say things you don't mean or won't mean within a few hours or a day or two. And you can't let go of people and the rest of us who are hooked of course come back for more only for you to do your 180 dance again.

Anyways, it took me a few rounds of this with a few ENFJs to figure out that you guys get skiddish easy and when you get excited by another it's in your DNA to go nuts with enthusiasm despite the fact that you ARE going to back off unless you think we're a sure thing.

I forgive you all, but seriously stop it. I don't want your ENFJ super powers to stop working on me because I begin to assume you're all just crying wolf.
 

Arclight

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You have certainly figured out one thing.. You are responsible for how you feel about someone, not the other way around.

How many times have I heard someone say it's my fault they feel a certain way? I wish I could just make anyone feel something for me , especially love.
 

Thessaly

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Yes, people are responsible for their own emotions but that's a rather careless approach to take when dealing with others, especially considering the fact that most people aren't immune to the influence of others. You can't just act however you want and then point the finger at the other person when they react.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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No but you aint their emotional babysitter either. It's one thing to be considerate of other people's feelings, it's quite another to bend over backwards becoz they're unable to cope. At that point you're not doing them any favors (much like a child you give everything it wants, as it will never learn to acquire what it needs itself).
 

Thessaly

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I'm not trying to punish ENFJs everywhere or something I just think this is a problem of yours you need to address. If you happen to inspire feelings within another person and don't want to be the object of their affection stop acting in that manner or speak with that person to let them know there was a miscommunication. Don't rinse, repeat.
 

Thessaly

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Satine, sorry but I don't believe you are addressing my argument. I am not in disagreement with you there. Read my last post.
 

Salomé

meh
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I'm not trying to punish ENFJs everywhere or something I just think this is a problem of yours you need to address. If you happen to inspire feelings within another person and don't want to be the object of their affection stop acting in that manner or speak with that person to let them know there was a miscommunication. Don't rinse, repeat.
Sounds to me that they're damned if they do, damned if they don't as far as you're concerned.

Whenever someone on here starts a thread dissing EVERYONE of a certain type you can be sure the problem lies with that person and not the type.
 

Arclight

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Yes, people are responsible for their own emotions but that's a rather careless approach to take when dealing with others, especially considering the fact that most people aren't immune to the influence of others. You can't just act however you want and then point the finger at the other person when they react.

I have been told all my life to just be myself..so does that make me charming or a charmer?
How am I irresponsible if my concerns and compliments for someone are real?
Should I nor give someone credit because they might think it means more?
Should I act like someone else just in case the real me charms you and you might fall in love or something??

I mean I have used the joke before that someone is so charming or so sexy they should be illegal, but it's just a joke.

I am not a charlatan, I can not make people like me.. They do or they don't.. Maybe I am just full of likable qualities for some people??

So what is my responsibility here??
 

Thessaly

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I'm not "dissing" or trying to anyways. I want to bring a pattern I've noticed to their attention in a helpful manner. I quite like ENFJs.
 

Salomé

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I'm not "dissing" or trying to anyways. I want to bring a pattern I've noticed to their attention in a helpful manner. I quite like ENFJs.
The pattern is that you fall for them and they're not interested.
This is your problem, it has nothing to do with them. It's not helpful - it's pure deflection.
 

Thessaly

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I have been told all my life to just be myself..so does that make me charming or a charmer?
How am I irresponsible if my concerns and compliments for someone are real?
Should I nor give someone credit because they might think it means more?
Should I act like someone else just in case the real me charms you and might fall in love or something??

I mean I have used the joke before that someone who is so charming or so sexy they should be illegal, but it's just a joke.

I am not a charlatan, I can not make people like me.. They do or they don't.. Maybe I am just full of likable qualities for some people??

So what is my responsibility here??

I'm sure by now you've noticed the influence certain words and actions can have on others. Just learn to monitor yourself and act appropriately. I had an ex who wanted to fart around people all the time because he was just being himself haha. That doesn't make it okay though.
 

Moiety

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I don't know about ENFJs, but I don't agree that "one is responsible for how one feels about someone, not the other way around." If you are aware of the other person's feelings towards you, you become responsible for leading them on, or not discussing the issue just as much as they do.

Or maybe I'm just used to ensuring girls hate me so that they don't fall for me :p
 

Salomé

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Not everyone finds ENFs irresistible.

Just sayin. :)
 

Thessaly

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The pattern is that you fall for them and they're not interested.
This is your problem, it has nothing to do with them. It's not helpful - it's pure deflection.


You're making an awful lot of assumptions. I am actually speaking about ENFJs I have dated so feelings have been returned.

I don't think you're giving a very balanced view point here.
 

Arclight

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I'm sure by now you've noticed the influence certain words and actions can have on others. Just learn to monitor yourself and act appropriately. I had an ex who wanted to fart around people all the time because he was just being himself haha. That doesn't make it okay though.

Wow!!.. This is very fascinating.

I have noticed that smiling brings me smiles, and frowning brings me frowns.. is this somehow bad??

I have learned that being nice and helpful and serving others brings me likewise attention.. What do I need to monitor??

People are the most important thing in the world. And You seem to think I have no grip on that concept or something. like somehow I misunderstand their humanity rather than understand it.

You find ENFJs charming.. is that their fault??

I like INF woman.. they fucking turn me on silly.. But I take credit for that.. I certainly don't think they mean it.
 

Arclight

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I don't know about ENFJs, but I don't agree that "one is responsible for how one feels about someone, not the other way around." If you are aware of the other person's feelings towards you, you become responsible for leading them on, or not discussing the issue just as much as they do.

Or maybe I'm just used to ensuring girls hate me so that they don't fall for me :p

Now there you go.. "Leading someone on"??????????

Again you have feelings for me.. SO now I need to stop doing what you find attractive about me because I am not reciprocating those feelings???
 

Thessaly

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I don't know about ENFJs, but I don't agree that "one is responsible for how one feels about someone, not the other way around." If you are aware of the other person's feelings towards you, you become responsible for leading them on, or not talking about it as much as they do.

Or maybe I'm just used to ensuring girls hate me so that they don't fall for me :p


This.

Perhaps ENFJs are just modest and don't realize the impact of their actions often. I just find it hard to believe for the older more experienced ones. Probably an idealist thing though. Seeing things they way you want to rather than the way they are.

I dated an ENTP who knew exactly the impact everything he would say had on me so was only warm when he wanted feelings returned after things ended. I really appreciated that about him. If only NTs were more romantic and NFs more rational, I could date you all without complaint:cheese:
 

Arclight

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This.

Perhaps ENFJs are just modest and don't realize the impact of their actions often. I just find it hard to believe for the older more experienced ones. Probably an idealist thing though. Seeing things they way you want to rather than the way they are.

I dated an ENTP who knew exactly the impact everything he would say had on me so was only warm when he wanted feelings returned after things ended. I really appreciated that about him. If only NTs were more romantic and NFs more rational, I could date you all without complaint:cheese:

Have my counter points been irrational?
 

Thessaly

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Now there you go.. "Leading someone on"??????????

Again you have feelings for me.. SO now I need to stop doing what you find attractive about me because I am not reciprocating those feelings???

You have been endowed with super powers. You need to be responsible for them Arclight haha

I think perhaps you and I are arguing different technicalities. How about you give an example of your frustration in detail and I will give one of mine?
 
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