there's desirability and then there's energy.
growing up, i've always been attracted to esfps. they're so in their body, i always like 7ws6s (their enthusiasm and energy are the perfect foil to my 5w4 gravity and fascination with darkness), and we usually have complimentary skills, desire for new experiences (though mine are mental vs physical). it's very grounding, and the presence of Se brings me back into the world and puts me in my body.
as far as desirability goes, enfps win for me easily. i'm attracted to their sense of style, their imagination, and their feminine aura (anima animus). usually very active and energetic. i don't know any so/sp enfps, mainly so/sx and sx/so. i've never actually dated an enfp, but i can sense that there is more awkwardness for a period with two N doms, especially who are both F types.
energy isn't JUST about being in your body, it's also in how you communicate. i think balancing the sx/sp/so instincts are just as important as N vs S in physical chemistry. probably more so. sp types are distant, so types are more companionable, and sx types are more piercing. energy is not just about being in your body and feeling physically awake. it's also about desiring and communicating desire.
i also like infp 4w5 style. i like Ne imagination, how it creates new possibilities all the time. a huge advantage Ne women have, i find, is that they seem like they make themselves new, update, change, all the time.
the most natural energy high i've ever felt was probably with an entp woman. i don't think i've ever felt so directly challenged, which is exciting.
the gender thing changes the equation. i think it takes more time to warm up to an F man or a T woman. they're still a further deviation from the norm, which generally means it takes a little longer to learn to like it and appreciate its strengths.