Shielding emotivity

[entropie]

How can one deal with intense emotional displays and subjective reasoning of dom Fi people. It has become a sort of emotional rollercoaster for me, the only problem is that the loopings come on a daily, sometimes even half-daily basis. There is no integrity and stability in the feelings of my Fi dom no more, she can be highflung in the morning, deep down depressing middays and aggressive in the evenings. Lately we had had a lot of problems in the family, not between us in the first place but problems of other people. She went so far of even making my problems her own and emotionally doubly reacting to the problems, because I ignore them most of the time.

She's crushing me to death with her mood swings, lust for revenge and emotional crusade and I am about to loose any rational and emotional connection to her. Since she was mad about her family, my family and most of our friends by now, she's slowly turning madness onto our relationship to find a new victim. I know she's doing any of this because she loves me. That makes it the most difficult to explain to her that she's totally loosing grab on reality while departing on a trip of revenge seeking to destroy the injustice, her and my family have treated us with..

 

[Qlip]

Is it possible that her reactions aren't the primary problem, but maybe what she is reacting to is? Maybe those need to be addressed. Have you tried talking to her?

 

[entropie]

Yes. The problem basically is injustice done to her thru my side of the family. I have already taken point and am in serious conflict with my parents right now. But she wants more, she always want to crush the people that hurt her. But I am not like that, especially not when it comes to my family. I think the highest form of revenge I could do to my family is total ignorance.
But thats not the only problem. For the last 3 months a lot has happened in our life which affected us emotionally. Her sister's husband ran away and then she got a new one, her own family behaved badly when that happened to her sister.... It's like my gf was 15 at times, because she reacts to bad things that happen so intensily that you wonder if she ever grew up and got some sort of stability for her own.

So far I was able, in long talks, to help her when she felt down but yesterday for the first time I recognized that I had lost her. She was complitly shielded inside her anger and you werent able to talk to her. I am just not getting whats going on. Her life is completly fine, our life is fine; we are about to found a family, have a nice house and are financially safe. All good, except with her. I never tell her that, but try to comfort her but it starts to feel for me that our whole life only revolves around her problems. And by taking my problems on as her own she justifies talking about her problems even more. I dont want to say she is egoistic, but at the moment she's her own center of the universe and I dont know what do to about it.

She has had a very close bond with her family over the years, so close that you might say if she has ever left home. I am working on that for several years, trieing to help her becoming autarkic. But its hardly working, cause her mum is like a clucking hen. Now she had the problems first with her family then I had problems with my family she made her own and is somewhat totally overstrained. This all would be ok and I'ld help her, if it wasnt for her to turn on our relationship in the rampage. I fear she may want to destroy everything around her because she's frustrated.

 

[Qlip]

Hmm, maybe she feels like you have taken sides, the wrong side. Is there a way for you to maintain the type of contact you want with your family and communicate and show her that you're standing by her instead of against?

I hate to be obvious, but couples dynamics can be really tough to get a handle on without knowing all the angles. If you really do feel that she's essentially unreasonable, then you don't have much recourse than to either accept it or move on elsewhere. But I doubt it's that cut and dry. Maybe you guy should see a councilor.