Why do you pursue a relationship?

[Mole]

love 2 b loved

Love loves love.

 

[Mole]

We know that men with a higher income get more dates. And women with a good physique get more dates.

We don't want men to objectify women's bodies, and we don't want women to be financed by men.

We want to love and be loved, but only with a man with a higher income or a women with a sexy body.

This is a good example of cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is emotionally painful so we tend to avoid it. Although cognitive dissonance is the path to learning.

 

[Mole]

Jane Austen in "Pride and Prejudice" says, “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”

And it is universally acknowledged that Jane Austen understands women.

 

[Coriolis]

Love loves love.

Good grief. That is beyond tautological.

 

[Sacrophagus]

We know that men with a higher income get more dates. And women with a good physique get more dates.

We don't want men to objectify women's bodies, and we don't want women to be financed by men.

We want to love and be loved, but only with a man with a higher income or a women with a sexy body.

This is a good example of cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is emotionally painful so we tend to avoid it. Although cognitive dissonance is the path to learning.

Your ignorance is all over the place, Mole.

 

[Mole]

Your ignorance is all over the place, Mole.

You insult me personally rather than addressing the issues.

 

[Sacrophagus]

You insult me personally rather than addressing the issues.

That is true.

I have tried reasoning with you before. A fruitless endeavor.

Nonetheless, It's not necessarily insulting your person. You can be brilliant at times. I was rather emphasizing your obstinate propensity for ignorance when it comes to your attachment to the role of a passive victim, especially when it comes to the workings of society. It suits you to play that role, it suits you to feel like a bystander casualty of society, and suits you not to face the truth of your actual insecurities and see yourself for once, therefore, your comments coming from a place of denial are complete and utter ignorance.

 

[Starry]

Good grief. That is beyond tautological.

When you say “beyond tautological” do you mean not tautological? (I’m assuming this is on topic).

I understand what you’re getting at [MENTION=3325]Mole[/MENTION]


I personally don’t pursue a relationship based on social acceptability. It’s difficult to explain what I mean I guess. Like, I would never say “pick” on the right people to increase my social standing that kind of thing. It’s all in the same vein.

 

[Coriolis]

When you say “beyond tautological” do you mean not tautological? (I’m assuming this is on topic).

I understand what you’re getting at [MENTION=3325]Mole[/MENTION]


I personally don’t pursue a relationship based on social acceptability. It’s difficult to explain what I mean I guess. Like, I would never say “pick” on the right people to increase my social standing that kind of thing. It’s all in the same vein.

No, I mean extremely tautological, almost redundantly so: A = A = A.

 

[Starry]

No, I mean extremely tautological, almost redundantly so: A = A = A.

Oh. I thought what made something ‘tautological’ was when you said the same thing using different words so like “the tragic misfortune”... and subsequently using the word love 3 times wouldn’t qualify - but vocabulary isn’t necessarily one of my strengths.

 

[Coriolis]

Oh. I thought what made something ‘tautological’ was when you said the same thing using different words so like “the tragic misfortune”... and subsequently using the word love 3 times wouldn’t qualify - but vocabulary isn’t necessarily one of my strengths.

What makes something tautological is that it is universally true. Definitions from linguistics often do include the notion that different words must be used ("a beginner who is just starting out"). I suppose I was coming at it more from mathematical logic as I illustrated with A = A, an identity. We might require some work to determine whether B = A or some more complex expression ultimately boils down to A, but the idea that A = A is true in all cases.

 

[Starry]

What makes something tautological is that it is universally true. Definitions from linguistics often do include the notion that different words must be used ("a beginner who is just starting out"). I suppose I was coming at it more from mathematical logic as I illustrated with A = A, an identity. We might require some work to determine whether B = A or some more complex expression ultimately boils down to A, but the idea that A = A is true in all cases.

Okay yah.....I was merely considering the common or as you say linguistics definition of tautological and certainly nothing having to do with hard logic... as love, in and of itself, is highly illogical to me haha. But thanks for explaining.

 

[Coriolis]

Okay yah.....I was merely considering the common or as you say linguistics definition of tautological and certainly nothing having to do with hard logic... as love, in and of itself, is highly illogical to me haha. But thanks for explaining.

I agree with you completely on the highlighted.

 

[Starry]

Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

 

[hjgbujhghg]

I get bored alone

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

The question for me would be more "Why don't you pursue a relationship".

Well I have tried to (sigh). But every time I'm feeling very excited by the seduction process and then it becomes hell

YouTube

I had so many jealous guys . Well that is true I am imaginative and playful but always clear with what I don't wanna live.

I realised later I had been attracting fragile men (they used to be attracted by me like bees are attracted to flowers). But in a daily life it wasn't romantic at all and my dreams became our dramas.

Finally I prefer my freedom. People are wrong in that sense that they mess up love and possess.

I'l enjoy my own life as I have always been doing, all by myself, with positive experiments, until I'll be able to find another person who is free spirited, who has been working enough on himself/herself.

I am also loved for my positive personality, but whereas I tend to understand the shadows of others (which is also part of my work and my strenghts) no one seems to be able to bear mines (if I decide to show them or come out).

I know I must work on myself if I wanna create a couple. But the theory is very easy, concretely I feel into a prison very rapidly.

Moreover at work I hear people pissed of by their relationship, which does not help. Even if I say "I'm detached I can handle it" my unconscious probably does not agree.

 

[Oberon]

Primarily because I will lay may seed in her egg. That sounds immature but I was always content on being alone. I even didn't want to lay my seed but then I met someone that would be a perfect partner in crime. Together, our half seeds will merge, and from our half seed will come the mega-seed (child).

 

[Mole]

We are here in intense emotional relationships across the globe. And it is simply amazing we take it for granted. And we treat our global relationships as though we are at home.

 

[Forever_Jung]

Put simply: I don't, or at least very rarely.

I've got quite a low sex drive and intimacy is a block for me. I don't know many, if any, who want a sexless relationship with little intimacy. The problem is I can talk about any issues I'm experiencing, quite freely, but I don't feel any weight behind the words.

I hold no emotional connection to my personal issues beyond anger and misery & frankly people don't want to be around someone like that so I've taken great lengths to make sure that it is buried deep. Now I know that is immediately unhealthy, but the reason is that my emotional content is largely ephemeral and inconsequential, but nevertheless has a strong hold on me, so when certain subjects come up, if I don't stay vigilant, it's like a tide of vitriol coming out and it appears to be endless. No attempt to seek out help has ever ended well or with a resolution.

So the only reasonable approach I feel I can take is enormous amounts of self-control and suppression. I tend to take a pseudo-philosophical bent in my pursuit of this, reminding myself that my pains are largely illusory, that there are much worse situations to be in, that relatively those issues will always be minute in comparison & that there are always much much worse situations to be in.

Despite this, there is a part of me that seems to want to hold onto that pain and dwell on it (without meaning to make it sound like I'm passing responsibility...it is still 'me' for an uncounted amount of 'me-ness' that thinks this) and so I don't think anyone has ever hurt me so much that I should subject them to this in a prolonged relationship.

I'm fine with brief or superficial relations, people tend not to see any of the issues when I keep things to that level. It's when I have to be in close proximity to the same person or people for a long time outside of a work context...then it becomes a problem. On top of that, all I really do is work (and not with a great deal of reward either) and so I don't think it's fair to others when I haven't sorted my shit out.

Any person who could love me in that intimate way would have to have a immeasurably tough nature.

Maybe in 10-15 years time, when I am more settled and hopefully more financially secure.....although I'll be pretty old by then.

The other side to this is that I find social relationships quite difficult, I have to work extremely hard to interact on a normal level & I'm constantly aware that if I slip up, the dam will burst and my bile will come out and people will see me for what I really am.

I just don't relate to other people very well, despite having a similar life when compared with some of them.

Yet I remain an extraverted personality.

That sounds like a lot to carry inside.

 

[Cellmold]

That sounds like a lot to carry inside.

If I find a way to let it out safely, I'll diffuse it.

But it could be worse.