Fulfiling the expectations of your parents ?

[Virtual ghost]

How much did you want to fulfill the expectations of your parents ? Do you think they were fair ?

How much did you actually fulfill ?

 

[anticlimatic]

Everybody wants to fulfill the expectations of their parents, the problem is adolescence when everybody also wants to fulfill the expectation of their peers and the two groups seldom want the same things from you. Learning how to be a part of the broader tribe, and not just the immediate family, is an important aspect of development so I think teenagers should get a pass for 'rebelling,' since it's actually just their way of figuring out how to fit into society in general and not just the family. However long it takes, I think that once the skill is learned the two are reconciled to the best of an individual's ability- meeting both family and society's expectations, perhaps with a preference for one or the other.

I don't know what my parents expectations ever were for me, other than to be a good person and a conscientious person, which turned out to be an easy enough accomplishment considering they're both things society tends to expect as well.

 

[Maou]

My parents expected me to fail, and drop out and be a baby mama working minimum wage for the rest of my life. But they also expected me to get good grades, while treating me like shit and having me fill the housewife role for a lot of my childhood. Lots of mixed signals here.

So I just ignored them, and did what I thought was right. That was getting the fuck out at 18, and ghosting them for a few years.

 

[Coriolis]

How much did you want to fulfill the expectations of your parents ? Do you think they were fair ?

How much did you actually fulfill ?

I don't recall a strong desire to fulfill my parents' expectations, but then I usually surpassed them by fulfilling my own. I always had a very strong sense of what I wanted to achieve/accomplish.

 

[RadicalDoubt]

How much did you want to fulfill the expectations of your parents ? Do you think they were fair ?

How much did you actually fulfill ?

My parents didn't really have any real expectations for me till I got older, so I kind of set my own as a substitute and fulfilled that. Only when I started to become somewhat depressive, solitary, and completely disregarded performance as a possible future path did any expectations get thrown on me at all. Some of them were fair, some of them were petty and socially based. I ignored any that didn't make sense to me initially, though some were eventually thrown on me as I became more insecure a person, so I guess we can safely say at least half those new expectations I fulfilled.

 

[Bush]

I took my parents' silence as an indication that I wasn't living up to their expectations, and that I just needed to do more (and more and more and...) to grab their attention. But it turned out that they were just apathetic toward me altogether, and so they didn't have any expectations for me -- positive or negative.

On one hand, I learned that pretty early on and so I didn't seek their approval for too terribly long. On the other hand, I ended up seeking approval from pretty much everywhere else. Whoops!

 

[ceecee]

I don't recall a strong desire to fulfill my parents' expectations, but then I usually surpassed them by fulfilling my own. I always had a very strong sense of what I wanted to achieve/accomplish.

This. I mean I have degrees and a career and a family but if they had specific expectations, I never heard about them one way or another.

 

[highlander]

How much did you want to fulfill the expectations of your parents ? Do you think they were fair ? How much did you actually fulfill ?

I fulfilled my own expectations. Not sure my parents had much to be honest or if they did, they never said what they were (or I don't remember or didn't care). So yeah - pretty much what @Coriolis said. Maybe it is an INTJ thing. I was always very driven to accomplish things.

 

[rav3n]

Zero interest in fulfilling parental expectations of forcing me down the law career path. Fair wasn't part of the family vocab which I won't get into.

I went down the finance and econ path, into the investment industry and exceeded expectations in magnitudes. When I made COO, the only comment that my father made was to my mother, wondering if I could handle it. Must admit that it was satisfying to do things my way.

 

[hurl3y4456]

Zero interest in fulfilling parental expectations of forcing me down the law career path. Fair wasn't part of the family vocab which I won't get into.

I went down the finance and econ path, into the investment industry and exceeded expectations in magnitudes. When I made COO, the only comment that my father made was to my mother, wondering if I could handle it. Must admit that it was satisfying to do things my way.

This is one key issue in regards to identity crisis....We develop our identity uniquely and mustn't be forced to align with a path that corresponds to a false perception of our identity...Thus, happiness is related to the proportion of energy we invest in creating or own identity.

 

[rav3n]

This is one key issue in regards to identity crisis....We develop our identity uniquely and mustn't be forced to align with a path that corresponds to a false perception of our identity...Thus, happiness is related to the proportion of energy we invest in creating or own identity.

Within reason, agreed, presuming that 'our own identity' isn't premised on anything monstrous.

 

[EJCC]

The most enneagram 1 story in the book: my parents were extremely inconsistent with their expectations - on the one hand would emphasize that it didn't matter what I did, they loved me regardless, but would let me know their REAL feelings unpredictably, either through body language or knowing looks or accidental outbursts. Their likes and dislikes, expressed so erratically, didn't make intuitive sense to me as a child and I didn't know how to predict them, so I preempted their unpredictability with my own expectations of myself. Which on the one hand were harsher than theirs, but on the other hand turned out to be better than theirs in a lot of ways.

Conveniently, I have fulfilled most of their expectations. The problem is that whenever I do a bad/unexpected thing, even if it's very small, my mother doesn't know how to cope - I'm approaching 30 and she has almost no experience separating her own expectations of me from my actual life. The good news is that I've been to therapy and am more detached from that weirdness now.

 

[Yuurei]

My parents had none. Hell, my Grandmother treated me like I was legitimately mentally deficient and incapable of doing anything on my own, but that's because she's crazy. So really, I have far surpassed them.

...hooray!

 

[Obfuscate]

i think their expectations we primarily based on morality, and i know my dad is pleased with where i landed (even when i discuss quandries, he thinks i am a step ahead for having analyzed it into that level of detail)... i think my mom had additional religous expectations, and i am not where she would like me to be on that front...

 

[I Tonya]

Uhhhhh, I tried when I was immature and young. Once you grow up you learn to be you're own person instead of trying to fulfill someone else's agenda.

 

[Novella]

My parents' expectations were more humanitarian based, be kind, polite, respectful and courteous to others. In terms of scholastic achievements and long term career goals they had different expectations for my sister and I. To be fair we are far from being two peas in a pod.

She showed an incredible aptitude for Mathematics so my father did exert a gentle pressure for her to excel in this area and to ultimately become an Accountant. Which she did, then threw in the towel and became a teacher and student coordinator. I think my father was initially dissapointed with her choice but became proud over time. Always felt a little sympathetic towards her as a child as there was that expectation of her achieving an A grade in all subjects whereas I was praised for any A's I received.

For my more modest capabilities (B student) he did express a desire for me to be a veterinarian nurse (loved animals as a child) but never pushed the issue. I have ended up working for the public service as a Service officer, which both my parents were pleased with (they were more focused on me settling down in the one role and not having the insecurity of contractual work) after spending my 20's trying to find my niche; administration, sales and business development roles all of which I was ill suited to due to personality as well as skillset.

I was very lucky in that my parents adjusted their expectations in line with their insight into our developing psyches and as a result, neither of us felt the urge to rebel. Not directly against them anyway and not for that reason

 

[Virtual ghost]

So none of you were expected to be weird, "different", good at video games ...... ?



To be honest I had to get to the high school to realize that my parents don't really know what they are doing in the terms of goals/values. Especially since everyone in the house wanted me to be something else, what is the foundation of my pragmatism and ignoring people.