Gender Identity and YOU!

[Luv Deluxe]

These days there seems to be a lot of talk about gender identity, a subject I find extremely complex and just as fascinating.

While a lot of philosophical contemplation has already been exercised on the matter, I'm going the personal route: what does your gender identity mean to you? How do you identify yourself? If our abstract concepts range from "extremely feminine" to "extremely masculine," where do you fall on this spectrum? Does your sexuality play a big role for you? Do you feel accepted by your culture/environment, or perhaps a little invalidated? Feel free to involve type theory if you like.

I'm curious about the grey areas we see within ourselves.

Putting this under "General Psychology" because I feel like it's an even broader topic than sexuality; my apologies if this specific angle has been touched upon recently.

Inspired partially by these threads:
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/philosophy-and-spirituality/76421-gender-essentialism-genderqueer-theory-transgender-stuff.html

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sexuality-and-mature-topics/77617-sex-gender-explorer-sage-test.html

 

[á´…eparted]

I am a gay man.

I identify as a man, very much like being a man, and physically appearing as one. I'm a lot more sensitive to masculinty/feminity stuff than I let off, and I very very rarely talk about it. I've never once questioned my gender identity, and I know it to be completely in sync with my biological sex. As a consequence it wasn't until my early 20's that I began to grasp or empathize with those who lacked strong sync between sex and gender. What ultimately lead me to understanding it, was imagining myself looking as a Woman. It feels so wrong, very wrong, and I would be immensely unhappy and gross if that were the case. I've surmised that this type of visceral reaction is how transexuals (and other non-congruent gender identities) must feel persistently every moment of every day. I can not imagine living like that, and I truly do feel sympathy towards those that do.

 

[Hitoshi-San]

I'm biologically female, and identify as female. I couldn't really tell ya if I'm more masculine or feminine, I don't entirely get what specifically is being asked. People tell me I look very feminine, but I don't have stereotypically "masculine" or "feminine" mannerisms, more like a mix of both.

I've only ever been romantically attracted to guys, and can honestly only see myself being attracted to them. Sexually, I'm into guys primarily but I would have nothing against making out/having sex with another girl if that's what it came down to and if the circumstances were right. Like, I don't even think I'd have to be in a party situation for it to happen. But either way I consider myself more heterosexual/straight?

I've always been comfortable with gender/sexual identity - like hey, it's a part of me but it still doesn't define me. I know it might not be a big deal for me, but I can't understand why others get rattled so easily over it.

 

[Riva]

*Summons INFJ males*

----

I have no gender identity issues. I very much like being a man and can't even imagine living as a woman. Too many things to think about and if you are stuck being ugly you are doomed. Ugly males can atleast work out and build muscles.

However, if I lived in the western hemisphere (the rich secular parts of course) I wouldn't have minded being a woman minus the periods. Hmm.. again I would want to be beautiful.

There are a few advantages of being a woman. Lolz no I am not talking about obtaining sexual favours.

 

[Frosty]

Yeah I am totally fine with being a woman in this day and age. Women have way more freedom today than they ever really have, more opportunities at a much greater ease. The definions of what it means to be a woman and the means of achieving them have become more flexible than ever, and it makes it much easier to be whatever woman I want to be. Less of a fight.

But that really isn't HOW I identify myself, only the results of process. I have always been ambivalent about my gender, it was just another part of me, and a part I never really felt, and never really wanted to feel define me. And so I didn't much let it. I wanted to be more me than I wanted to follow the strict constraints assigned to me at birth, and I was more than just one dimension. I've said this before, but I did what I wanted and really paid no heed to whether it was the masculine or feminine thing to do- it was what I wanted to do and that was wnough. But again, that is not quite identity, how do I know which gender I really psychologically am... Well that is really fluid to me. The fact that nothing really pushes through as absolutely wrong, and I don't have that feeling of intense dysphoria, leads me to believe that biologically I was give the right body- it is just the defintions that are wrong to me.

 

[five sounds]

I am a woman and identify as female. To me, womanhood means choosing what that means for me as an individual. My behavior and dress range from moderately feminine to androgynous probably. I like the idea/aesthetic of gender bending clothes (ties and suspenders and Oxford shirts) but I also love a pretty dress. I think I'd feel equally comfortable in both, with the most comfort in androgynous fashions.

My gender and my sexuality are not parts of myself I try to define with words or confine to one model. I am who I am and I like who I like. I do enjoy contemplating where I am and how I feel in these arenas. I was recently described as "feminine and earthy" which I quite liked.

 

[Duffy]

My gender identity or whatever you want to call it is pretty straight forward. I'm male and identify as male.

Though I tend to imagine myself as a women from time to time. I think I'd make a cute girl.

 

[BadOctopus]

I'm a straight woman, and I guess a moderately feminine one. When I was a kid, though, I was very much a tomboy. I hated dresses, and dolls, and anything girly. Even when I was a teen, I carried all my things in my pockets, because I loathed purses. My mom was convinced that I'd turn out to be a lesbian. But although I appreciate beauty in women, I have never felt sexually attracted to one. I like men. They're good.

Now that I am a grown adult, I enjoy certain things about being a woman. I like makeup, and shoes, and dresses (although I still hate frills and lace, and there's not a trace of pink in my wardrobe.) But that's kind of where my femininity ends. Otherwise, I am pretty indifferent about my gender. I don't enjoy stereotypically "womanly" activities. I would rather play video games than go shopping. And I prefer sci-fi or action films over romance. Most chick flicks make me want to hurl. And I read nautical fiction, for God's sake.

In many ways, I feel like I sort of fail as a woman. I'm not particularly affectionate, or good at comforting people. I'm not very good with kids; I don't think I have a single nurturing bone in my body. I've been told that I "think like a guy", by my ex-boyfriend, no less. In any case, I generally lead with my head, not my heart. Which, according to society, is a more masculine trait than a feminine one. (Although I know plenty of men who defy that stereotype.)

Anyway, I guess I think of myself as a person first. The whole "woman" thing is kind of an afterthought.

 

[Luv Deluxe]

I'm biologically female, and identify as female. I couldn't really tell ya if I'm more masculine or feminine, I don't entirely get what specifically is being asked.

It's not very specific, sorry. I think because the idea is so large and complex, it's a difficult thing to ask about or describe.

I'm curious about gender roles in our culture and how much we truly feel that we fulfill those roles, how much we identify with ideas about our gender, how well we belong to that idea as a group, etc. Sexuality certainly plays a part, but I think it can be more expansive than that. For example, maybe some male feelers experience frustration with ideas about sensitivity in men, and it alienates them.

I guess that I'm prone to start thinking about these things because I don't really identify as feminine, but I don't identify as masculine, either. I took a rather official-looking test once and registered a 50/50 androgynous result. I don't physically appear androgynous, I don't think; I look female, and I'm glad my body is female because I'm sexually attracted to men, which makes life a little bit easier.

Other than that, though, sometimes I feel like my brain is 60/40 on the masculine side. There are so many preoccupations that women are supposed to have that I don't identify with at all, to the point of it being a sore spot: the desires to be a mother, to nurture others, to keep a family and home, to be soft and demure, etc. I get that this isn't the 1950s anymore, but as a childfree-by-choice individual...you'd be amazed how many people can't let this go. At least in the United States, where I grew up especially, people seem keen on promoting the idea that a lack of maternal hormones would indicate some kind of social or cultural failing.

Additionally, I feel very, very strange around groups of females more often than I do groups of men. If we were a tribe, I think I could provide physical and emotional strength, but socially, I'd be ostracized. I wouldn't make the cut. I don't mean to sound as though I don't like other women, as I do have female friends - only that my observations consistently register a tendency for women in groups to discuss and worry about things I could never bring myself to care about, things I really struggle to relate with. Something feels different, like I am what I am, and they are...other, I guess.

I often see very classically feminine icons attached to INFJ type descriptions, as well, but as I was recently telling [MENTION=22067]riva[/MENTION] - I think instead of Audrey Hepburn, a more accurate symbol for me might be Mad Max's Imperator Furiosa.

I remember when I first started posting here, people regularly mistook me for a dude. Anyway. I guess I would say that I'm sexually female, mentally somewhere in between. Genderless.

 

[miss fortune]

I am female and I enjoy my womanly body... it's fantastic and yes, I DO watch my boobs bounce when I wear something low cut because it's fun to watch and I know how to wear clothes that flatter my build and own quite a few that do... I have a lot of short dresses.

on the other hand, I have a lot of masculine traits and interests and tend to excel in traditionally manly jobs and fields. I love power tools and hand tools, taking physical risks is FUN, math and science are interesting and we're both aware that I fulfill the traditionally manly role in the home.

the fact that these two things don't match up, traditionally speaking, doesn't bother me. I kind of like it (and so does the man)

I am assumed to be a lesbian on occasion because of my interests... I do find women to be attractive and have been involved with a couple of them, but I adore men as well and enjoy them more in long term relationships (I guess bisexual-heteroromantic would be the correct term?)

 

[Coriolis]

I have always been ambivalent about my gender, it was just another part of me, and a part I never really felt, and never really wanted to feel define me. And so I didn't much let it. I wanted to be more me than I wanted to follow the strict constraints assigned to me at birth, and I was more than just one dimension. I've said this before, but I did what I wanted and really paid no heed to whether it was the masculine or feminine thing to do- it was what I wanted to do and that was wnough. But again, that is not quite identity, how do I know which gender I really psychologically am... Well that is really fluid to me. The fact that nothing really pushes through as absolutely wrong, and I don't have that feeling of intense dysphoria, leads me to believe that biologically I was give the right body- it is just the defintions that are wrong to me.

This is essentially my perspective as well. When I was a kid, I sometimes wished I were a boy, but mainly because the boys around me generally did things that were more fun, and didn't seem to be held to the same standards of appearance and manner. By the time I was a teenager, though, I realized I didn't have to follow those standards, and I could do pretty much whatever I put my mind to. Since then, I haven't really cared.

So, I am a straight female, but mostly I think of myself simply as me. I identify as female primarily for medical and physiological matters; for deciding which restroom or locker room to use; and for filling out forms that ask for gender. In general, though, I identify much more strongly with my profession, talents, abilities, interests, spirituality, culture, and personality than with gender.

I wear almost exclusively women's clothing because it fits my figure best. I don't mind the occasional dress or skirt in the right style and colors, but find much of women's clothing hopelessly impractical, uncomfortable, gaudy, or flimsy. I tend therefore to wear fairly androgynous styles, but tailored for women.

When I was a kid, though, I was very much a tomboy. I hated dresses, and dolls, and anything girly. Even when I was a teen, I carried all my things in my pockets, because I loathed purses.

I still do. Either I have little enough to fit into my pockets (wallet and keys), or enough to need a briefcase or backpack. I wasn't really a tomboy, but still hated girly things as a kid. I think I liked dresses much better when I could buy the ones I liked rather than the silly things my mother had for me when I was very small.

In many ways, I feel like I sort of fail as a woman. I'm not particularly affectionate, or good at comforting people. I'm not very good with kids; I don't think I have a single nurturing bone in my body. I've been told that I "think like a guy", by my ex-boyfriend, no less. In any case, I generally lead with my head, not my heart. Which, according to society, is a more masculine trait than a feminine one. (Although I know plenty of men who defy that stereotype.)

Anyway, I guess I think of myself as a person first. The whole "woman" thing is kind of an afterthought.

Exactly. It's all just boxes. The whole head/heart thing is just T/F anyway. Sure, by most statistics more women are F than men, but a large minority of each gender has the opposite preference. I was lucky in a way as a kid, especially in my generation. I was an only child, so my mother did typical girl things with me like cooking, sewing, shopping, visiting; my father did typical boy things, like home repairs, woodworking, fishing, etc. (He wasn't into sports or cars himself.) I've followed suit into adulthood, doing what is interesting or needful regardless of which box it is usually assigned. I cook and build computers; sew clothes and cut wood; garden and do martial arts; have science as a vocation and music as an avocation.

Additionally, I feel very, very strange around groups of females more often than I do groups of men. If we were a tribe, I think I could provide physical and emotional strength, but socially, I'd be ostracized. I wouldn't make the cut. I don't mean to sound as though I don't like other women, as I do have female friends - only that my observations consistently register a tendency for women in groups to discuss and worry about things I could never bring myself to care about, things I really struggle to relate with. Something feels different, like I am what I am, and they are...other, I guess.

Same here.

 

[Luv Deluxe]

I have always been ambivalent about my gender, it was just another part of me, and a part I never really felt, and never really wanted to feel define me. And so I didn't much let it. I wanted to be more me than I wanted to follow the strict constraints assigned to me at birth, and I was more than just one dimension. I've said this before, but I did what I wanted and really paid no heed to whether it was the masculine or feminine thing to do- it was what I wanted to do and that was wnough. But again, that is not quite identity, how do I know which gender I really psychologically am... Well that is really fluid to me. The fact that nothing really pushes through as absolutely wrong, and I don't have that feeling of intense dysphoria, leads me to believe that biologically I was give the right body- it is just the defintions that are wrong to me.

Very well said.

I was an only child, so my mother did typical girl things with me like cooking, sewing, shopping, visiting; my father did typical boy things, like home repairs, woodworking, fishing, etc. (He wasn't into sports or cars himself.) I've followed suit into adulthood, doing what is interesting or needful regardless of which box it is usually assigned. I cook and build computers; sew clothes and cut wood; garden and do martial arts; have science as a vocation and music as an avocation.

Me too!

 

[RandomINTP]

I'm a heterosexual man.
Though I have some feminine traits, I'm much more masculine.
Though I have great color perception and good empathy, I also have the logic talent and geometry talent, which is common in men. I might just be mentally eccentric as well. I'm sexually dominant, by the way.

 

[Cellmold]

I look and feel out of place in every situation.

I'm a bad man and a worse woman. But I can't bring myself to pretend to be anything else, I either deal with the shit being myself brings or pretend to be something I'm not and frankly there's much worse shit to go through than anything I've had. Lets see as an exercise in stereotypes....well I would say none of the traits associated with masculinity really apply to me, I'm more gender neutral than anything.

The few friends I have (well sort of friends) would say my defining trait is stupidity.

Well whatever, I'm just not good at caring and making split-second decisions.

 

[Duffy]

I feel like it's generally more accepted or easier for women to gender bend in various aspects of life (western culture). Like it may be viewed as quirky or attractive or something.

I feel it's err... trickier for men. More difficult.

 

[Qlip]

I'm what's called a cis-male. The concept of masculinity bothered me when I was younger; as an ENFP my behaviors and dispositions give a non gender normative vibe. But I don't see myself as anything else but a dude and I refuse to let that restrict my exploration in life. I've done a lot of woodwork, beer brewing, home renovation, also cross stitch, baking, cooking and diaper changing. And I'm unafraid to watch or read romance, although generally I do it out of curiosity.

 

[Qlip]

I am a woman and identify as female. To me, womanhood means choosing what that means for me as an individual. My behavior and dress range from moderately feminine to androgynous probably. I like the idea/aesthetic of gender bending clothes (ties and suspenders and Oxford shirts) but I also love a pretty dress. I think I'd feel equally comfortable in both, with the most comfort in androgynous fashions.

My gender and my sexuality are not parts of myself I try to define with words or confine to one model. I am who I am and I like who I like. I do enjoy contemplating where I am and how I feel in these arenas. I was recently described as "feminine and earthy" which I quite liked.

Just saw this, it's relevant.


‘The Last of the Teddy Girls’: Ken Russell’s nearly lost photographs of London’s teenage girl gangs | Dangerous Minds

 

[five sounds]

Just saw this, it's relevant.


‘The Last of the Teddy Girls’: Ken Russell’s nearly lost photographs of London’s teenage girl gangs | Dangerous Minds

this is fantastic. I feel a crop and a profile pic change coming. These women look awesome!

 

[thoughtlost]

I feel like it's generally more accepted or easier for women to gender bend in various aspects of life (western culture). Like it may be viewed as quirky or attractive or something.

I feel it's err... trickier for men. More difficult.

I find this to be true too... I've noticed it's easier for females to feel more comfortable being "different" or to at least acknowledge their differences somehow. And that's how I feel myself; it's not a major concern for me that I might cross a gender boundary. There is monetary/government support for me to do things that males are historically likely to do. And I hear that's actually not ideal because it shows a bias that it's better to be more "male". If a female doesn't conform to historical norms, of course, she might be given a hard time, but there is a higher chance that she would be prouder of her difference, that she isn't a stereotypical female and is more like a stereotypical male compared to a male who deviates from the norm. We're getting better, but in some ways ...equality/doing your own thing is easier for females to think about than it is for males. For example, there is more recruitment for females to enter male-dominated fields but smallish recruitment for males to enter female dominated fields.

So with how our "progressive" is working ...it still has a long way to go in regards to allowing males to see themselves in the historical social/personal/economic roles females tend to fall into.

Could be wrong... could just be my part of the world.

 

[Coriolis]

I'm what's called a cis-male. The concept of masculinity bothered me when I was younger; as an ENFP my behaviors and dispositions give a non gender normative vibe. But I don't see myself as anything else but a dude and I refuse to let that restrict my exploration in life. I've done a lot of woodwork, beer brewing, home renovation, also cross stitch, baking, cooking and diaper changing. And I'm unafraid to watch or read romance, although generally I do it out of curiosity.

That's the spirit. In this respect, I think social mores are harder on men than on women, for the reasons already mentioned. Every man like you who ignores it and just does his own thing, makes it easier for the other men around.