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  1. #111
    Join Date
    Jun 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post

    Sometimes situations are extremely complex. Pull one strand, change one thing, and many others move with it. Sometimes the situation is unhappy, but there's no obvious way to change it, or changing it in any way might just make it worse. Sometimes you try to change it, but it won't change with any ways you think to try. Sometimes you'd have to revamp your entire life to change it.
    Exactly and no one's perfect. Yet people expect magic. When if they were told to change wouldn't so then they're assholes. I dunno.
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  2. #112
    Junior Member Connoisseur's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2019


    When one comes to terms with their perceived powerlessness to change things, due to past failures, and wrongfully assumes that nothing can be done, since they're not <trait> enough. Also, when people get overwhelmed by all the things that have to be done.

  3. #113
    Senior Member lauranna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    9w8 sx/sp


    It is the most frustrating trait I find in others.

    "Oh I wish I could do what you did"

    You could if you weren't so afraid. The only difference between us is that I am not afraid to take risks/make changes.

    As I get older I have so literal tolerance for people who continually whinge about their shitty life situation yet still make no attempt to change it. (my mother is one of the worst for it.)

  4. #114
    A Bittersweet Symphony... The Mysterious Stranger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016


    Playin' a fools game hopin' to win;
    and tellin' those sweet lies and losin' again.
    I was lookin' for logic in all the wrong places,
    Lookin' for logic in too many faces,
    searchin' their eyes and lookin' for traces
    of what I'm dreamin' of.

    Feral humans are feral for a reason.
    I am the Cat who walks by himself; and all places are alike to me.

  5. #115


    Look into the Karpman Drama Triangle. You see it play out daily. The victim has the most power.

    How To Escape The Dreaded Drama Triangle

    The Victim sees life as happening to them and feels powerless to change their circumstances. Victims place blame on a Persecutor who can be a person or a situation. Being powerless, the victim ostensibly seeks a rescuer to solve the problem for them. Victims also have a sneaky interest in validating their problem as being unsolvable.
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  6. #116
    A Bittersweet Symphony... The Mysterious Stranger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016


    The bird once asked the fish: Why do you fly down there?
    To which the fish replied: Why do you swim up there?
    I am the Cat who walks by himself; and all places are alike to me.
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  7. #117
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017


    If you want something and don't get it, there are only two reasons. You either really didn't want it, or you tried to bargain over the price.

    Rudyard Kipling

    i think people feel hopeless over circumstances a lot of the time.

    its like they look at it as too much.. as an optimist i used to think this was ridiculous just try HARDER!

    But as more and more difficulties fell on me recently i really have compassion for how overwhelming it can feel to change your circumstances.

    For myself personally but the part of me that is defiant still wont let up.

    I had this dream the other day where i was trying to climb up a crumbling hill and i was so angry but determined and as pieces of the rock crumbled in my hand i felt like what's the point but i persisted and at the end i grasped a fox medallion and i knew i had succeeded in what ever it was my mind was trying to allude to.
    blow a kiss to the universe and it is certain to wink at you in return.

  8. #118
    Moderator Yuu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Duno None


    Oh to be so entitled.

    I’ve been in situations where things truly were beyond my control. I am currently quite tired of my grandmother condescendingly lecturing me that I “ Have a choice to make.”
    Biiiitch, if I had the means to live on my own, or even knees which worked well enough for the transient life-style, I’d have left long ago. You gonna let me live at your place? You gonna force someone to give my broken ass a job with enough money to pay rent and keep my insurance? Yea, thought so. Keep it to yourself then.

    From this perspective of mine it is extremely baffling that there are so many people who’s only obstacle between them and a better life is a lack of will power. I really think that i5 must be connected to some sort of mental illness.

    Not just depression and the other common ones more like a sort of neurotic fear of failure.
    " Do something, even if it's wrong."

    " I don't wanna have to but I will, if that's what I'm supposed to do
    We don't wanna set up for the kill, but that's what I'm 'bout to do."

  9. #119
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    5w6 sp/sx


    Generally comes down to strong external locus of control, learned helplessness due to a host of complex factors that vary per individual (bio/psycho/social elements, conditioning, maladaptive thought/behavior patterns that lead to negative or otherwise distorted appraisal of self, abilities, etc— which perpetuates the underlying sense of powerlessness).

    A great read (link below). Keep scrolling— if you click ‘read chapter’ — you’ll hit paywalls. Free is sufficient.
    Learn more about Learned Helplessness

    Additional potentially useful info:

    Locus of control (ultra-basic) infographic-thing:

    And, all this said — when evaluating others this way, we must also consider our own blind spots, such as actor-observer bias, for instance, which I’ll explain with a picture [of other people’s text] for the sake of my own laziness right now:

    We never really know how complicated another’s circumstances are/how things actually fit together— we’ll speculate, sure— but we can’t be certain we have all of the available facts. We might even make a reasonable enough assessment, but it’s important to look at ourselves, too.

    Loads of different mental tightropes to walk when it comes to understanding why humans do what they do or how they personally operate, and how we view and regulate ourselves. How we all grow or stand still. What obstacles may exist and the best ways to overcome them.

    As there is no One-Size-Fits-All Answer Net waiting below this intra/interpersonal highwire circus act, it’s best to tread with care.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!

    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
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  10. #120
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009


    I do like Martin Seligman's books, his skepticism about all talking cure psychotherapies and even some pharmaceutical therapies always seemed balanced, his later day embrace of the whole positive psychology scene less so.

    There are other theorists who sought to inform people about how much of their misery could be created by contexts or structural injustice that was unlikely to change, despite best efforts, I always liked them. The "its not your fault" and "it didnt start with you" messages can be useful sometimes, especially if an individual has internalised more of the self-reproachful social attitudes than could be apparent at first impressions.

    There are jerks who take advantage though and priority for help ought to be people who're already trying to help themselves, I think most people know that though.

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