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  1. #1
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    Default Should I go out to dinner to maintain ties with a bad father?

    who may be a narcissist and has bully tendencies? My religion (Islam) says not to sever ties of kinship. @Sacrophagus he talks to me for a few days or weeks than finds some reason to get mad and doesnt talk to me for months. then he pops into my life out of nowhere.

  2. #2
    Mastermind Fieldmarshal Sacrophagus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Warrior View Post
    who may be a narcissist and has bully tendencies? My religion (Islam) says not to sever ties of kinship. @Sacrophagus he talks to me for a few days or weeks than finds some reason to get mad and doesnt talk to me for months. then he pops into my life out of nowhere.
    The teachings of Islam put parents on a pedestal, to treat them with mercy as they grow old and bear with their mistakes as much as you can. If you deem your father's actions as unjust, Islam has condemned all injustice. Just like the children have a duty to be merciful towards their parents, so do the parents towards their children. There are no double standards.

    In this extreme case, you can either sever ties completely if your parents are insanely violent and belligerent, or, if you can, be there for them in times of need, just like you can help any other person and do that without expecting anything in return, and that's it. That displays a sign of maturity and inner strength.

    Islam also speaks of forgiveness. Be the grown-up person, forgive them, but still respect yourself without harming them.

    Now, personally, I would simply meet your father and get straight to the point. "Is there something I can do for you?", "We agreed to meet here to do this and that. I'm not interested in anything else." would be my go-to attitude. Depending on your personality and the nature of your relationship with your father, it could backfire. I wouldn't advise you to be that straightforward.

    I've given you both the rule and my personal approach. You should make a decision according to what you know including your own nature.

    @Fidelia could give a better perspective relationship-wise since emotional intelligence doesn't have to be related to religion.
    الخَيلُ وَاللَيلُ وَالبَيداءُ تَعرِفُني *** وَالسَيفُ وَالرُمحُ وَالقِرطاسُ وَالقَلَمُ
    Swift steeds, dreary nights, and the desolate wasteland, all know me full well
    As do the sword, the spear, the paper and the pen.

  3. #3
    Cynical Demon Maou's Avatar
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    I think its good to maintain some sort of relationship, even if they are bad. Sometimes they change. You don't want to regret it, when you can no longer have closure.
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  4. #4
    adapᴛıve securıᴛy ısoprene's Avatar
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    I disowned my father over a year ago due to long standing emotional disrespect and abuse by him for my entire life. One of the best decisions I have ever made. Fuck him. I am much happier and healthier for ditching his ass.

    If someone is long standingly unkind to you and refuses to change or listen, get rid of them. Doesn't matter who they are.
    It is our duty to create meaning.

    If only it were that simple.

    dec xoⱶe daÿ ʞ̇ɛẙn̂e bınuzɛ, ᴊys sɔᴛuse.

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