Oh, the hoary old "white man can't know, he WASN'T THERE" trope. Honestly, Rex, I like you and I agree with many of your posts, but this is intellectually dishonest at best and disingenuous at worst. Shame on you for saying that we aren't allowed to have a considered opinion on this topic, that we can't be thoughtful enough to know the landscape. That as much as anything is responsible for the sorry state of racial politics. Everyone has the right to define what is offensive to them, but that doesn't have any larger meaning. The gulf between what someone finds offensive and an actual offense can sometimes be as wide as the ocean.
FMW, I like you and similarly appreciate what you contribute to the forum. That's not the issue here. The problem with you and Mal's response to Marm was that she's pointing out a fairly cut and dry example of dogwhistle racism, and y'alls reaction to her just came off dismissive. In Mal's case, it looked like he'd made an oversight and was tapdancing as fast as he could to make it look like anyone but him was the ignorant one. Meanwhile, you come in and say
It's your opinion that this meme is racist, which you're entitled to. But it's not a closed case.
is ironic when the opposite (i.e., it being someone's opinion that something is
not racist [which they're naturally entitled to] by no means makes it the case) is equally true. That was the point of my riff. It's easy for something to be a blindspot when it's not something you contend with on a regular basis,
and that's okay. But knowing that to be the case, then you should be more credulous when someone brings something like that to your attention, not less so.
To speak to your larger point about how me pointing out the role that privilege played in you and Mal's reactions contributes to the "sorry state or racial politics", I couldn't disagree more. First of all, I'm not of the opinion that discussions about race should be one long browbeating for the white people in the room. In fact, I feel that contributions like the one that you and Mal made could be very positive because they give the offended party a way to understand how an inadvertently derogatory comment can be made with no malicious intent behind it. But the fact of the matter is that in your position as a middle class, hetrosexual, white man, you're virtually never going to be on the receiving end of prejudice. While you can facilitate understanding, you will never be in a position to arbitrate what is and is not offensive with any credibility. That doesn't give a minority unlimited right to call things racist, because that's equally ridiculous. We have as much responsibility to remember the seriousness of making an allegation of racism, and make that call only as a last resort.
To bring it all home, what I took exception to about the exchange with Marm was that she pointed something out, brought in third party evidence to support her claim, and no one was apparently open to the idea that, yeah, maybe there's something to what she's saying. No one was willing to evaluate their own position before dismissing hers. That part where there was no doubt to slow anyone's roll is not a function of objectivity nor superior insight, but privilege. No one who was talking with Marm had any direct experience of discrimination, but they felt ok to make a call about what was and wasn't racist. That to me is bullshit.