- Joined
- Sep 18, 2008
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I heard this on the mosaic podcast while at work; was very thought-provoking. For those who listen to podcasts, I highly recommend it, there's some really good stuff on neuroscience/psychology.
Specifically with regards to suicide, I do believe that social perfectionism is a factor, especially with East Asians where it's not even what you think others expect of you - others will come right out and tell you their (often unreasonable) expectations of you. In work cultures like Japan and Korea where women are taught to make coffee, work the photocopier, look pretty and quit to take care of the family when they get married, all of the financial pressure falls on the shoulders of the men. Women equally have social pressure but by and large the men take the brunt of it - and it's a shaming culture where any failure is seen as a familial/personal quality.
This extends not just to adults, the suicide rates of male kids in schools in particular are really high. In a highly meritocratic environment where grades are seen as the only road to social acceptance/success, failure to enter a "good" school or failing an exam is a very big deal. Here, we often get reports of kids in primary/secondary schools jumping off a block of flats after national exam results are released. I went to an all-girls' elite private school and every single year I know of at least 1 classmate who committed suicide or attempted it, though it was hushed up. Most of them were popular, prefects with good grades. Social perfectionism was definitely a factor there.
On the flip side, those who can't/won't deal with this pressure often retreat in the other direction and become shut-ins. I do believe that the Hikikomori phenomenon is a different response to the same pressure, and have a male cousin, an only son who has refused to interact with the world outside of his immediate family for the last 12 years (he is now 31 years old). This is also a lot more prevalent among males, particularly only/eldest sons who in Asian cultures are expected to be the head of the family and highly successful.. Hearing the judgments that people like my father pass on my cousin, I don't blame him at all for wanting to avoid the world.
Specifically with regards to suicide, I do believe that social perfectionism is a factor, especially with East Asians where it's not even what you think others expect of you - others will come right out and tell you their (often unreasonable) expectations of you. In work cultures like Japan and Korea where women are taught to make coffee, work the photocopier, look pretty and quit to take care of the family when they get married, all of the financial pressure falls on the shoulders of the men. Women equally have social pressure but by and large the men take the brunt of it - and it's a shaming culture where any failure is seen as a familial/personal quality.
This extends not just to adults, the suicide rates of male kids in schools in particular are really high. In a highly meritocratic environment where grades are seen as the only road to social acceptance/success, failure to enter a "good" school or failing an exam is a very big deal. Here, we often get reports of kids in primary/secondary schools jumping off a block of flats after national exam results are released. I went to an all-girls' elite private school and every single year I know of at least 1 classmate who committed suicide or attempted it, though it was hushed up. Most of them were popular, prefects with good grades. Social perfectionism was definitely a factor there.
On the flip side, those who can't/won't deal with this pressure often retreat in the other direction and become shut-ins. I do believe that the Hikikomori phenomenon is a different response to the same pressure, and have a male cousin, an only son who has refused to interact with the world outside of his immediate family for the last 12 years (he is now 31 years old). This is also a lot more prevalent among males, particularly only/eldest sons who in Asian cultures are expected to be the head of the family and highly successful.. Hearing the judgments that people like my father pass on my cousin, I don't blame him at all for wanting to avoid the world.