Limiting Subconscious Beliefs for type Four:
• I’m missing something vitally important that would make me whole and complete; I
just need to find it.
• I’m different (more flawed) than other people.
• Others have happier, more fulfilling lives than I do.
• To be loved I must be unique, special and distinctive.
• Others fit in better than I do.
• Nobody really understands me.
Core Coping Strategies for Fours: (where Fours focus their attention because of their subconscious
beliefs)
• Searching for the ideal (partner, job, body,...., life) that will compensate for what the
Four feels is missing inside
• Overusing imagination to fantasize about ideal situations
• Feeling superior (to those less deep and/or sensitive)
• Emphasizing uniqueness (which has the nasty side effect of distancing themselves from
others and creating tension in relationships)
• Identifying the self with ever-changing feelings and moods
• Tuning in to inner states and feelings to actualize the self
• “Mismatch.†An NLP term meaning Fours look for and notice what is NOT present in
any experience; what’s missing
• “Polarize.†An NLP term meaning contrary/polar opposite thinking
Negatively, 4w3s can be painfully self-conscious and insecure. Feeling defective and
flawed inside, they work hard to prove their self-worth. They want recognition for their unique
work but they can also struggle with issues of low self-esteem and inferiority. No matter their
success, they always feel their work could have been done better. They can have a dual
personality. They crave social acceptance so they can be funny, sociable and bubbly out in public
– almost seeming like Sevens – but then go home to loneliness or a dissatisfying love
relationship. They put a lot of effort into their personal appearance and self-presentation,
wanting to be noticed. They can still be hard-working and more practical than 4w5s but they can
also be extravagant with money (especially if they are a Vata dosha type) to compensate for
subconscious feelings of low self-worth. They often want to be seen as cultured, sophisticated,
high class, elegant, refined or elite. They can be melodramatic, grandiose, narcissistic, disdainful
and/or competitive. Craving love and romance and being highly sensual, they can sometimes
find themselves involved in messy love triangles. Negative 4w3s can sometimes experience
strong feelings of jealously, envy, unrequited love, vengefulness, and/or hatred.
Type #4 Sexual Subtype
Can resemble 8s at times when they are feigning self-confidence, being intense, diminishing
others to make themselves seem important and over-stepping their boundaries
Tend to be the most extroverted, or at least assertive, of the three type 4 subtypes (also most
envious)
Positive/Enhancing:
• When healthy, are capable of truly admiring and deeply loving their partner
• Extremely accepting of other people’s individuality and right to express themselves
• Can engage with people deeply, authentically and passionately
• Can develop excellent communication and interpersonal relationship skills
• Able to be extremely open-hearted, compassionate and loving toward all sentient beings
Negative/Depleting:
• Long for a soul mate to come along and sweep them off their feet; to save them from an
ordinary life
• Tend to be especially attracted to people who are distant or unavailable
• Can have unrealistically high expectations of their partner to fit their ideal fantasy of a
mate
• Can have intense romantic and sexual longings; easily get infatuated with a romantic
interest
• Can be tender, vulnerable and sweet but also competitive, demanding, aggressive and
pushy
• Unconsciously yearning for the ideal partner perpetuates familiar feelings of lost love in
childhood
• Their love life can be tempestuous, dramatic, turbulent, stormy, etc. – they can
reject/disdain their partner by focusing on the flaws but then miss the great qualities and
want him/her back
• Strong fears of rejection and abandonment; sexual 4s have serious doubts about their
desirability
• Can be seductive, sexual, jealous and possessive (like 2s); relationship problems cause
depression
• Can be envious of people who seem more fulfilled and happy in their love life
• Can be competitive with any rivals that might threaten their romantic relationship
• Can envy or resent the very qualities in their mate they originally admired or wanted in
themselves
• At worst, get so emotionally distraught over love gone wrong that they kill themselves
and/or their lover