Indigo Rodent
Active member
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2019
- Messages
- 439
- MBTI Type
- INTP
- Enneagram
- 1w9
Okay, so one more thing linked about Enneagram 1 and its association with STJ types. It's that an STJ type is prone to not realizing they have a problem when they are Enneagram 1. They just keep inflicting their problem on others which makes them easier to type.
My own experience is that when my Enneagram has formed when I was a teen, I was aware that I have a problem, that I'm suffering from neurosis - I didn't understand it fully - for example didn't know why trying to have perfect grades, perfect attendance, perfect notes perfect sleep schedule, etc. is pathological. Especially when one can't actually achieve these due to disabilities.
But I noticed the emotional impact. The anger, the resentment, the suppression of other emotions, the obsessiveness. One thing I think that the description of suppressing emotions isn't adequate. It's more like a possession by anger, by resentment, by dissatisfaction, the sense of agitation that locks away access to subtler feelings.
One thing that was a big problem is that it manifested itself as a host of physical symptoms - IBS, insomnia, impotence, which of course led me to trying to address the problem. One way was by directly trying to disintegrate towards 4. This helped in that I wasn't constantly agitated and the level of "possession" decreased. I had a brief period during high school, like a year or so when I was listening to depressive music every day - like mostly Metallica - my favourite downer album being Load but also stuff like Linkin Park, though I never really considered it up to specs enough to listen to their whole albums - just teledisks like for example Numb and I would often lie down in bed and cry. It was a quite liberating experience.
At least it helped with impotence and somewhat with insomnia.
I also tried to learn about where such problems come from. At that point I didn't even know about stuff like mindfulness meditation because the incompetent therapists didn't tell me. I have read a ton of psychology self-help books.
Generally, it's important to not get stuck in one's Enneagram and learn "wisdom" of the neighboring types. For me it included stuff like learning to do expressive art as a form of sublimation of 1's wrath about the unrepentant wrongness of the society and actively engaging in masochism to get out of the "possession" by the wrath state from 4. Also, learning flexibility and pleasure seeking from 7.
It helps to cope with the general misery of living in a defective world and to not get stuck.
Like one thing I noticed is that tendency to treat Enneagram as this quirky box one fits into but they were originally descriptions of neuroses. Like generally each type is almost caricatural in nature. I think that in a way, mistyping is a sign of development. When you get confused about your type without solid knowledge, you know you made it out of the box.
I used to be mistyped as a 4. There are things like feeling of otherness but the thing is they were coming from being 1. There were specific themes to it for example others smoking and drinking alcohol - degeneracy being so normalized since the end of primary school. I remember being at school trip and being one of two sober people there and none of them being teachers. Of course I've ended up changing schools and never going on a school trip again and protesting if they tried to make them mandatory. I was feeling isolated because so much of socialisation is based on degeneracy and it's almost impossible to find a girlfriend if one is anti-degeneracy.
Or buying original games in the 90s and 2000s when piracy was super common. It being important for me to have originals of music. I'm not opposed to piracy as such. I think that existence of piracy is a good thing and that people opposed to piracy are bad people. But I hate the "why pay when I could get it for free types".
I remember that one time I noticed that sexualised characters in games serve to increase want to spend time in game looking at them. Decided to steel my will against it and since then I hated that form of manipulation. One time I talked with a guy at school and he was talking about how they told him to browse types of fetishes to create more addictive designs. Like it's a deliberate thing some gaming companies do.
I went to advertisement school and hated it because they taught manipulation and how advertising companies manipulate people. They were describing it like they literally believe they can mind control people. Sickening.
I used to be very concerned about ethics in game journalism. Like game journalists so often create sub-standard opinions and not judge games harshly enough, partially because of corruption by making money on advertising and partially because fear of the unwashed masses with inferior taste disliking the criticism.
I noticed that when I go to certain bookstore chain, there are only saleswomen and they smile and say hello when customer entries. I realized I feel compelled to go to that bookstore instead of others. After analyzing my feelings, I realized that it feels like they like me, which is obviously false because they don't know me so I steeled my will and opposed that manipulation. I also started preferring to go to other bookstores.
I also know that lots of people think adequate housing and nutrition is optional. It's both evil and degenerate.
etc. etc. etc.
My own experience is that when my Enneagram has formed when I was a teen, I was aware that I have a problem, that I'm suffering from neurosis - I didn't understand it fully - for example didn't know why trying to have perfect grades, perfect attendance, perfect notes perfect sleep schedule, etc. is pathological. Especially when one can't actually achieve these due to disabilities.
But I noticed the emotional impact. The anger, the resentment, the suppression of other emotions, the obsessiveness. One thing I think that the description of suppressing emotions isn't adequate. It's more like a possession by anger, by resentment, by dissatisfaction, the sense of agitation that locks away access to subtler feelings.
One thing that was a big problem is that it manifested itself as a host of physical symptoms - IBS, insomnia, impotence, which of course led me to trying to address the problem. One way was by directly trying to disintegrate towards 4. This helped in that I wasn't constantly agitated and the level of "possession" decreased. I had a brief period during high school, like a year or so when I was listening to depressive music every day - like mostly Metallica - my favourite downer album being Load but also stuff like Linkin Park, though I never really considered it up to specs enough to listen to their whole albums - just teledisks like for example Numb and I would often lie down in bed and cry. It was a quite liberating experience.
At least it helped with impotence and somewhat with insomnia.
I also tried to learn about where such problems come from. At that point I didn't even know about stuff like mindfulness meditation because the incompetent therapists didn't tell me. I have read a ton of psychology self-help books.
Generally, it's important to not get stuck in one's Enneagram and learn "wisdom" of the neighboring types. For me it included stuff like learning to do expressive art as a form of sublimation of 1's wrath about the unrepentant wrongness of the society and actively engaging in masochism to get out of the "possession" by the wrath state from 4. Also, learning flexibility and pleasure seeking from 7.
It helps to cope with the general misery of living in a defective world and to not get stuck.
Like one thing I noticed is that tendency to treat Enneagram as this quirky box one fits into but they were originally descriptions of neuroses. Like generally each type is almost caricatural in nature. I think that in a way, mistyping is a sign of development. When you get confused about your type without solid knowledge, you know you made it out of the box.
I used to be mistyped as a 4. There are things like feeling of otherness but the thing is they were coming from being 1. There were specific themes to it for example others smoking and drinking alcohol - degeneracy being so normalized since the end of primary school. I remember being at school trip and being one of two sober people there and none of them being teachers. Of course I've ended up changing schools and never going on a school trip again and protesting if they tried to make them mandatory. I was feeling isolated because so much of socialisation is based on degeneracy and it's almost impossible to find a girlfriend if one is anti-degeneracy.
Or buying original games in the 90s and 2000s when piracy was super common. It being important for me to have originals of music. I'm not opposed to piracy as such. I think that existence of piracy is a good thing and that people opposed to piracy are bad people. But I hate the "why pay when I could get it for free types".
I remember that one time I noticed that sexualised characters in games serve to increase want to spend time in game looking at them. Decided to steel my will against it and since then I hated that form of manipulation. One time I talked with a guy at school and he was talking about how they told him to browse types of fetishes to create more addictive designs. Like it's a deliberate thing some gaming companies do.
I went to advertisement school and hated it because they taught manipulation and how advertising companies manipulate people. They were describing it like they literally believe they can mind control people. Sickening.
I used to be very concerned about ethics in game journalism. Like game journalists so often create sub-standard opinions and not judge games harshly enough, partially because of corruption by making money on advertising and partially because fear of the unwashed masses with inferior taste disliking the criticism.
I noticed that when I go to certain bookstore chain, there are only saleswomen and they smile and say hello when customer entries. I realized I feel compelled to go to that bookstore instead of others. After analyzing my feelings, I realized that it feels like they like me, which is obviously false because they don't know me so I steeled my will and opposed that manipulation. I also started preferring to go to other bookstores.
I also know that lots of people think adequate housing and nutrition is optional. It's both evil and degenerate.
etc. etc. etc.
