janey_girl
New member
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2009
- Messages
- 74
- MBTI Type
- INtJ
I don't really see it as selfish that his hobbies are important to him - well most of the time anyway.... It is part of who he is and I need to accept him "hobbies and all"... I don't see that I come second, but I know I'll never be out there ahead of his hobbies, it's either accept or move on...Wow, that sounds incredibly selfish when you put it that way, but ultimately I can't deny that it's true. Doing the things I love will always come first...hmm...maybe that's why I've not really had a serious relationship yet?
I love my bicycle. I frequently fantasize about her beautiful curves and my next opportunity to get her between my hips and pump away.
Sometimes I think I would love for my partner to be into cycling, but then at the same time I don't. It's one of the things I do to get away from everything and everyone else in the world, and if I couldn't use it as an escape there could potentially be some issues.
He has used his motorcycle as an "escape" from being in his box - I understand it, although the first time he did this I can't deny I wasn't hurt. It is always going to be his thing so he always has somewhere to go, understanding this made it easier for me to understand a bit more about him.
Mostly, I think it's just him wanting to show you what he loves and for you to experience it the way he does. You don't have to love it, but he wants to show you his world. I'd say it's his way of opening up and letting you in.
I feel very privelidged that he wants to show and share this part of his world with me - to try and make me understand why he has a love for it, a love I'd never be able to compete with. I do feel let in and it means more to me than shallow romantic gestures which he never indulges in...
And who knows...motorcycling may not be your thing. Ultimately, what I think is important, for me at least, is that there is some kind of activity that both my partner and I enjoy doing together.
It might not be my thing, you're right... We do need to find that "mutual interest" we can appreciate together and by experimenting outside of comfort zones this could be achieved....
Is he aware of your need to see him? I'm only used to being receptive to my own needs because I can identify them. However, were I in a relationship I would want to be as receptive as possible to my partners' needs, because isn't that the point? But I can't do that if I don't know what they are...
Then again maybe you guys aren't that serious yet.
I have told him about this NEED by telling him that I miss him (usually in texts on an "evening off") he is ok with it... His usual (and very annoying) pattern is that say, we'll arrange to see each other on Thursday - this will be the Tuesday, then on the Thursday he'll go all weird and at about 2pm say he doesn't want to see me - I get upset as I've been looking forward to seeing him... Then at about 5:30/6pm he'll say he wants to see me.... Now I know this happens I don't contact him on the Thursday with a huge list of when I'm coming over etc as this is usually the thing that makes him go nutty - I leave it and wait for him to initiate the final plan... It's a control and power thing - he needs control and power and if he feels boxed in then he fights it... By taking away restrictions and letting him think there is no plan it makes planning easier - this sounds really but it works....
We are only in month 3 and I don't pretend to understand all of him, I tend to use my intuition and feeling to help me and it sort of works....
Thanks for your input phoenity - always good to hear it from the "other side"
He's not thinking longer term because that's not what he does. He only vaguely knows how he feels right now, that he enjoys the feeling of being with you. But he doesn't yet know what that means, or what the future might make of it. If it's substance you need to find, it'll come along. So just keep enjoying each other for now