Omission of the truth however is not always lying. For example, a person could not get another person to shut up if the truth required full disclosure.
i.e.
Question: what do you like to do
Answer: I like to read books
True.
The issue here, though, is when you know what information the other person is expecting from you or the sort of answer they desire and you specifically choose to provide an answer that is misleading in its brevity or that avoids the area you wish to not discuss, so that they think they've gotten the answer they want but haven't.
"I don't think you really love me"
"Are you sure you aren't like this with every guy you date"
eg while not so good times
"are you sure you miss me or do you miss the idea of us?"
He sounds like he didn't trust the emotional aspects of the relationship.
For some reason, he was also feeling interchangeable... like you wanted him as a placeholder rather than as himself.
Can't tell you why he felt this or whether it was even close to true.
It was really strange... he went off one night when we went on vacation. He knew he was going to get called away for training soon. and he went off about how much he loved me and wanted to marry me and I was perfect and it scared him, (he was a bit drunk)
then about a week later when we got back, we were at dinner and he just threw out there "will you marry me?" I could tell he wasn't "really" proposing for reasons other than he had no ring. I just looked at him, and very earnestly said "don't do that unless you are serious, it toys with my heart."
He went on to sa it was just a test. Well, I had obviously not passed the test. Then things spiraled down the next week rapidly... I don't know, that is when the weirdness started, If I keep going it will be way too long and too much detail
Some people have ripped on the guy and maybe he deserves it. But there's also the possibility he's relationally inept and sucks at expressing his emotions. I mean, think about INTPs and what they're good and bad at and what this situation is:
- He's feeling strong emotions and doesn't know how to process them, and so he's scared to death.
- He's going away for basic training, if he doesn't make a decision now he might never get another chance, either you might find someone else while he's gone or he might never come back.
- He keeps testing you, asking you if you love him, etc. That's actually for an introverted type a sign of SOME investment... an INTP who doesn't care wouldn't even think to ask, but obviously he's invested in your answer and it's throwing him off to want something he thinks he could lose. If he didn't want it, he wouldn't care at all.
- He sucks at relational stuff. He sucks at relational stuff. He sucks at relational stuff. Do you imagine he might have been sincere about the ring but just screwed up the delivery big-time...? Acting impulsively? Because he didn't know what to do? It sounds just like what a dumb-ass-impulsive INTP might do if he didn't know what to do. Your answer was honest and as a mature adult he should have been able to parse it correctly... but it didn't mesh with where he was potentially coming from and chances are he took it wrongly... as you see his stupid stupid excuse of "it was only a test." That's just the sort of stupid cover-up remark a relational neophyte would make, to hide his embarrassment and feelings of rejection. I wouldn't be surprised if THAT comment by him was the lie...
Yeah. He would definitely be the kind of person to not realize the emotional aspect of it, but we had discussions before in which I admitted to wanting to marry him.
That sort of thing is why I can't give you an answer, only possibilities. I would have to understand the context of the whole situation (with knowledge of those past discussions) to have a better grasp as to what his frame of mind most likely was.
Anyway... who knows? I think at the least we can agree he was relationally immature; I guess we are more discussing intent here.