Chris_in_Orbit
New member
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2008
- Messages
- 504
- MBTI Type
- ESTJ
Just trying to understand why you guys are always getting hurt. I couldn't live my life like that. I guess the good thing is, you guys always bounce back.
it's hard for me to let go too. i pretty much want everyone i care about always in my life in some way...even if i almost never see them. i still want to feel close enough that i can call them and catch up sometimes.
Well, it seems like NFs give chance after chance until they just can't take it anymore...and then the coldness. If someone was showing you again and again that they aren't worth your time, why keep giving them chances until you have to be an ice queen?
Also, the whole not being who you thought they were thing... Couldn't that be your fault for idealizing them instead of seeing them for who they are?
it's hard for me to let go too. i pretty much want everyone i care about always in my life in some way...even if i almost never see them. i still want to feel close enough that i can call them and catch up sometimes. i just really care about people.
I do this in pretty much every relationship. I commit too early and feel an obligation to make things work in spite of any circumstances that are difficult. I take the blame for everything that is wrong in a relationship.
Well, it seems like NFs give chance after chance until they just can't take it anymore...and then the coldness. If someone was showing you again and again that they aren't worth your time, why keep giving them chances until you have to be an ice queen?
Also, the whole not being who you thought they were thing... Couldn't that be your fault for idealizing them instead of seeing them for who they are?
Just trying to understand why you guys are always getting hurt. I couldn't live my life like that. I guess the good thing is, you guys always bounce back.
i think we just accept it as part of life. it always hurts when you loose someone you love but to have never loved would hurt more.
PS In case you didn't get it in my tirade against sappy love, I was actually going to say generally I can let go of things much more easily now and walk away from situations sooner and not get so tore up.
It's all about experience and getting sick of cliche (when patterns always repeat, it gets cliche) and wanting more and better for yourself.
I'm glad to see its not some hopeless part of you. Its always great to see a person who knows they can make themselves better and actually puts in the effort to.PS In case you didn't get it in my tirade against sappy love, I was actually going to say generally I can let go of things much more easily now and walk away from situations sooner and not get so tore up.
It's all about experience and getting sick of cliche (when patterns always repeat, it gets cliche) and wanting more and better for yourself.
Doesn't it take a lot of energy to maintain that?I do this. Give a chance, givea a chance and even one more. But if you screw up the last time, you won't get a chance, I mean never. I wont' be your friend, I don't want to see you or speak to you, ever. That 's the way it goes with me.
Doesn't it take a lot of energy to maintain that?
hey...what's this obsession with blame? i don't know i just don't care...there's compatible and non compatible...i don't think anyone is doing anything "wrong" by being who they are....not to say that striving for growth and balance isn't important but there's no "better" way to approach the relationship...it's not a competition.
i happen to like that i see the good in people and feel i'd be a lot less happy if all i saw were everyone's faults.
I think we just value relationship above all else. It's important not to trash something if there is any possibility of it being redeemable, because maintaining relationships is important in and of itself, an idea that overrides the particular relationship we happen to be in at the moment.