miss fortune
not to be trusted
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2007
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- Instinctual Variant
- sp/so
your mother sounds like a wise lady
yeah, plus what's the point in traveling if you aren't going to explore. I love to travel but I need a familar place to return to. Oh sure i have the same thoughts as everyone else,"Should I miss my flight, how long can i live here before being deported?"
My life, in general, is going quite well... I have an SO who I adore and who adores me, we have a house, I have a job that I do well at and requires little in the way of routine. Somewhere in the back of my head there's a voice that keeps saying "run away!"
I've felt the compulsion to run and keep on running since I was a kid... I used to run away from school when younger and escape for weekends while in college without telling anyone where I was going... I even got a good excuse and fled the country once for a few months. Something about perpetual motion and meeting people who don't know me and having that sort of blank slate is thrilling
Problem is though, I LIKE the life that I have... it's kind of a split there- the compulsion to run and the enjoyment of what I have. I KNOW that I can't have it both ways and I've already thrown my lot in with one of the options. Anyone else have this split going on? what do you do about it?
my mind usually lurks in the "fight or flight" corner waiting for something wrong to go down so that I can squirm my way out and run to something new... it looks like you've read my blog!
and I have woken up in the morning on a lot of occasions and wondered "what the fuck did I do to deserve this? and when am I going to slip up and ruin everything?"
I am afraid of me
Yes I do read your blog and what an interesting thing to to say! I usually spend my time making sure the things in my life are as solid as they can be so that if something goes wrong I'll be able to weather it out and last as long as I need too.
Still, I hope that in your pursuit of always being on guard for something wrong to happen that you don't inadvertently cause something to happen in order to justify your fears
This is not a good mindset to have Ms. Whatever. You are an incredibly awesome person and you do deserve the happiness you've managed to build with your man
I know...
This is something I've noticed in a lot of ESTP women (and possibly the men too, I dunno): They've usually have gone and done so any things in their lives that, as they get older, they walk around with this great big bag of guilt for the mistakes they've made and the people they hurt and that sucks. I'm sure, much like my ESTP lady friends in real life, that you've done your time and that holding on to this guilt and shame is needless.
You're a much stronger and better person than you were back then. You'll be fine
I always have my eye out for when I need to cut my losses and disappear... even when things are going fine and well.
it's not that I need forgiveness really... it's that I KNOW what I'm capable of and therefore I don't trust myself. How do you get past that?
sometimes me running away seems like the best thing I can do for everyone else in a way