The Decline
(☞゚∀゚)☞
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2009
- Messages
- 780
- MBTI Type
- ?
- Enneagram
- 5w4
you guys are adorable once your guard is down
Shhh... don't tell anyone
you guys are adorable once your guard is down
seeker, your situation is just like mine bro.
this thread is a gold mine! ^^ must read all. muahahaha~
I don't know if she's insecure. More like she's testing you. I think a lot of INTP's don't realize why they or their traits could be appealing to others. It's like, "Really? Hmm. Okay." It's not necessarily insecurity, but a self-effacing way to gauge where you stand. But aside from that, she's telling you because she is noting your reaction. I've never said those things to someone without purposely concentrating/analyzing their reaction. In essence, she can't read you and she's torn.
Considering her extremely small circle of friends...she doesn't trust many people. She may be VERY attracted to you, but the truth is she may see you as being "too all over the place with your affection or attention"...
INTP's commit to an idea first - then the person. Once she commits to the idea of being with you, it's very difficult to go back. We almost pre-commit before the actual commitment. I know, scary! We are not "daters" we are long term relationship people. After all, why be with someone when we can be happy being alone?
My best friend is an ENFP and we dated briefly. Don't get me wrong, I love my ENFP friend (we are inseparable now) but dating this ENFP was not enjoyable. ENFP's view dating as a fun and exciting adventure filled with mystery and flirty give and take fun! She may take a look at your past dating record...what does it look like?? We tend to judge on those things to determine a person's way of being or character. INTP's view dating as serious business and something quite stressful first, then once that's out of the way you get to see the relaxed, flirty, fun side. So more than likely, she may think that your interest in her is only because she is a challenge or a passing phase. In order to be with her, she has to BE CERTAIN that those two things ARE NOT true.
I don't know if she's insecure. More like she's testing you. I think a lot of INTP's don't realize why they or their traits could be appealing to others. It's like, "Really? Hmm. Okay." It's not necessarily insecurity, but a self-effacing way to gauge where you stand. But aside from that, she's telling you because she is noting your reaction. I've never said those things to someone without purposely concentrating/analyzing their reaction. In essence, she can't read you and she's torn.
Considering her extremely small circle of friends...she doesn't trust many people. She may be VERY attracted to you, but the truth is she may see you as being "too all over the place with your affection or attention"...
INTP's commit to an idea first - then the person. Once she commits to the idea of being with you, it's very difficult to go back. We almost pre-commit before the actual commitment. I know, scary! We are not "daters" we are long term relationship people. After all, why be with someone when we can be happy being alone?
psst, keep it down or you'll scare them away!
That's the thing. It's such a huge investment to get involved with someone that it's kind of all-or-nothing. Either you get all the trust in the world, or a cold shoulder. There isn't the mental space or energy or emotional dexterity to screw around.
If love is there, great, it's a fact. It absolutely exists. That's comprehensible. If not, that's fine. One can work with that. It's the space in between that's murder, that the INTP will try to minimize. Not knowing, not understanding, anything triggers this primal need to understand. The harder it is to understand, the more energy that gets funneled in, until one forgets to eat, to sleep, and generally has no resources to carry on a normal life. And emotions are so very hard to understand.
The INTP pretty much needs an explicit, incontrovertible declaration to accept something so ephemeral. And then, oh, okay. The light switch turns on. It's like this has always been. And why not; it's true, isn't it?
And then of course if it's true... well, it's very difficult for the INTP to understand anything that might go against a fundamental principle. Once something is accepted, it becomes a blind spot, like the huge tower in the middle of town that no one sees anymore. So once you've convinced an INTP of your love, then should such a time later occur, it will take some effort to convince her that this love has ceased to be. It will be like arguing that lemonade comes from ducks.
"What do you mean you don't love me? Don't be silly. Here are all the things I can recall off the top of my head that prove that you do love me. You and your mood swings, I swear. Now come here and look at this thing I found."
All I can say is, if the INTP isn't sure of the ENFP's intentions...telling someone to date others...she was probably looking for the opposite response. I'd say it was a gambit to call the ENFP out!
Sort of like "this person really likes me. If I tell him to date other people it shouldn't affect him because he wouldn't do it anyway since he likes me so much...and if he does date others then he really didn't like me that much anyway." After all, there's a certain logic to it. To an INTP...lol...If you really like someone you don't want to date anyone else, right?
This is INTP "uber" logic at work and therefore has many a blind spot. This is a great example of how we end up sabotaging ourselves.
When things get this complicated...just act and quit thinking! ...Wait...that's how INTP's sabotage ourselves too. One extreme to another. :sigh: