How Do You Come Across

[Litsnob]

Yes, I am looking forward to it. What I like the least about this is that I'm rarely actually feeling as tentative as I sound. I was more socially anxious in the past, though, and must have developed vocal habits then that stuck. I don't see myself as being that way anymore don't like it in principle, so it's not how I want to come across.

Also, I don't tend to get nervous about trying new things when they could be a source of improvement.

Perhaps this class will address issues like vocal inflections or things you can practice to sound as confident as you feel. I hope it's all a great experience for you!

 

[Hawthorne]

Well online you are participating apparently and aloofness is more difficult to detect online too so maybe you are coming across as thoughtful, brilliant and calm.

This made me smile. When I'm not being vapid, dim or obnoxious, I 100% agree.

 

[Mole]

I think that I understand what you are saying because offline I am very focused on the other person too. I am watching reactions, checking how they might be feeling, and because I seek to make people comfortable I will lighten the mood with a joke, or express my seriousness if that is what is what I think will help. I find it difficult to imagine what it looks like, when someone is intent on making others laugh but doesn't laugh himself. I laugh often and I think sometimes I laugh when there is nothing apparently funny, just because I am instinctively trying to promote a light-hearted ambiance.

Do you think you laugh inwardly? Is laughing disconnected from happiness in your mind? I would like to understand why you do not laugh.

I think there is a cultural element involved. My grandfather would be humourous with a straight face. And I notice humour with a straight face is common in my culture both socially and on TV, the radio and the movies. This is is normal part of our sense of humour which contains an element of irony, which, as you know is saying one thing but meaning another. So being humourous with a straight face is ironic.

I do notice that the USA sense of humour lacks a sense of irony. And we very soon learn that Americans will not laugh at our sense of humour, while of course telling us they have the best sense of humour in world, which is of course, ironic.

I have on a number of occasions tried to explain our sense of humour to Americans, who are very nice about it, and start off by telling us we have a good sense of humour, but as we explain they start to say that our sense of humour is destructive, and to some extent they are right in that our sense of humour is deprecatory and ironic.

So we genuinely find our sense of humour funny, while Americans don't.

Interestingly, although our sense of humour is not understood by Americans, it is understood and appreciated by the Irish, the Welsh, the English, the Scots, and who would have guessed, by the Russians.

 

[Santosha]

Communication online is difficult, with the lack of facial expressions, body language and tone of voice. Do you think you come across accurately online or not? If not, how do you compensate for that? How does it affect you when you aren't read as you intended?

Gawd, I'm not even sure, these days. I suppose that how honestly I come across depends on how much I limit or audit myself for the audience. Online, I feel that I have been most *honestly* myself in very anonymous forums and groups.. where there is no thought of social reception, fear of social acceptance/rejection, no need to uphold intellectual standards nor relationships. I have revealed parts of myself online that I could rarely reveal via work/family/friend interactions. Yet, I feel like at the heart of it, all of these 'facades' or 'masks' we put on, are still authentic extensions from a more, core self. It's really the way you approach self understanding. You can believe that what is more consistent with self is 'truer', or what is more hidden, or what is an observable pattern, even if you have to stand back from another galaxy to realize it. But ultimately, I think that everything that comes from self is a creation of self, with various variables (circumstances, feelings, thoughts, etc). "How am I not myself?" the famous quote from I heart Huckabees. On the psychobabble surface we see a person that molds themselves to behave as others hope/expect.. and we call that inauthentic. But even that construct was still created from the core self. You can not be anything but who you are, expressed in infinite ways. The issue has never been authenticity, but accepting that the self is in flux constantly. And most importantly, that this is not a bad thing.

 

[Forever]

I am somewhat similar online if you get me talking. But I'm really calm and nice. Even quite bubbly as [MENTION=17131]Chanaynay[/MENTION] says.

I remember a former best friend of mine told me you're nothing what you're like online! You're so kind and nice. To be honest you're mean online. I'm like really? I never really intend to be mean or threatening.

Yet my online self is never really the same like my true self either. Because it's so easy to type out instantaneous thoughts which is nice for being funny or creative but can be bad when I'm emotional.

I'm seen as genuine, kind, and understanding by those who get to know me. I'm not as argumentative, but don't be surprised either, I will raise my hand if I see something really wrong with the picture.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I come across as more emotionally expressive, playful, and outgoing online. I'm more subdued, detached and reserved in person.

I tend to argue more online. Arguing and debating via text is easier than via spoken word in real time and people think I'm a dick so I've learned to keep to myself to avoid rubbing people the wrong way.

 

[Litsnob]

I think there is a cultural element involved. My grandfather would be humourous with a straight face. And I notice humour with a straight face is common in my culture both socially and on TV, the radio and the movies. This is is normal part of our sense of humour which contains an element of irony, which, as you know is saying one thing but meaning another. So being humourous with a straight face is ironic.

I do notice that the USA sense of humour lacks a sense of irony. And we very soon learn that Americans will not laugh at our sense of humour, while of course telling us they have the best sense of humour in world, which is of course, ironic.

I have on a number of occasions tried to explain our sense of humour to Americans, who are very nice about it, and start off by telling us we have a good sense of humour, but as we explain they start to say that our sense of humour is destructive, and to some extent they are right in that our sense of humour is deprecatory and ironic.

So we genuinely find our sense of humour funny, while Americans don't.

Interestingly, although our sense of humour is not understood by Americans, it is understood and appreciated by the Irish, the Welsh, the English, the Scots, and who would have guessed, by the Russians.

Your observations about humour are interesting. As a Canadian I have noticed we are a mixture of British humour and American humour jumbled up with somthing uniquely Canadian that I can't identify. I have a British mother and grew up with British grandparents so I grew up reading most British books, didn't see much television and to this day have a definite preference for British-style humour. Perhaps that is why I tend to offer up deadpan deliveries of my jokes and then people don't realise I am joking. You can imagine how flatly this fall online too. I have to remember to pepper my words with and ;-) because the two worst assumptions anyone could make about me (worst according do my own self definition) is that I am unkind and stupid.

On a side note: I first read The Wind in the Willows when I was ten years old. I love your avatar and your sentiment about simply messing about in boats. I live by the sea and have done a small amount of messing about in boats myself. It is my son's dream to live on a sailboat.

 

[Litsnob]

Gawd, I'm not even sure, these days. I suppose that how honestly I come across depends on how much I limit or audit myself for the audience. Online, I feel that I have been most *honestly* myself in very anonymous forums and groups.. where there is no thought of social reception, fear of social acceptance/rejection, no need to uphold intellectual standards nor relationships. I have revealed parts of myself online that I could rarely reveal via work/family/friend interactions. Yet, I feel like at the heart of it, all of these 'facades' or 'masks' we put on, are still authentic extensions from a more, core self. It's really the way you approach self understanding. You can believe that what is more consistent with self is 'truer', or what is more hidden, or what is an observable pattern, even if you have to stand back from another galaxy to realize it. But ultimately, I think that everything that comes from self is a creation of self, with various variables (circumstances, feelings, thoughts, etc). "How am I not myself?" the famous quote from I heart Huckabees. On the psychobabble surface we see a person that molds themselves to behave as others hope/expect.. and we call that inauthentic. But even that construct was still created from the core self. You can not be anything but who you are, expressed in infinite ways. The issue has never been authenticity, but accepting that the self is in flux constantly. And most importantly, that this is not a bad thing.

Oh yes, I am nodding my head as I read this. I do agree with you. We are always being ourselves but there are different aspects of ourselves that come out at different times. Often, I am being the online self who forgets to use smiley faces and thus confuses people with her sarcasm and deadpan style humour. Following that I am the self who is mortified at having mislead, hurt or confused anyone and then agonises over the ramifications of this.

Thank you for today's bit of wisdom. It's morning where I am and I've not even had my tea yet but I am now smiling inside because there is nothing that appeals to me more than a nugget of wisdom with which I agree. ;-)

 

[JocktheMotie]

I'm friendlier than I should be

 

[Litsnob]

I'm friendlier than I should be

Why should you not be friendly?

 

[JocktheMotie]

Why should you not be friendly?

It gives people the wrong impression. I can't sustain it.

 

[Litsnob]

It gives people the wrong impression. I can't sustain it.

Actually, I think I sometimes have that problem too. That's why I asked.

 

[Hitoshi-San]

I dunno, how do I come across? I feel like I'm probably more articulate since I have more time to think out what I want to say but I can't imagine acting all that different than how I act outside of the Internet.

 

[Frosty]

hmm.. ill just post this here.

Johari Window - Describe Frosty6226

The Nohari Window - Describe frosty6226

 

[EJCC]

I'm VERY similar to my internet self IRL. Not w/r to what I talk about, but w/r to how I talk about it. I make a point of writing my posts as stream-of-consciously as possible, so they "flow" as much like my RL speaking style as possible. Discounting the occasional "uh" and "like".

Other than that, exclamation marks! and bolding. and italics.

And...

EMOTICONS!!!!!!



....

^ IRL I don't express myself in a remotely similar way to TypeC emoticons*, but there aren't emoticons for raising an eyebrow, or slightly smirking, or opening your eyes really big for dramatic effect. So when I use emoticons, I use them in place of whatever more subtle thing I would use IRL for that same purpose.


*discounting this one which I use a LOT.



Edit: I'm more articulate online, because even though I write stream-of-consciously, I give myself a bit more time than speaking would allow.

 

[cascadeco]

I don't know, I try to be 'me' wherever I am. It's just that online, it's so much easier for me to write my thoughts. I'm not able to do that, really, in any detailed sense, in irl in real-time.

 

[EcK]

You tell me.

There's this great 'nohari .. johari??' (or something) thing which people sometimes have / had in this signature.

The Nohari Window - Personality Flaw Map

It's a great idea but the issue with it is that people giving their opinions are not representative. IE: your friends will say good stuff, people who hate you will say bad stuff, neutral people will probably not bother.

 

[Litsnob]

I come across as more emotionally expressive, playful, and outgoing online. I'm more subdued, detached and reserved in person.

I tend to argue more online. Arguing and debating via text is easier than via spoken word in real time and people think I'm a dick so I've learned to keep to myself to avoid rubbing people the wrong way.

It is easier to be a different version of ourselves online. I am certainly more outgoing and more likely to express my opinions online than I am offline, where I am very introverted, sometimes shy and always conscious of not wanting to offend anyone with my views, which if I am honest, has partly to do with wanting to be liked.

 

[Dyslexxie]

Well on the internet you can't hear how loud and incapable of shutting the fuck up I am. Lucky you guys can just ignore my posts!

 

[Bush]

I tend to edit the shit out of my posts so that they're more clear, fleshed-out, etc. Can't do that in real life..