Hi. INTJ female here dating an ENTJ male, both are in our 40's and both have been divorced for 3+ years. We have been dating for a couple of months. Initially, I was hesitant and was unsure about him. I actually broke a couple of dates with him, which he told me hurt and disappointed him. About a month into us dating, I totally fell for him. Everything was going great until I did some overthinking and screwed it up. About 2 weeks ago ENTJ had already expressed a deep interest in me and only me. He has made it clear that he wanted companionship and a relationship and had a lot of love to give to one woman and that one woman was me. He told me that he wasn't seeing anyone else and did not want to see anyone else and hoped the same for me. ENTJ is a very sexual person and "dated" a variety of women prior to me. Last weekend we were watching TV and his phone rang. It was about 11 or 12 on Saturday night. He looked at it and put it down. I didn't think much of it. I trusted him and am not a jealous person. Later, around 1 or 2 am, his phone rings again while he is in the bathroom. I looked at his phone at it was a woman. I was shocked. I didn't look at his phone to be nosy. I checked to make sure it wasn't his mother or one of his kids. My natural instinct when my phone rings in the middle of the night is that something is terribly wrong. When he came back to the bedroom I told him that his phone rang. He checked it and put it down again and very openly told me that it was someone that he had previously dated. I asked why she would be calling. He bluntly said that she was probably drunk and wanted sex. He told me that he hadn't seen or talked to her in about a month and that I had nothing to worry about. The next day I had asked him to come see me and help me with a few things. He said that he couldn't because he had to do his chores (in typical ENTJ fashion). It irritated me but I let it go. I understand his need to stay on schedule. Later that evening I guess I had some insecurities and over thought the girl calling in the middle of the night and then not coming to see me thing. I texted him and expressed my concern that his feelings for me might have changed. He said they had not but didn't elaborate. Instead of letting it go, I continued to express my concerns that he didn't care for me as much as much as I cared for him. And said instead of getting hurt worse later, I think we shouldn't date anymore. (I don't know what I was thinking- so out of character for me.) His response was an apology followed by he didn't know what else to say and that my insinuations were wrong. He said that he hoped that I changed my mind because he still wanted to see me and that he was going to sleep. The next time we talked (yesterday morning)he said that he wanted a "pause". He said that he was concerned that I went to extremes on something so little. He did stop by to see me at work yesterday and things seemed to go well but I haven't really heard from him since.
Should I be concerned? What is he thinking/feeling? Should I not text him at all and give him space? Didn't know if a "I hope you have a good day" text would irritate him or make him feel better. I'm so confused.
Should I be concerned? What is he thinking/feeling? Should I not text him at all and give him space? Didn't know if a "I hope you have a good day" text would irritate him or make him feel better. I'm so confused.
