We finally had a mini-talk about it. His interview is this Friday...
I told him all I could, I tried to be as less NF as I possibly could. I more asked him questions to get him to understand that it would be me who suffers more from this than him. He really sees all my points of views as being dreamy/grass is always greener. And I wish he would understand that CHANGE can BRING SOMETHING BETTER. It really can. He just never want to change his little bubble.
He came to the realization that he has no life goals (at least not career oriented). He admitted this, though I already knew it. He picked his major not because he took interest in it, it was because he didn't hate it. He doesn't really enjoy anything besides hanging out with his family and doing church activities (the church is fine with me, though, I wish he wouldnt get so attached to THAT church, but remember that God can exist in other churches as well...) His goals to be happy in life is to get married, have a family and be involved with his own family.
My goals is to move to a big city, I want to work in the creative field, making films/marketing/advertising things like that. I need to move for more opportunity. I am career oriented! (I think Im also an ennegram 3...?) Our realization that our goals do not match up make us kind of nervous. at least, that's the feeling I got from him. He will not be happy unless he is in the same town as his parents and his home church. Final. I said that I wouldn't be happy unless I am doing something meaningful with my life career-wise.
!!!!! I did learn that he has a fear of his parents getting old and no one taking care of them. His brother already moved 9 hours away, so he feels it's his duty to care for them once they get old. He also feels that his mother may out live his father, and he doesnt want her to be lonely. . .
I understand this.. I do.. but .. this kind of creeps me out. I mean, eugh... I'm 25 years old, I dont want to be thinking about taking care of an old bitter eldery 20 years from now. WTF, really....
Lots and lots and lots and lots of resentment.
I mentioned this.. i said I do not want either of us to resent each other.. he just said yeah i understand....
Look at things logically instead of feelings. How easy is it for him to get a job compared to you. If its easier for him then he should focus on helping you live where you can get a job easier. Who is logically giving up more.
Agreed. I said this. So many times. He doesn't understand what is it like to have a dream! He just thinks "You can get a job with your degree, it may not be what you want, but it's still a job that will pay the bills." I want to work on films, and it's possible I can do that and travel while still living in our hometown, but I want to escape it. It's a better opportunity to go there than wait for it to come to me.
I like tayto's gap year idea. You can both assess how important the relationship is to each of you vs the lifestyles you want. And getting away gives you a chance to have a breather.
We broke up once before for about a year or two (though the second year, we were basically dating without a title). I dont want to break up with him. I want to marry him, I just don't want to live in our hometown. Dammit!!! I KNOW that if he gets this job, he is proposing ASAP. My ENTJ father keeps telling me to wait it out and not freak out until he gets the job, he tells me not to move back home until we get married/proposed, for me to keep looking for job possibilities in other cities.
The thing is, my boyfriend doesnt have much work experience. So, according to my ENTJ dad, my boyfriend cant afford to turn down a job, if he is hired and wants to be stationed in our hometown, I shouldnt fuse about it. I just dont think he understands how Si my boyfriend is. Things cannot change.
I also explained to him about this seasonal depression thing, I HATE winter and the cold, dark days. I want to move somewhere warmer! This is what he says, This is ridiculous.. he says, "but, if we move away to somewhere warmer..where will we vacation to?" Then he goes on to say that if we moved somewhere warm, then we will get spoiled by the warm weather and when it reaches 40 or 50 degrees, we will complain because it take it for granted. He thinks we'll turn into one of those kind of people. i mean WHAT THE HELL!? WHO THINKS LIKE THIS? HOW COULD THIS THOUGHT HOLD YOU BACK FROM WANTING TO MOVE TO THE BEACH?!
Anyways
What do you guys think? Continue this idea of "we'll cross the bridge when we get there" thing?