Dear Sensitive People

[EJCC]

Oh man. I have pretty much the same problems as OP. I tend to have friend groups full of sensitive people, and I'm so bad at catering to needs that I don't realize even exist, that I have a history of walking on eggshells around my friends. (Which is as much of a nightmare for an ESTJ as you'd think.) Only recently have I joined a friend group full of people that I don't need to do that around.

Posting in order to subscribe, and to remind myself to read the entire thing at some point.

Finally went through the thread.

It's tricky. I'm not HSP at all (except for a bit of noise sensitivity), but I have some HSP friends. One friend is especially HSP to the point that she pretty much has to limit herself to PG and PG-13 movies even at age 28 -- no tolerance whatsoever to thrills and scares. She is also very sensitive to people's criticism, and quick to fall into negative self-talk. But at the same time she acknowledges that other people shouldn't have to cater to her sensitivity (with the exception of trigger warnings, which I think is fair, but I digress).

On the one hand, HSP folks who are self-aware don't try to force their needs onto others. But on the other hand, if you want to get your point across to them, and you know they either won't listen to you or will be too overwhelmed by their own inner monologue to hear you, then you HAVE to cater to their needs.

So, while I agree with most folks in here, that the sensitive folks in the OP need to calm down and get over it, I'm not sure what to do in similar situations where the sensitive folks ARE self-aware and ARE doing everything they can.

 

[miss fortune]

having given what I've read here some thought, I really think that the biggest issue is probably the sense of humor thing... as [MENTION=14857]fia[/MENTION] mentioned, I do tend to make jokes that other people probably might interpret as insensitive if they did not understand the relationship that I have with the person that I'm making them with (as one of the higher ups where I work once said... my biggest obstacle in moving up in the company is my weird ass sense of humor that a good portion of people there just don't get)...

using humor as a defense mechanism against negative emotions probably seems a bit insensitive towards other people as well... if I'm feeling uncertain or uncomfortable in a situation my first response is to make a joke about it and that comes across to many people as not taking things seriously or discounting how they are feeling and I'm genuinely not doing that, but I can see how it would appear to them that I might be. It's just such a deeply ingrained response on my part... kind of like what I do to reassure myself that everything is going to be ok and that it's not the end of the world... and my brain to mouth filter needs some serious work (as in, it needs to be installed)

I guess that I tend to count on the fact that I DO tend to take the right actions in the course of things to make up for my mouth in a way... that people should be able to read my intentions through what I do instead of judging me based on what I say, but I suppose that words are of greater importance to some people than actions I don't get that, but I should keep that in mind. The fact that most people KNOW that I'm a pretty decent person in most respects and that I work my ass off in order to try and make things work tends to save my ass in the cases when someone does complain about something I've said, but it doesn't mean that the one individual in question isn't pissed off.

I actually don't have any issues with HSP since I'm (probably surprisingly to many people here) quite soft spoken... I also share a hatred of bright light and move in a manner that is apparently disturbingly quiet.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I actually don't have any issues with HSP since I'm (probably surprisingly to many people here) quite soft spoken... I also share a hatred of bright light and move in a manner that is apparently disturbingly quiet.

Aha! So you ARE a vampire, but just a super silly one.

 

[miss fortune]

Aha! So you ARE a vampire, but just a super silly one.

 

[EJCC]

 

[prplchknz]

that is more her

 

[cascadeco]

and move in a manner that is apparently disturbingly quiet.

A coworker told me the other day that I was like a ninja, and that if I was actually a ninja, she'd be scared of me. I was like....uhh....lol

But yeah apparently I silently sneak up on people or something. Really I'm just trying to do my thing without getting in anyone's way!

 

[miss fortune]

that is more her

you know me too well!

A coworker told me the other day that I was like a ninja, and that if I was actually a ninja, she'd be scared of me. I was like....uhh....lol

But yeah apparently I silently sneak up on people or something. Really I'm just trying to do my thing without getting in anyone's way!

are you sure you really aren't a ninja?

and people are so startled when you're just standing there and they didn't hear you... I've gotten yelled at for being sneaky before when I'd just wandered over before because nobody noticed me appearing

 

[cascadeco]

you know me too well!



are you sure you really aren't a ninja?

and people are so startled when you're just standing there and they didn't hear you... I've gotten yelled at for being sneaky before when I'd just wandered over before because nobody noticed me appearing

haha, yeah, I've started on occasion saying 'right behind you', but I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do, barring wearing bells or something, ha.

 

[miss fortune]

haha, yeah, I've started on occasion saying 'right behind you', but I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do, barring wearing bells or something, ha.

wearing bells would be kind of funny

I thought people were supposed to be able to tell if someone was standing right behind them though, and people are depressingly bad at that on way too many occasions

 

[Bush]

haha, yeah, I've started on occasion saying 'right behind you', but I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do, barring wearing bells or something, ha.

I thought people were supposed to be able to tell if someone was standing right behind them though, and people are depressingly bad at that on way too many occasions

If I need to alert some dude in front of me, I just slide my shoe across the ground just a little bit. It makes the sound that most people make when they're walking, and so the dude knows that I just walked up behind him.

Basically, exaggerate your last step so that it makes noise.

 

[miss fortune]

If I need to alert some dude in front of me, I just slide my shoe across the ground just a little bit. It makes the sound that most people make when they're walking, and so the dude knows that I just walked up behind him.

Basically, exaggerate your last step so that it makes noise.

That probably works a bit better than my occasional attempt to alert people that I've arrived... which involves making my last step an impressive jump and landing with both feet at once.

That mostly just terrifies people

*fails people... becomes a hermit surrounded by dogs*

 

[prplchknz]

I just poke people.

 

[á´…eparted]

If I need to alert some dude in front of me, I just slide my shoe across the ground just a little bit. It makes the sound that most people make when they're walking, and so the dude knows that I just walked up behind him.

Basically, exaggerate your last step so that it makes noise.

That doesn't work with me. I am more jumpy than a catnipped cat. The fact that I jump at pretty much anyone who approaches me scares others just as much .

 

[EcK]

What's this thread about at this point ?

 

[EJCC]

haha, yeah, I've started on occasion saying 'right behind you', but I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do, barring wearing bells or something, ha.

wearing bells would be kind of funny

I can guarantee you that even if you wore bells, I wouldn't notice you coming up behind me. I am notoriously oblivious when I'm concentrating on something (and I am almost always concentrating on something). You'd probably have to tap me on the shoulder.

 

[miss fortune]

I can guarantee you that even if you wore bells, I wouldn't notice you coming up behind me. I am notoriously oblivious when I'm concentrating on something (and I am almost always concentrating on something). You'd probably have to tap me on the shoulder.

but then you'd probably get startled and spill your coffee on me

 

[EJCC]

but then you'd probably get startled and spill your coffee on me

Never. I protect my coffee with my life.

 

[prplchknz]

but then you'd probably get startled and spill your coffee on me

Never. I protect my coffee with my life.

*licks both, just because* good humans. behave

 

[Bush]

What's this thread about at this point ?

Why, we're still discussing sensitive people, of course!

I'd use that grin smiley but I hate it.