I am the same way. I don't seek compliments, but if they are not specific, they are meaningless to me. An easy way is to include examples. Instead of telling her she is a good cook, tell her what exactly you like about it, or which things she makes that you especially like, and why. If you appreciate that she is very loyal to her friends, again pick a specific example of her supporting a friend when that was difficult to do, and why that is important to you.
I agree with this, after all it is easy to throw out a general comment of appreciation that doesn't in fact express anything at all. Far better to pick up on the specifics within the context of the thing that they are being complimented about.
That shows, at the least, that you were both paying attention and understanding what it is that person actually put into the process, (or a process they may have invented themselves), rather than a generic feel good throw-away comment.
I don't know if I am right, but with NTJ's especially INTJ's, they seem to prefer being appreciated for their skill and competency in an area and individually so. Possibly more so about what it is they do differently as well, that others have missed, as opposed to just doing the same thing, but better. Of course, they don't really go out of their way for it, nor do they really need it, but a true compliment is what it is. Of course people could say you could make this argument for any type, but I think it is more applicable to NTJ's.
NTP's for example would most likely appreciate people attempting to understand or at least acknowledge the structural accuracy of their logic.
As for my question, I believe ive asked this of INTJ's before somewhere, but when it comes to Ni as a function; how does it appear to you?
Is it a series of conscious efforts that come together into a cohesive whole? Or is it more of an instinctive notion working away in the background...hollowing things out sometimes without you even noticing? Which then suddenly presents an answer you didn't necessarily look for, but which turns out to be important and necessary anyhow?