[NF] Are Female NFs Sexually/Mentally Attracted to Male NTs?

[Krys]

eh, sure, but it depends on the NT.

 

[❀༺♥༻ℭ𝔞𝔢𝔩𝔦𝔞_𝔄𝔦𝔰𝔩𝔦𝔫𝔤༺♥༻❀༺]

I haven't met any NTs (aside from my entp sister) but I can definitely see myself attracted to them as long as they're mature

 

[Amargith]

Absolutely - provided they have a modicum of appreciation and respect for other people, their values and their abilities.

 

[1487610420]

 

[Lucy_Ricardo]

The best romantic relationship I ever had was with an INTJ man. We had great conversations and even better debates, and he respected me and my opinions, which is a huge compliment from an INTJ. I thought he was brilliant and had loads of potential, but he had some unhealthy qualities that I knew I'd end up resenting him for. So I broke up with him.

In all honesty, though, type is irrelevant to me when it comes to attraction.

 

[JAVO]

I usually seem to form the best connections and friendships with NF's. I think fidelia has presented some incredible insights which match my thoughts and experiences.

NTs are still different enough, but the shared intuition smooths over some of the rough patches. Most of the NTs I've met have had an avoidant kind of attachment style. I'm not sure if that is just a small sample selection or a general trend. Whatever it is, I don't like how that makes me feel longer term in a closer relationship, even though I'm generally a pretty secure, independent person. However, the intellectual connection is usually very stimulating and expansive, and their capacity for not reacting fairly rationally to conflict has allowed me to experiment with being more honest and straightforward than I'd otherwise be.

As an NT male, I've also found the NT-NF connection to be one of a shared intuition. I also find the NF preference refreshing. Maybe that's because I seek that which is different from me in an attempt to balance more. Also, I've always been fairly balanced on the T-F spectrum.

In the past, after the initial enthusiasm of a new friendship or relationship starts to wear off, I've found myself slipping into an avoidant style. I've lost a few good friends over the years because of this, and it's entirely my fault. This made me sad, and it doesn't make sense either. As a result, I made changes in my perspective and decided that I need to put some more work into things. For example, I found that there's always something new to learn about a person I like. There's also always new ways of both understanding them better and connecting with them.

 

[Fidelia]

I usually seem to form the best connections and friendships with NF's. I think fidelia has presented some incredible insights which match my thoughts and experiences.


As an NT male, I've also found the NT-NF connection to be one of a shared intuition. I also find the NF preference refreshing. Maybe that's because I seek that which is different from me in an attempt to balance more. Also, I've always been fairly balanced on the T-F spectrum.

In the past, after the initial enthusiasm of a new friendship or relationship starts to wear off, I've found myself slipping into an avoidant style. I've lost a few good friends over the years because of this, and it's entirely my fault. This made me sad, and it doesn't make sense either. As a result, I made changes in my perspective and decided that I need to put some more work into things. For example, I found that there's always something new to learn about a person I like. There's also always new ways of both understanding them better and connecting with them.

Okay - this is the first feedback I've had on this. Do you think it has to do with my efficiency or need for novelty, or why do you think this happens. I assume it's something about the dynamic together, as I don't necessarily have that happen with other f types, but I also have found that often my connections with other infjs anywayarent novel enough to sustain long term interest for me. I expect probably NFS seek a higher degree of emotional interchange that initially is novel to NTs but eventually can feel stifling.

 

[JAVO]

Okay - this is the first feedback I've had on this. Do you think it has to do with NT efficiency or need for novelty, or why do you think this happens. I assume it's something about the dynamic together, as I don't necessarily have that happen with other f types, but I also have found that often my connections with other infjs anywayarent novel enough to sustain long term interest for me. I expect probably NFS seek a higher degree of emotional interchange that initially is novel to NTs but eventually can feel stifling.

I think there are a number of factors involved, although this analysis is based on my own personal perceptions and preferences only:

1. The classic gender relationship of a male T and a female F. There's no (society-induced?) tension like there might be with a female T and a male F. Things just fall into place.

2. The tremendous power of simple shared intuition. The mental connection tends to happen quickly, and powerfully.

3. I've felt intense sexual energy and attraction resulting from this intuitive mental connection alone.

4. The human drive to grow as a person and to expand our knowledge and library of perceptions causes us to seek out those who can help us satiate this drive. Through the shared intuitive understanding, we can learn what thinking and feeling really mean--beyond what is written in a definition. It's a dynamic definition which is being lived. I often smile when reading NF or even sometimes SF blogs because I pick up on thoughts and perceptions which help me to understand and experience feeling. (Incidentally, I think this is also why I have a strong preference for intense feeling-oriented music. example here and here)

5. This is closely related to 4. Humans want to experience the entire human experience. Even without incorporating feeling aspects I learn into my personality (as described in point 4), I can simply feel by spending time and interacting with and NF or SF (or even some type of feeling-oriented art).

 

[burningranger]

Let face it why would a broad choose a INTP loser with his white socks in them sandals or an ENTJ that can only fake being caring as some sort plan or an ENTP who although quite attractive turns out to be a loser in the end or an INTJ....who is just a cyborg in disguise.....

...when they can have glorious NF dick night in and nigh out and have all of their inner depravity quenched along with their soul's need for spiritual intimacy?


And while we are at it....why would you pick from the emo side of the spectrum with the INFP and INFJ pussies.....or the ENFJ prom king with his Fekeness all over yo ass....

When you can have that male ENFP touch that you just KNOW you ain't getting nowhere else ;--)

And while we are at it....why pick a normal ENFP guy with their usual bulsshit.....when you can pick someone special....someone bold....someone with a pretty balanced T side to him....12'' of idealism, the good looks of Apollo, the creativity of Picasso, the heart of Gandhi (Gandhi slept with virgins in his days of sexual abstinance to increase his powers...how's that for badass) and the adventureness of Indiana Jones all in one scrumptuous single serving package? Call me at 415 555 2671. I got a bear rug.

 

[Fidelia]

I think there are a number of factors involved, although this analysis is based on my own personal perceptions and preferences only:

1. The classic gender relationship of a male T and a female F. There's no (society-induced?) tension like there might be with a female T and a male F. Things just fall into place.

2. The tremendous power of simple shared intuition. The mental connection tends to happen quickly, and powerfully.

3. I've felt intense sexual energy and attraction resulting from this intuitive mental connection alone.

4. The human drive to grow as a person and to expand our knowledge and library of perceptions causes us to seek out those who can help us satiate this drive. Through the shared intuitive understanding, we can learn what thinking and feeling really mean--beyond what is written in a definition. It's a dynamic definition which is being lived. I often smile when reading NF or even sometimes SF blogs because I pick up on thoughts and perceptions which help me to understand and experience feeling. (Incidentally, I think this is also why I have a strong preference for intense feeling-oriented music. example here and here)

5. This is closely related to 4. Humans want to experience the entire human experience. Even without incorporating feeling aspects I learn into my personality (as described in point 4), I can simply feel by spending time and interacting with and NF or SF (or even some type of feeling-oriented art).

Sorry, autocorrect wrote my efficiency or need for novelty, rather than NT, as I had intended. I fixed it. Anyway, what I wonder about isn't the attraction, but the avoidant attachment. Because it sucks, yet I assume that it's not a matter of being terribly unlucky, or of being not a factor somehow. So I just am trying to figure out what triggers it when it's not there when novelty still exists. Is it figuring that you know all there is to know about that person, or at least that you've gotten the general gist of them, or is nf wish for emotional (not only intellectual) intimacy stifling?

 

[1487610420]

There are dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant varieties of avoidant attachment styles. Psychology Today has several good articles on attachment styles.It boils down to whether or not there was a reliable supply of emotional support available to a child growing up. Too intrusive and needy or too neglectful signals the defensive part of the brain that it is not safe to rely on anyone else, allow them to get too close, or to be vulnerable, which makes it very hard to create an intimate friendship or romantic relationship where both parties can be honest about their needs.

In some contexts, an avoidant person may seek closeness and then find it stifling, avoid it entirely except in a very superficial way, be able to provide but not receive support, or run away when the other person has needs. Often, avoidant people get together with very anxious clingy people, but even someone who is securely attached can become anxious if the supply of reliable emotional exchange is overly scarce or it's feast or famine.

I've found that initially, T types are drawn to the intellectual connection we have and also find themselves telling me things or feeling things they never have with anyone else. This new sense of intimacy is unfamiliar and intoxicating at first. I am generally slow to be attracted to someone and need a strong base of friendship and connection first, so if anything, I'm the one that needs convincing and am happy to take a lot of time for a relationship to turn romantic. Even then, although I'm a pretty open and warm person, I don't open up immediately, which I think creates a sense of safety and leaves them pursuing connection rather than fending it off.

In several cases, I've been talked into rushing over concerns about the fundamental foundation of the relationship and how it not being firm or being out of sync on major issues will affect the future. As a result, I don't want to lose the person, but I also don't feel good about announcing it to the people closest to me until that's been figured out, even as the relationship is getting closer and closer.

This of course erodes trust and is felt as rejection. However, once i'm deeply invested, but that dynamic is in place, people revert to old patterns, or they start viewing the connection more realistically and draw back emotionally, which then makes me feel like I'm always the needy one, even though what I need is not at all over the top.

I've concluded that 1) putting the brakes on at the beginning, no matter how sure the other person is that this is a once in a lifetime kind of connection 2) observing if they have been emotionally intimate or vulnerable in any of their other relationships with people 3) looking at their relationship to their parents, especially their mothers 4) not mistaking intellectual attraction or intimacy for emotional intimacy would probably save everyone a lot of pain and be a good indicator of how successful something romantic is likely to be.

I'm not claiming this to be true of every Thinker, nor are my experiences representative of everyone else's, but I've observed the pattern in my own relationships frequently enough to think it worthy of comment. Clearly, I also am equally responsible for that negative dynamic being allowed to develop, just in case it sounds like I'm placing blame on thinker types generally or even the ones I've dated.

Can confirm.

Re intellectual intimacy - I'd define it as getting closer over discussing thoughts and ideas together. That's something that I feel is essential in a relationship, and is hugely attractive to me, but without the capacity for sustained emotional intimacy, it is not enough.

I find avoidant people manifest the need for distance in a variety of ways:. They may hold back include things like sharing basic information about their schedule without the other person having to ask or be in limbo, may not be willing to tell the other person where they are at in the relationship, offer a showroom version of vulnerability to satisfy others, while actually living their real life in other emotional rooms of their mind's house, don't share their real plans or opinions, offer their skills but having nothing to learn from the other person, avoid the other person when they are in need, subtly devalue traits of or skills of the other person, insist things are fine but do things that would suggest otherwise which keeps the other person perpetually unsure, seek closeness and then distance in a cyclical way, only allow one sort of intimacy to develop (particularly sexual or intellectual), avoid bids for touch initiated by the other person, intensely court with great urgency and uncharacteristic openness and then gradually become distant, only show interest in their own projects or interests without reciprocating or only enough to be polite, pursue success at the expense of relationship, stay in the driver's seat at all times, affecting people's perceptions of reality in subtle ways, become passive but disengaged (maybe even secretly despising the person they are with), always are the one to turn down offers of time together with other people in their lives or end relationships, use humour to distance people... I don't think most of it is really planned out, nor is the intent bad, but it is destructive all the same.

No one has to remain stuck in one attachment style, but often with no active and compelling catalyst, they may not even see the pattern in themselves. It takes active work to allow the brains defenses to relax a bit at a time and to also seek out a secure partner or friends who don't exacerbate the dynamic.

I feel like maybe NTs have a unique set of needs as kids too that are sometimes not well understood by a parent that may perhaps make them more susceptible to an avoidant style of attaching. I don't know if that's true or not, but it's a theory of mine.

IME, Ni tends to be more closed off and quiet than Ne, building up on an entirely different page without revealing so, making trust and shared emotional intimacy difficult/impossible , unconsciously - or not.

 

[Edgar]

NFs in general are wacky creatures full of cognitive dissonance who attracted to all sorts of random things, some which are good for them some which are not.

But Ns generally gravitate toward other Ns due to thought process similarities, especially so since we live in an S dominated world.

 

[Madeleine]

I would say, on the whole, we balance each other out.

I have experience of being with both thinkers and feelers.
The feelers exhausted me. Even though I am an NF type, I don't outwardly project much emotion. That does not mean I don't feel it intensely. Dealing with someone else's emotions on top of that leaves me feeling drained. It triggers off the urge in me to get away from the person and/or the situation.
I never felt that way with the NT types.

 

[Coriolis]

Re intellectual intimacy - I'd define it as getting closer over discussing thoughts and ideas together. That's something that I feel is essential in a relationship, and is hugely attractive to me, but without the capacity for sustained emotional intimacy, it is not enough.

For me, intellectual intimacy must happen first. Without it, there is no basis for emotional intimacy. Both are necessary precursors to physical intimacy. Prospective partners who want to jump immediately to the physical are therefore a huge turnoff. As you described, developing all of this takes time and thoughtful attention, but it is well worth it.

No one has to remain stuck in one attachment style, but often with no active and compelling catalyst, they may not even see the pattern in themselves. It takes active work to allow the brains defenses to relax a bit at a time and to also seek out a secure partner or friends who don't exacerbate the dynamic.

What sort of work? How is this done?

I feel like maybe NTs have a unique set of needs as kids too that are sometimes not well understood by a parent that may perhaps make them more susceptible to an avoidant style of attaching. I don't know if that's true or not, but it's a theory of mine.

This would not surprise me at all. I doubt my parents really understood me, but they did the best they could, which often meant leaving me to my own devices as long as I wasn't running into trouble.

 

[cocoblue]

I would have to say yes, even if I haven't had the guts to pursue it. Thinking types puzzle me as I tend to connect with people through my emotions. I love the intellectual/intuitive aspect of the connection which is a huge part of the attraction, but I'm afraid I would have my heart broken in the end, so I choose to play safe and go with the Feelers. That sucks.

 

[Population: 1]

NF guy chiming in (yeah I know it's for women but hey why not). I like the way INTP women's minds work. There seems to be this funny playful side underneath the intelligent and irresistibly charming quirky surface. It definitely leaves this guy intrigued. So I can see the allure of NTs for NFs in general.

 

[supersleuth]

Well, I have a thing for ENTJs and INTPs, so I'd say so

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Also been there done that. At first the two different intellectual perspectives compliment each other, but in my experience, when the reality of living comes, then the NTs I knew wanted an SFJ for their daily living. It was taking care of the concrete realm that they expected me to do, and stopped caring about abstract perspectives complimenting in idea space. Then I feel sorry for the SFJ partners who are continually complained about for not being abstract enough. Seriously, many people just want their needs taken care of, so they have space to think their own thoughts.

 

[Fidelia]

Yeah, I think NTs like NFs initially as a novel springboard for their own thoughts and sometimes like the freeing effect NF warmth has on them emotionally, but it eventually becomes cumbersome and they'd prefer more autonomy. For me, that type of relationship to a spouse or SO wouldn't be terribly satisfying longterm, even if I weren't looking for them to be everything I wanted rolled into one person. I need some assurance of a predictable, even if small, steady supply of interest and self propelled attention toward the relationship/family, even though I'm pretty low maintenance and independent, or else I become hovery and wilt/get resentful.

I think that even though they don't love the n/s divide, many NTs do appreciate the stability and practicality that sfj types bring to the mix to free them up to do their stuff.

 

[deathwarmedup]

Re intellectual intimacy - I'd define it as getting closer over discussing thoughts and ideas together. That's something that I feel is essential in a relationship, and is hugely attractive to me, but without the capacity for sustained emotional intimacy, it is not enough.

I find avoidant people manifest the need for distance in a variety of ways:. They may hold back include things like sharing basic information about their schedule without the other person having to ask or be in limbo, may not be willing to tell the other person where they are at in the relationship, offer a showroom version of vulnerability to satisfy others, while actually living their real life in other emotional rooms of their mind's house, don't share their real plans or opinions, offer their skills but having nothing to learn from the other person, avoid the other person when they are in need, subtly devalue traits of or skills of the other person, insist things are fine but do things that would suggest otherwise which keeps the other person perpetually unsure, seek closeness and then distance in a cyclical way, only allow one sort of intimacy to develop (particularly sexual or intellectual), avoid bids for touch initiated by the other person, intensely court with great urgency and uncharacteristic openness and then gradually become distant, only show interest in their own projects or interests without reciprocating or only enough to be polite, pursue success at the expense of relationship, stay in the driver's seat at all times, affecting people's perceptions of reality in subtle ways, become passive but disengaged (maybe even secretly despising the person they are with), always are the one to turn down offers of time together with other people in their lives or end relationships, use humour to distance people... I don't think most of it is really planned out, nor is the intent bad, but it is destructive all the same.

You're good.

No one has to remain stuck in one attachment style, but often with no active and compelling catalyst, they may not even see the pattern in themselves. It takes active work to allow the brains defenses to relax a bit at a time and to also seek out a secure partner or friends who don't exacerbate the dynamic.

I feel like maybe NTs have a unique set of needs as kids too that are sometimes not well understood by a parent that may perhaps make them more susceptible to an avoidant style of attaching. I don't know if that's true or not, but it's a theory of mine.

It probably takes a life's work. I have a memory from about age three of going into the veg garden to see my mother when she was weeding and trampling on her seedlings in my red wellies .... getting duly chased out. The memory is remembered without emotions or significance. I remember visiting my mother years later as an adult and getting chased out of a room she was decorating and suddenly feeling a profound rage like I've never felt before or since, where my body from the neck down was on fire with anger and my brain was ice-cold and on autopilot, telling my legs what to do and to walk away without a word.