Anja
New member
- Joined
- May 2, 2008
- Messages
- 2,967
- MBTI Type
- INFP
Naomi Quenk says that the shadow of INFP is Inferior Te.
The 3 main ways Inferior Te manifests itself in INFPs is by
- projecting their unconscious fears of incompetence becoming hypersensitive to others' mistakes
- making judgments that are overly categorical, harsh, exaggerated, hypercritical and often unfounded
- overwhelmed by the urge to take some precipitous action, usually to correct some imagined mistake which often then exacerbates the problem
I know it's not easy to understand.
Sorry.
You really need the book.
According to Quenk, an INFP tends to emerge from the grip of the inferior as they learn a new perspective from which to view their situation.
Thank you. You're taking a lot of time and thought to help out with this. A piece of me is going, "Geez, Anja, go look it up." But I'm lazy and it's a lot more fun to hear what others have to say.
So, if I understand you right, I would be exhibiting my shadow when I lose my cool. And it would center around some kind of mistake someone appeared to be making. Or a mistake I was afraid of making.
Oh boy. That hits so close to home that it gives me the shudders.
Nevermind. Suddenly don't want to talk about it! That kind of feeling. Defensive. Yes.
So a clue for me, when my shadow is being engaged, is when I start to feel defensive. That makes sense. I can feel that when I get into an intellectual conversation that's very thought-oriented and a little over my head. The beginnings of a sense of urgency start itching. It's nearly a panicky feeling about feeling misunderstood. An urgency to clear the air. That's so dang INFP!
That little voice that shouts, "Connect with me! Connect with me!"
I was just talking to Jennifer about this elsewhere and tellilng her I can distinctly trace this back to my childhood and being raised by a very ISTJ mother who seldom seemed to understand me or give me credit for my thoughts. She both physically and emotionally distanced herself from me.
I don't know if that ever goes away. It's stil there for me. Think I've just learned over the years to be aware of that little girl inside and ways to calm her some.
And like heart says, it doesn't hurt to reframe your needs. Like telling myself, "Okay. Not everyone has to agree with you in order for you to have connection with others." Like that. It still needs to be done now and then. Gets tiresome.
And we're currently having a discussion elsewhere about whether some can intuit what's going on with others. So. When I see that defensiveness, either in the form of hostility or excuse-making or sudden, unexpected humor, it could be a fair assumption that I've just bumped into someone's shadow. Make sense? That was addressed to noz and erin who are questioning the concept.
But I'm fairly certain that those of us who don't believe we have a shadow are simply unaware yet that they do. They may be the most resistent to exploring the concept.