Hmm, I actually do, that's why I mentioned Fi...but it remains very...unspoken. It actually is like fragile ropes across the gap (say they do something that indicates they're aware and considerate of something that's really important to me...the ropes will vibrate). ...But I do feel personal warmth...or maybe it's more like I feel there's a connection, something of significance...I think it manifests most "visibly" in something like unspoken loyalty.
Ah, that makes sense.
I actually was just in a project meeting and I had forgotten about the PM -- she's an ISTJ, but actually personable and engaging. (At least I think she's I, not E.) And when you said this (sorry, I shifted a few things around to put all your ideas together), I got that "aha" moment, yes, the personable-ness in her is when I get this vibe from her. She's actually listening to what people say.
She just also is very strongly the following way:
The gap for me lies in the fact that they cannot meet me on an N level and often dismiss crazy N-ness and theorising, in fact it's not just the N, it's the Si (as opposed to Se).
Yes, I see a big difference between Si and Se in terms of ideas, Si digs in and defends their singular perspective; and I have the same experiences with SFP that you have, except I'm connecting my Ne with their Se as our common thread -- we're bouncing ideas all over and brainstorming as our means of connect.
We've had the Si vs T battle on our analyst team before -- the ISTJ has already pulled the, "I object!" and our "objection overruled" and her final "But I strenuously object, so that's just the way it is!" strategy, which had to go upstream to the Grade 14 branch chiefs to get resolved. The PM was telling us analysts how to do our job, even though all of us disagreed with her... and her only reasoning was the, "But I object, so THERE!" maneuver.
But when she's not in that mode, I think she's the first female ISTJ I've actually felt a large degree of warmth from. Part of it's because she looks at everyone on the team as an individual person, not just some calculation or part of her structure to be shuffled around. She's well-rounded.
An SFP and I will be able to talk about Fi stuff, for example, whereas for most ISTJs I know, though they share Fi with us, they will resist freely (!) exploring it. Either way, I end up feeling like they don't fully grasp me and that they wouldn't be interested in me explaining myself (which is a major difference with INTPs).
Yes, I think INTx always wants to understand, it's just the language that blocks us sometimes.
And just realising that the kind of conversation you'll have with INTPs (casual-cooperative...it's like playing with building blocks!) is different from what you have with NTJs (formal-destabilising, forceful...it's like throwing darts). It's much easier to find value in playing with blocks when you gain more appreciation and use of your own tertiary and inferior functions...as they are more about sharing and interacting and they're way more process-oriented.
Great imagery; and yes, I'm far more interested in process than results, even if I have a goal. I guess in a way, I instinctively believe good process brings good results, even if the results aren't what I anticipated, and so those results are the "ideal" for me vs some preformulated goal.
(Case in point -- running for a position on another forum, and someone criticized the voting process, and I agreed with them, and they said, "That was rational but stupid; you're giving away your advantage," and I was like, "Well, if it's the best process, then that's what we should use." Yes, it would be nice to win; but I'm happier with the process making the most sense and the outcome is sort of superfluous.)
Paired with decent Ne-Fe in an INTP it gets much more rewarding to interact. There will still be misunderstandings, but at least you get the feeling you're interacting.
That's kind of where I have found a point of connection with an ENTJ friend o' mine.
Not totally sure why that works, but if it does... good.