Lethe
Obsession.
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2007
- Messages
- 801
- MBTI Type
- iNtJ
- Enneagram
- 152
- Instinctual Variant
- so/sx
I think it's unhealthy and a sign that there is no trust within the relationship. I've had an ex get mad at me for not behaving jealously because apparantly jealousy is the best sign someone cares.
[...]I'm hardly going to behave in a manner I hate.
Do I feel a momentary pause of jealousy occasionally? I'm only human, but I refuse to show it, or to give into it because I know it's about my own issues of insecurity and I'm not going to lay that on anybody to deal with.
Me not showing that I am jealous, is not a sign I don't care, it's a sign I do care, which is why I trust instead.
Double that. There are other ways of telling someone you care, but jealousy isn't really the best choice for affection in my book. Jealousy, for me, tends to be something that occurs in the beginning when you're not sure where you stand with a person. By the time I get around to seriously dating them, I should be able to predict how he'll respond to other people who show interest in him. If he's simply not into me, then there's nothing I can do to hold him back. It's entirely his choice. Sure, I'll be disappointed if he chooses to leave, however the alternative of him staying in a loveless, one-sided relationship is far worse.
A few posters made a good distinction between thought and behavior. I'm sympathetic towards a partner may who feel it, and will try to reassure them whenever possible, though I am less flexible about those who deliberately act on it. Mind you, they're not morally wrong for acting that way, but instead the wrong type of person to be romantically involved with. They should instead date someone who has the same belief.
Everyone's different, and it needs to be evaluated in light of that. I don't think anything here is necessarily negative for the human race, although it can be negative for particular individuals.
I'm not voting in the poll, it's too restrictive.
At first, I thought the poll was restrictive myself, but then upon closer inspection, it's more about what the individual prefers (esp. with the use of "I" in the title). I think many people have agreed that jealousy can play out both ways in various relationships.