Lauren Ashley
Revelation
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2008
- Messages
- 3,067
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 4
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
For the past few years I've found myself dealing with several ISFPs as friends, coworkers, boyfriends. One thing I have noticed about them (particularly the males) is how defensive they are. It appears that these ISFPs are quite self-centered in such a way that anything that is said or done they view from the lens of how it affects them or makes them feel. And if it is something unpleasant it is seen as a personal attack. Even neutral occurences can be made out to be attacking/bashing/coming after (all words they used) the ISFP personally.
For example, once I didn't say hello or talk to a close ISFP friend at work. He had previously told me that he didn't care if we spoke or not at work because he knew I was dealing with a lot. I'd had a terrible night and wasn't in a cheery mood. However, he later saw me talking to another coworker so he took this to mean I had a grudge against him and the next time I spoke to him, he flipped out. He yelled at me, calling me fake, untrustworthy, one of the most disrespectful people he ever met, etc, said he hated me. When my behavior really had nothing to do with him.
In another very recent example, my ISFP ex is trying to prevent me from being friends with his friend's girlfriend. I randomly asked for her number from him and he left me a long, scathing voicemail ranting that she is his friend and I have no business with her since we are no longer in a relationship. Again, my desire to be friends with her (and her desire to be friends with me, which he also shut down) has nothing to do with him. Meeting her through him doesn't mean he can dictate if we can be in contact.
I've read about the grip of inferior Te but this is astounding. I was raised by an INFP and almost engaged to one yet I haven't experienced this until them. I could conclude that most/all of the ISFPs I've met are unhealthy but what are the odds? And how does one work around this? Since circumstances force us to deal with each other, how can I keep their oversensitivity and lashing out at bay?
For example, once I didn't say hello or talk to a close ISFP friend at work. He had previously told me that he didn't care if we spoke or not at work because he knew I was dealing with a lot. I'd had a terrible night and wasn't in a cheery mood. However, he later saw me talking to another coworker so he took this to mean I had a grudge against him and the next time I spoke to him, he flipped out. He yelled at me, calling me fake, untrustworthy, one of the most disrespectful people he ever met, etc, said he hated me. When my behavior really had nothing to do with him.
In another very recent example, my ISFP ex is trying to prevent me from being friends with his friend's girlfriend. I randomly asked for her number from him and he left me a long, scathing voicemail ranting that she is his friend and I have no business with her since we are no longer in a relationship. Again, my desire to be friends with her (and her desire to be friends with me, which he also shut down) has nothing to do with him. Meeting her through him doesn't mean he can dictate if we can be in contact.
I've read about the grip of inferior Te but this is astounding. I was raised by an INFP and almost engaged to one yet I haven't experienced this until them. I could conclude that most/all of the ISFPs I've met are unhealthy but what are the odds? And how does one work around this? Since circumstances force us to deal with each other, how can I keep their oversensitivity and lashing out at bay?