Eilonwy
Vulnerability
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2009
- Messages
- 7,051
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 4
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/so
1) INFJs are the least satisfied of all the types in romantic relationships this has nothing to do with their partners however so don't take it personal, just know that know matter who you are or what you do it will be the case.
2) INFJs are extremely prone to cheating and swear it isn't so which paradoxically is why it is so.
3) I highly doubt you will ever actually know the INFJ, they keep a lot to themselves, [...]
4) If you feel ANY push/pull from them, run, don't walk, run!
5) They will pull you in quickly with their desire to connect (Fe), once you're in pretty deeply, they will realize they're vulnerable and distance themselves (push/pull), if this happens, end things.
6) I would not have sex with an INFJ for at least 3 months, seriously, they aren't made for it, get past #5 first and see what's there, proceed accordingly.
1) I can't say with any certainty that INFJs are the least satisfied of all types in relationships because I haven't done the comparisons. However, from the few examples I've seen and my own experiences, a majority of us do seem to have difficulty being in and staying in committed relationships. At this point I can't tell you if that's from not being satisfied (I'm assuming from standards being too high, or too idealized) or if there are other factors involved.
2) Again, I can't say with any certainty whether INFJs are extremely prone to cheating or not. However, I can see how they could cheat and swear it isn't so, due to certain thought processes and defense mechanisms. My own observations make me think that when it comes to cheating on a partner, INFJs tend to go to one extreme or the other--either they're extremely faithful, or they're extremely fickle. Personally, I ended up on one end of the spectrum when it came to cheating with a partner, and on the other end when it came to cheating on a partner. I had an affair with a married man when I was younger, and made every excuse in the book to convince myself that it was okay to cheat on his wife with him. But I couldn't and haven't cheated on any man I was with in any capacity (dating, living together, married). One relationship would have to end before I would begin another. I'm still not sure how that works for me. I'm speculating that since I didn't have to deal with seeing the hurt I caused the wife, I could rationalize it away, but I would have had a clear view of the hurt I was causing any guy I was cheating on, and would have had to deal with that, so I didn't do it.
3) I think I'm open, but I'm probably not the best judge of that. Admittedly, there are areas that I still have difficulty talking openly about, even with a romantic partner, but I will say that I have difficulty talking about those areas rather than avoid them completely. Again, I might not be the best judge of that.
4) I know the push/pull happens, but I have no real insight into it yet.
5) See # 4. Like I said, no real insight yet, but some speculation as to how getting to know someone intimately in a short amount of time could relate to counseling, but not work very well in romantic relationships. I haven't thought about where vulnerability might come into play. Also, still considering some Fe info that was posted in a member blog that also addresses the Fe desire to connect.
6) What do you mean by "they aren't made for it"? Is it related to # 5 and the push/pull?
The women INFJs I know are all pretty great girls. There is one that's an absolute nut job and she still would never cheat. She just doesn't even enter relationships. She has 1-3 year long dry spells of absolutely nothing. Won't do casual sex at all. In fact all the INFJ women I know are quite prone to dry spells and avoiding casual sex. I'm surprised to hear the cheating thing. I'd actually really like to meet a promiscuous INFJ chick. Sounds fascinating and absolutely fucked up.
:hi:
Actually, as with the cheating issue, I've managed to end up on both ends of the spectrum as far as promiscuity and dry spells are concerned. Before I got married, I had the aforementioned affair, plus two ltr's, and several flings and one-night-stands. After my divorce, I had a small dry spell, then a very bad dating experience, and then a complete desert of a dry spell. I find that I am constantly at war with the Catholic guilt and societal mores about sex that were instilled in me growing up.
ETA: More speculation/reframing on [MENTION=1769]Samvega[/MENTION]'s # 2: It's also possible that not having to directly confront the wife meant that any shame I felt about hurting her could be pushed aside, while the shame I would feel about cheating on a partner would be right there whenever I was with him (a more selfish framing than what I speculated about above--caring about avoiding my feelings of shame rather than caring about his feelings of hurt). Or, it's possible that it seemed like too much work to me to cheat on a partner--keeping track of the lies, putting on a false front, physically keeping up with two guys, etc.
ETA2: I had another opportunity to cheat with a married man after my divorce but before the bad dating experience. By that time in my life I had more self-control, and I ended up not acting on the feelings.